tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27379620497200525482024-03-19T04:48:35.081-04:00 our journey to a baby bump"It's hard to wait around for something you know may never happen; but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want"Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.comBlogger275125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-78246562588035815962020-01-23T13:01:00.000-05:002020-01-23T16:49:20.117-05:00Hmmm...blog much? Certainly doesn't seem that way anymore, does it? Well, time to change that. Time to jump back in the game. You know why? Because I miss it. I miss the interaction. I miss the love, the support and the community.<br />
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And...because I feel like now that my littles are 4 years old, maybe I can start to refocus on things that I used to be able to enjoy when free time was a thing. Not that free time is really a thing still, but I feel like I'm in a place where I can finally MAKE time. So...here I am.<br />
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Lets start with an update on my trio.<br />
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Casey: Where do I start with this guy. He's all energy, all boy and all snuggles wrapped up in this amazing tiny human body. If I tell him no, he very dramatically pouts, but the second I start to move away from him he melts into a giant mama's boy puddle. He'd give up pretty much every toy he has if it means he can still come in my room at night. No bribe is working on that kid. He cuddles and likes to play with my ear while he sleeps which is bizarre, but whatever comforts you little man. He plays hard and loves even harder. It's what I love most about him.<br />
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Britton: Oh my sweet, little slightly high strung, big brown eyed boy. I'll admit, he loves his mama, but this one is a daddy's boy. Though the second I "pretend pout" he's all about giving his mama some hugs. He loves a mix of everything. His favorite color is rainbow. He loves music...from Andy Graham to George Strait to the Beatles. He's by far our best eater of the group. He's also so polite it literally makes my heart burst. Oh. And he toots literally all day every day. I don't even know how it's possible to toot THAT much.<br />
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Liddy Rose: This girl is ALL girl. Her favorite color is pink. She loves all things Disney princesses, unicorns and rainbows. She's literally the best hugger on the planet and has the sweetest little voice I've ever heard. She rarely gets in trouble and when she does it breaks her heart. Like shatters it. So, she just doesn't. She nursed for 3 years and even though I finally weaned her, it wasn't by her choice and she would still be doing so if I let her. She's a mama's girl through and through. I hope it lasts for ever. Though I know her independent, opinionated mind will definitely give me a run for my money come those pre-teen years. She loves to go to the theater, we've seen Frozen 2 three times, and Little Women. Her favorite princess is Sleeping Beauty. She also has such a beautiful connection with my mother's spirit. I can't even describe it any other way.<br />
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These three keep me on my toes, they keep me busy and they keep me laughing. People ask me all the time, how do I do it? How do I not? I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I was born to be their mom. And the journey that got me there is still not lost on me. I think about it every day. I think about how lucky and blessed we are because of them. I also think about the women that still struggle. .All the time. Women still reach out to me for support and guidance and I love that. It makes me feel needed. Like I have something to offer. I want to figure out a way to help. Make a mark in this infertility world. It's time I figure out how to do that.<br />
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I'll wrap this post with a few visual updates of our crew from 2019!<br />
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-38196643539418264092019-01-17T15:30:00.003-05:002019-01-17T15:30:46.601-05:00Major Update<br />
As I posted back in <a href="http://www.ourjourneytoababybump.com/2017/09/our-end-is-here.html" target="_blank">2017</a>, we made the decision to donate our remaining 3 embryos that were still frozen at our clinic in Colorado. We went through so much, and trust me, that's a pretty mild statement, and couldn't imagine destroying them or "donating them to research". We wanted them to have a chance at life. Problem is, we were and are done having children. Having three amazing kids all 3 years old, is amazing, hard, filled with joy and also challenges. We are at peace and completely in love with our family of five.<br />
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Our family is what it is because of some very special people. Our egg donor. Our amazing, surrogate, Kelly. Doctors and nurses, literally across the country. So how could we not pay some of that forward? It honestly, wasn't a difficult decision for us. In the fall of 2017, we officially donated our embryos to our clinic in hopes that someone else that was dreaming as hard as we did for their own miracle, could potentially have that opportunity, because of us.<br />
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This is completely anonymous. Apparently, we will never know anything about the family or children that come from these embryos. Even though they will be 100% biological siblings to our boys and biological children to my husband, we knew that in our heart, this was still absolutely what we wanted and needed to do.<br />
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Luckily, our clinic does allow us to find out if the embryos are adopted, and if they are successful. Last week, I got that answer.<br />
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While one remains on ice and is awaiting adoption. Two were transferred to a patient, and they both stuck. And even more amazing...one split. This person or couple, now has triplets. Just like our miracles turned into three. So has theirs.<br />
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People have asked how we feel about this. We feel joy. Pure joy. And maybe a little bit of compassion for these parents that are about to have their world rocked by three at once! Because let me tell you, we know, it's going to be amazing chaos. And exhausting chaos. In the best possible way. We have our children. We are blessed by three of the sweetest, most hilarious little humans we could ever wish for. They are ours. And together, we are perfect, just the way we are.<br />
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I hope those triplets have a full and happy life. I'm guessing their parents will, that's for sure, albeit they are going to be <i>really </i>tired for the foreseeable future.<br />
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Oh, and we did snicker at the thought "what if we'd have transferred the one that split"? Geez. Never mind, on second thought lets not think of that.<br />
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Instead, lets focus on what's right here, right now, in my heart and in my arms. And all mine.</div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-77895087282782928212019-01-17T15:02:00.002-05:002019-01-17T15:04:27.558-05:00My new reality into perimenopause I literally cannot believe it's been over a year since my last post. Life has been, well, a blur. A busy, chaotic, blur. And it's been amazing. I'm forever grateful for my three miracles.<br />
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I do have an update that relates back to all my infertility though, and for the sake of keeping all my information up to date and accurate to help anyone else out there searching, I'm going to lay it all out here.<br />
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My little miracle pregnancy that happened while my gestational carrier was half way through her pregnancy with my egg donor babies, happened in April, 2015. I gave birth at the very end of 2015. Since then, I fed my daughter until her 3rd birthday. I had no periods until I stopped breastfeeding her. I thought that was <i>because </i>of breastfeeding. And I think mostly, it was.<br />
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At my annual this year, I had a few complaints. Bloating, feeling down, hot flashes, difficulty sleeping, etc. I receive an ultrasound yearly to do a little looksie at my uterus and ovaries due to my increased risk of ovarian cancer. What they found was my lining looked very thick. Odd, since that was the opposite of my infertility days. They scheduled a d&c to take a look and to remove any thick tissue that could become cancerous. What they found, was that it was the opposite of thick. It was actually scar tissue from top to bottom. So basically, my uterus looks as bad if not worse than it always had. My doctor told me if he had seen my uterus before my pregnancy, he too, would have suggested the use of a gestational carrier.<br />
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He also ran a few tests. We tested my FSH. Just to go back a few years it was always between 10 and 18 between 2013-2015. It's now 51. Which confirms that I am in perimenopause. I mean, I'm 41. So it's on the young side, but with my diminished ovarian reserve. This is what we expected, no?<br />
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What this did tell me. Was to be grateful. Truly, from deep in my soul, grateful for my miracles. All of them. But especially of Liddy. Because she did come to me from my crappy eggs. And my equally crappy uterus managed to carry her practically full-term (only 3 days shy). In he end, my body did what I dreamed it would. And I'm at peace that this old body of mine, at least from the reproductive point of view, is hanging up it's hat for good.<br />
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Because. Miracles. Happened.<br />
<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-19960046622948730942017-09-20T10:31:00.001-04:002017-09-29T13:12:02.929-04:00Our end is hereMaybe not the right title. Then again, maybe it is.<br />
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I <a href="http://www.ourjourneytoababybump.com/2016/05/a-time-for-decisions.html" target="_blank">blogged</a> awhile back about our hope to donate our embryos. While I would have loved to potentially have an open relationship with whoever adopted them, the time and energy to move them, and find someone, was just more than I can do with how much we have going on in our life. At the end of the day, I'm thrilled that they won't be destroyed, but are continued to be looked after by the best lab in the country and are currently on a list for hopeful would-be-parents that are at the end of their infertility journey and this is their only remaining option. While I definitely had a good cry over this, it was right for us. They have a chance of life. And that gives me peace.<br />
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I know donating embryos that we worked so hard for is very difficult for some people to imagine. But remember, our family is here because of not one, but two incredibly amazing people that donated themselves or pieces of themselves to make us parents. Third party reproduction is how we came to be a family of 5. So if I can give my remaining three embryos a chance at life, and help other couples the same way I was helped, how is that not a win-win for me in a really amazing way? Dr. G at CCRM also said that while the program is anonymous, he is also willing to inform me when they are adopted and let me know if there is a successful pregnancy. Again, this makes me happy. Just knowing.<br />
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I also, obviously don't blog like I used to. I don't text and email with friends the way I used to either. Life is chaos. Crazy, amazing, busy, and exhausting, but wonderful chaos. So something has to give. I have to be present in the moment with my three babes, because unlike the folks that spread their children out by, you know, a year or so, I have to do it right the first time, have no regrets. No do overs.<br />
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So I miss talking to all of you. I miss the updates, I miss the comments, and just the relationships I shared from this journey. I think of all of you so often, and I'm thankful that I still get to follow along with a lot of you on social media. I will not close this blog. I've had too many people find it helpful. A lot of my issues were rare and didn't have a lot of information out there. It makes me happy to be a resource to others. And I still welcome the emails that occasionally come to me from women that are in search of answers in DOR or Asherman's Syndrome, Donor Eggs and Surrogacy.<br />
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From time to time, I will try to post updates about our little family. I'm proud of them. So I enjoy sharing how we're doing. I also have topics from time to time that I may post about. It just may not be often. (i.e. extended breastfeeding and sleep consults are kind of in the works right now, so may make a good future post.)<br />
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Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-83764774474135858402017-07-12T16:29:00.001-04:002017-07-12T16:29:05.128-04:00twoI never thought anyone would make my heart flutter the way my husband does.<br />
<br />
And then I met my sons. Their giggles, laughs, kisses and even there general every day shenanigans<br />
simply light up my world.<br />
<br />
The past two years have been a blur. I still can't believe that they are mine. That for the rest of my life, I get to see who and what they will become. I'm honored to be there mom.<br />
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And I'm thankful for the women that gave them to me. Goose, our egg donor and of course, Kelly, who carried them when I couldn't. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of these women and say a simple prayer of gratitude for the amazing gift they have given me.<br />
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Britton is our shy, sweet, meticulous little problem solver. He's 28 pounds of love. Casey is the 29 pound instigator of all things trouble. And has the laugh and smile to go with it, to make it absolutely impossible to be stern.<br />
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These boys are my world. And on Saturday, they turn two.</div>
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Happy Birthday Britton & Casey! </div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-77786544420565679912017-05-23T14:13:00.003-04:002017-05-23T14:13:35.807-04:00My Breastfeeding JourneyWhen I was trying so hard to become pregnant for all those years, I never really gave a ton of thought to breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to try it. But I really didn't set a lot of expectations. One way or another.<br />
<br />
Then Liddy arrived and it just "took". There was no painful latches, cracked or bleeding nipples. It just worked. When she was a month old, I developed a yeast infection nipples which, wasn't a ton of fun, but we treated it, and moved on. I made it to 6 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months of exclusively breastfeeding. Quite frankly, I was amazed at myself.<br />
<br />
So we kept going. I decided, might as well shoot for a year. A year came, and a year went. And the breastfeeding continued. She's never slept through the night. She doesn't even sleep in her crib. She doesn't soothe herself to sleep, and usually has to be nursed to sleep at night. And you know what? I'm okay with all of that. She is healthy and happy. I love seeing her sweet, sleeping face lying between us at night. There's a day where she won't sleep with us and I know I'll miss it. So for now, it's our normal. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.<br />
<br />
So many people have said their babes kinda just weaned themselves around year one. Liddy is pretty adamant about her mama and her mama's "babas". Well, lets be honest, we kinda go together, so not sure which she's <i>really</i> more into. But here we are, knocking on the door of 18 months old and I don't see any signs of her being ready to wean.<br />
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I've had in my mind that we'd be done sometime in her second year. I've never imagined that I would be a mom, nursing a toddler. But here I am. But I guess I'm just letting her take the lead on this one. I asked her last night, what she would say if I said "no more babas"? She burst into tears. Point taken, Liddy.<br />
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This is all new and different for me. I don't have friends that nursed this long and while no one has said anything to me (friends or family) in a negative way, I know they are somewhat surprised that it's still going.<br />
<br />
My breasts went from a 32D to a 32G by week 12 of my pregnancy and they have pretty much stuck there. So, trust me, if she were done, I wouldn't argue. I'll probably be knocking on the door of a plastic surgeon begging for a reduction when it's all over with.<br />
<br />
She's the only baby I will ever carry. The only baby I'll ever get to breastfeed. Shouldn't I just try and have as few of regrets as possible during this most precious time in her life?<br />
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My littles are quickly approaching 18 months and 2 years old. I know I don't blog often anymore. With three toddlers, the time is just not there anymore. But, I do hope for updates over the next few months, so stay tuned! </div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-57034597596910507062017-02-02T11:19:00.005-05:002017-02-02T11:19:53.271-05:00She's ONE. (yes, I realize this post is almost TWO months late) I'm long overdue on this post. It's shameful really. I never even did a ONE year post for Liddy. Actually, that's a lie. I started one like twice, but never finished and never posted it. But, the struggle is REAL to actually do anything other than keep three tiny humans alive. And I'm managing that, so we'll call it a win.<br />
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My little Liddy Rose. They don't get much sweeter, much happier, and more of a delight than this little one. Our world maybe filled with chaos and very little sleep, but wow, I wouldn't want it any other way, because my world would not be the same without her. Our trio was simply meant to be ours.<br />
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Here's what's new with her:<br />
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She weighs 19 1/2 pounds and is in the 50th percentile. She started walking around 11 months, and since she's been watching her brothers for so long, once she started, she was really good at it! She currently has 3 teeth, with 2 more about to pop through. She was definitely on the later end on getting teeth, but so was I apparently. Her feet are tiny, well, she's pretty little in general, so I guess that makes sense. She still wears a lot of 6-12 months. Most 12-18 month brands are huge on her. She's just now fitting into some size 3 shoes. Interesting considering how long she's been walking and how hard it is to find shoes with soles smaller than a 4. She says moo, mama, dada and (kinda) tickle. It comes out "ticka ticka ticka" whilst proceeding to tickle us or her brothers. Oh, and she roars. She LOVES books. Probably more than the boys do. At least, she has more patience to sit and finish a book. She still naps 2x a day and sleeps sorta, at night. Mostly in our bed and she nurses 3-4 times per night. Usually for comfort. It's what works for us, so I go with it. She's a happy, healthy baby. She eats fairly well. Maybe not quite like her brothers do, but I can't complain.<br />
<br />
I had a lot of emotions going into her 1st birthday. This little girl still astounds me every single day and I struggle to really believe that she's mine. I have from the very beginning. I don't know how or why I was blessed with such an amazing miracle, but from the bottom of my heart I am grateful, every single second of every day.<br />
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Here are a few snaps from her "Winter ONEderland" birthday party.<br />
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My dearest baby girl. You are so so loved. </div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-15158595727818243482016-11-29T11:22:00.000-05:002016-11-29T11:22:46.376-05:00Thankful. I think back over the years of Thanksgivings where I put on a smile, but my heartache never allowed me to fully be "thankful". Of course, I was thankful for Trevor, my family, my friends...but so much was missing. My mom...this was her favorite holiday and she died just one week prior. I also had our first miscarriage on the anniversary of her death. The memory of what we went through that Thanksgiving with two separate D&C's in the same week, is still very vivid.<br />
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Last year, our Thanksgiving was amazing. It was just the four of us, with Liddy's arrival just weeks away. And yes, I was thankful beyond measure and so hopeful for our family of five. This year, my heart literally burst with pride and joy. I will always miss my mom on Thanksgiving. But I also try and remember her by carrying on little traditions that were so dear to her heart.<br />
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I continue to be grateful for all who made it possible for the blessings we've received. Our egg donor Goose. And especially, my sweet, sweet forever friend and extension of our family, Kelly, her husband and children for carrying our boys. I still hope that one day soon we can do for someone else what they have done for us.<br />
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Our Thanksgiving was not without chaos. What day isn't in our household? We had one sick little one. Luckily, it was a 24 hour bug and Casey was back to his old self by Friday.<br />
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We're less than 2 weeks away from Liddy's 1st birthday and I have so many emotions right now. Knowing all my babies will be a year and won't be babies anymore. It definitely is tugging at my heart. I'm exited for their next stages, but sad to say goodbye to what's been an amazing year of firsts for us.<br />
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A quick update, Liddy AND Britton are walking. Luckily Britton walked a few weeks before her, so he won't have to live with his baby sister walking first for the rest of his life! It was awfully close though. Casey is running. They are all so happy and have such unique personalities.<br />
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So yes, I'm thankful. And blessed. And love every crazy, chaotic, insane, and beautiful moment.<br />
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Britton</div>
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Casey</div>
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Liddy</div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-79211746613324802372016-10-20T16:42:00.003-04:002016-10-20T16:42:56.173-04:00Little LiddyMy little girl is 10 months old. Well, technically a little over that now. But I'm not exactly on the ball these days. Is there any wonder? Cause if there is, there shouldn't be.<br />
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Liddy lights up my world. It breaks my heart just a little to know my baby is just a few short months away from being one. And then...my babies won't be babies anymore.<br />
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Things to know about Liddy:<br />
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She loves her brothers. Most of the time. Except when:<br />
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1) They take her toys<br />
2) They knock her down<br />
3) They hog "mama time" (this is a biggie)<br />
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She's happy most of the time. Except when:<br />
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1) Mama isn't holding her<br />
2) She can't see Mama<br />
3) Mama's boob isn't out<br />
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She sleeps. Well, rarely.<br />
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She naps at most an hour, two times a day if we're lucky. She nurses till 8:30(ish) and goes down in her crib. Sometime between 10pm and 1pm, she wakes up and nurses again. Goes back to her crib. Wakes up again around 4:45am. Nurses again. Between 5:15 and 5:45, she's wide awake.<br />
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So. Mama is exhausted. Daddy is exhausted. We're going on over 15 months of not sleeping through the night. And it's catching up to us. We're cranky, irritable and just generally not much fun right now. And while many have suggestion for us to let her cry it out. Her tendency to make herself vomit within 5-10 minutes of that and the fact that I know, she's crying for ME, and I refuse to diminish in even the slightest way, that beautiful demeanor she has, we've decided that's not for us. So, we continue on. In hopes that in the coming months, she'll begin to wean herself from a feeding or two.<br />
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Eating. She kinda eats. More likes sucks on her food and then spits it out. She likes pouches that she can hold and suck on. She's still obsessed with oatmeal baby cereal. Probably because it's laced with breastmilk, but if I want to get food in her belly, I know that's the sure-fire way to do it. Oh, and those little freeze dried yogurt snacks. Her eyes literally light up when I hold up the bag.<br />
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She weighs 18 1/2 pounds. (ish) She wears size 3 diapers and size 6-12 month clothes or 9 months, depending on the brand I guess. The 12 month clothes still swallow her. She also wears a size 2 shoe. So apparently she got my little feet.<br />
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She loves to push things. Anything. Toys, laundry baskets, diaper pails. You name it. She'll push it. She gets that from Casey. She loves her mama. Her whole world lights up when I walk in the room. And yes, my heart melts into a giant puddle. She likes to play quietly and independently. I love it when she does this. She can be very meticulous with whatever she's playing with. It's so sweet. She likes to drum on her brothers heads. She's standing for 10-20 seconds. Has been doing this for several weeks now, so I know it's only a matter of time before she walks. Heaven help us.<br />
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Breastfeeding is still going well. I still pump 2-3 times at work 3 days a week and nurse her the other 4 days and at night. For someone that never thought I'd enjoy breastfeeding, I never want to stop. I can't even think about stopping. So I won't. Moving on.<br />
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We recently did one year photos for all three. I thought it made most sense to split the difference between their birthdays. Not to mention October is the perfect time of year. I'll post them in the next few weeks when we get them back. I will say, getting images of 3 babies, happy AND still, is well, challenging. Hopefully there are a few that are good!<br />
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I'm busy planning her 1st birthday and I can't wait. It's going to be perfect! Will definitely be sharing all the details on her as the time comes.<br />
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The boys just turned 15 months, so I'll have another update in the next week! Stay tuned!!<br />
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Here are some recent Liddy 10 month photos!!<br />
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-24688931640764453762016-09-20T12:31:00.003-04:002016-09-21T17:30:06.727-04:00time fliesIt's hard to believe that a little over a year ago, I was childless after so many years, so many treatments, so many bumps (well more like giant boulders) in the road. Today, I sit in a very different place. One that I never imagined. Ever. Even when I hoped that something, anything would work. Never did I believe or even think that I'd be in this moment, with three amazing children that are ours.<br />
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It's something I've been reflecting on a lot recently. Maybe it's missing my mom, her 60th birthday was just last week. Maybe it's seeing that my babies, aren't exactly babies anymore. Maybe it's just finally having a moment to look back and see what all transpired this past year.<br />
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Honestly, there are so many days that I almost forget that we shed blood, sweat and tears for these little miracles. There here, and we're living this chaotic and awesome life together as a family. But I'm reminded by little things here and there. And I'm glad that those reminders are here. It reminds me to cherish every moment. To be grateful for every day I'm given. To love these three by be present in their lives as much as I possibly can.<br />
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Speaking of kiddos. They are AMAZING!<br />
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Britton and Casey are 14 months old, Casey has been walking for over a month and Britton, well, isn't. But hey, he's my sweet old soul that likes to do things at his own pace. March to your own beat, B. I love you for it. Their wellness exam is end of October, but all I know...is Casey weighs way more than Britton! He was 25 pounds 6 ounces a few weeks ago. Britton, I'm pretty sure is around 22-23. Gulp.<br />
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Liddy is 9 months and is cruising like crazy. At this rate, I'm not sure who's going to walk first, her or Britton. At her recent wellness visit she was 18 pounds 7 ounces and 27 1/2 inches long. She was in the 50th percentile for height and weight. Her head on the other hand, was in the 95th!<br />
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They make my world go round. And every day, I just remain thankful for all the people that went into making my family a reality. Goose (our egg donor), Kelly, CCRM, Midwest Fertility...my friends and family and most especially T. What would I do without these little monkeys!?<br />
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-34794295887718656482016-08-11T11:27:00.001-04:002016-08-11T11:27:39.971-04:00my baby girl is 8 months oldI seem to always post the baby updates together. I decide this time, I'm actually gonna give Liddy her own post AND it's gonna be on time.<br />
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She's 8 months old today and I don't know where the time has gone. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was still pregnant with her. I feel like this entire year has been a blur. That makes me a bit sad, I won't lie. My dreams came true in a giant one-two-three punch. There are times that I wish I could just spend a whole day focusing on just one baby. That they should be getting more one on one time but it's just not possible. There are moments of course. Where I'll run errands and Trevor will stay home and I'll take one baby with me, but those moments are rare and they never last very long. I hope they all know how very much I love them and I truly hope they feel that love even if they are constantly surrounded by and sharing their mom and dad with their siblings.<br />
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That all said, yes, I'm feeling emotional about the fact that my babies aren't really babies anymore. Liddy has been crawling since she was 6 months old and has been standing since she was 7 months old. I've begged her to slow down, but she refuses. Gotta keep up with her brothers. At this rate she'll be walking the same time they are!<br />
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She was at the pediatrician this week and weighed 17 pounds and 13 ounces. At her 6 month appointment she was right at the 50th percentile for weight and 25th percentile for height. However, she was pretty close to the 90th percentile for her head size, which makes sense considering it was her head that caused me to have a c-section! She's wearing 9 month or 6-12 month clothes. She's wearing size 3 diapers and size 0-3 month shoes! Guess she's gonna have small feet like her mama! (I'm a size 6)<br />
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The nurse practitioner she saw in early July told us her teeth were coming in any minute. Well, still no teeth, but she's been drooling and chewing on everything for months. So we're still waiting.<br />
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She's still a breastfeeding champ. She gets about 12 oz a day by bottle, 3 times a week. The rest of the time I nurse her. She still nurses a few times at night and sleeps in her crib about 30% of the time. The rest of the time she sleeps with me. I'm exhausted pretty much every day. I work full time and have 3 babies under 13 months, so, yes, when she wakes to nurse, I bring her in bed and we both fall asleep. But to do what I do, I need rest, so for now, it works for us. Plus I know she's the only baby I'll ever get this experience with. So I'm just gonna enjoy it while it last. Most people say by the time they are a year, the middle of the night feedings will end. That's really not that far away.<br />
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She eats solids...kinda. She's not a huge puree fan. She does like to do finger foods IF you can get her to sit in her high chair. That's a huge giant "if". Because she hates it. She hates her high chair, she hates her car seat, she hates sitting in pretty much anything that isn't your lap or the floor. She only moderately likes her stroller. She literally will stretch and contort her body to keep from getting into any such seat. It's quite comical.<br />
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She's definitely a mama's girl still. I'm sure it's because I'm her food, but also her comfort person due to our nursing bond. I won't lie...I like it. She's still such a happy baby, and we are incredibly lucky. She's completed our family and our hearts in so many ways. I look forward to so many amazing moments with this little girl.<br />
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Here's some pics of her from this morning...<br />
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-50661015997426983302016-07-25T14:59:00.000-04:002016-07-25T14:59:06.966-04:00one year + seven monthsIt amazes me that time has flown by like it has. One year ago we were in Texas spending every moment possible in the NICU just waiting to take our little boys home. Here we are, celebrating the first year of their life.<br />
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And what a year it's been.<br />
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It's been crazy, hectic and exhausting. It's been amazing, surreal and the best moments of my life.<br />
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These boys have changed me in so many ways. I feel happy and complete. (Even when I can barely keep my eyes open)<br />
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Since the moment I laid eyes on them they stole my heart. But seeing the little people they are becoming has been a dream. Their laughs and their personalities can brighten even the hardest of days.<br />
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As far as an update, here goes:<br />
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Casey is 24 pounds 2 ounces and 29 inches long, though he was pretty squirmy so that could be off slightly. The pediatrician wants the poor guy on 2% instead of whole milk. Speaking of which. He likes everything. I really haven't found any foods that he won't eat. And lets not be late on serving this guy...when it's time to eat, he is ready! This kid is the tidest eater ever. Mainly because he prefers that all food actually make it into his belly. He also is not a Still no walking, but he's a speed crawler. And he walks really well holding onto things, so we're getting there. He has the best laugh ever. It comes from deep in his belly. There is nothing better than hearing my Casey laugh. He's also such a snuggler, but is also very independent. He's the less needy of the three, he's really good at just waiting his turn (unless we're talking food...obviously) He says mamamamamamamamamamamama...and he knows how to clap. But no real talking yet, except for their own language, which I can't quite decipher yet.<br />
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Nickname is Casey Bear still. Cause...his bear hugs are amazing. We also like to say "Casey Smash" cause he kinda just barrels through everything. There is nothing delicate about this guy. I love it.<br />
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Britton is 22 pounds 8 ounces and 29 1/8 inches. He gets whole milk now. He also likes pretty much everything but is WAY messier about it. You can bet your tush he's gonna have half his meal in the seat of his high chair or on the floor. Still no walking, he and Casey pretty much are neck and neck with their abilities. He's a little needier and wants to be held a lot still. When it comes to separation anxiety, this guy definitely shows more of that than his brother. But he's also more likely to snuggle in your lap and let you read a book than Casey is. He likes his downtime a little more and definitely has a bubble...that Casey likes to be in. They either love laughing at each other or are horse collaring and pulling each others hair, making one another cry. Guess I better be ready for many years of that! He knows the difference between Mama and Dada. And this guy...is a daddy's boy. He loves, loves, loves his Daddy. He is all about me until his Dad walks through the door. Then I'm pretty much chop liver. Luckily we have 3 babies.<br />
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Speaking of three. Liddy turned 7 months. And watch out, there is no stopping this girl. She's 17 pounds 8 ounces and has been scooting/crawling for a month now. She's also standing. The boys were MONTHS behind this little chickadee. And she loves them! She wants to be near them. Even if it means getting toys ripped out of her hands, pushed over, crawled on top of, for the most part, she doesn't care. She's slowly eating more foods. But it's SLOW. About 60% of the time she just refuses. She likes rice cereal or oatmeal (probably because it's soaked in breastmilk. Anything else, it's a gamble. She still nurses regularly. Like every 3-5 hours. Even at night. So she's still sleeping with me. And, if you want to talk about separation anxiety...this one has it bad. I can't even get up to pee at night without her losing it because I left the room. So maybe this is for another day, but would love to get some feedback on how often she's nursing at night and the fact that she is a little magnet to me. Is that okay? My husband wants to put her in her crib and just let her cry. (Uh...yeah, I'm not thinking I can go to that extreme.) But, I am tired. And after a year of waking up nonstop every night...the lack of sleep is starting to get to me a little.<br />
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The boys also had to get tubes last week. We've just had too many ear infections. I was super nervous but the procedures went great and were super fast. So here's hoping we're officially on the road to some happier little boys!!<br />
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I feel like this post is a giant ramble. But...I posted and these days that's a major accomplishment. I'll leave this with some of the pictures from the boys birthday party.<br />
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Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-16920200852220989772016-06-23T12:08:00.000-04:002016-06-23T12:08:07.895-04:0011 Month + 6 Month UpdateI never wanted to stop blogging. And I guess I technically haven't, as obviously, I haven't, completely. But when I notice my posts getting further and further apart, my heart aches. I want to write about so much. There really is so much to share about my experience, my life, my new normal. But...here I am, a month since my last post, and there is still no free time to speak of.<br />
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I never understood how parents could take DAYS to respond to a simple text. I mean, your phone is always with you. It takes like 2 seconds, right? Well not only are my responses sometimes delayed. I feel like I've fallen off the face of the earth to many of my dear friends that I used to text with on a daily (some hourly) basis.<br />
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My post my be all over the place. It may ramble. But...it's a post and it's the best I've got right now in this 15 minute window that I sit at work (in the bathroom pumping). Really, that's the only me time I get, and many times I literally tilt my head back and doze. In a bathroom.<br />
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And you know what? I'm deliriously happy. We are crazy busy. There are a lot of things that have gone right out the window that we used to do. Our priority now? Eating, feeding, sleeping, holding, working, playing...rinse and repeat. So...an update:<br />
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<b>Britton + Casey</b></div>
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Turned 11 months. I cannot even believe it's been that long since they literally stole my heart. And every day, I love them more and more and wonder how that's even possible.<br />
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Casey is my little chunk of love. He's knocking on the door of 25 pounds. Literally only a few ounces away. He finally started crawling a few weeks ago. And once he did that, he immediately started standing...and cruising. It's like there is no stopping him. And he's not dainty (obviously). He just barrels right through anything and everything. Casey, smash....that's him...in a nutshell. But he's so loving. If I would hold him in my arms all night long, he would be in pure heaven. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes tight. So we call him Casey Bear still...because there is nothing better than a Casey Bear Hug.<br />
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Britton has been crawling for a few months now. And he's been standing the past several weeks. And cruising. He's my little spider monkey. He just clings with all 4 limbs when you pick him up. And he's a little needier. When he's upset or tired, you know, because all he wants it to just sit in your lap. He's started to have a little separation anxiety when we leave a room. His sweet face when he yells "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma" (to Trevor or myself) can break me in two. He's been pretty stable at around 22 pounds. No question he's the slimmer of the two!<br />
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Together they are either the best of friends or completely angry at each other...usually over a toy or a pacifier. They are such paci snatchers! Right out of each others mouth. It's hilarious. They love to just smile and laugh at each other which warms my heart. May they always, always have such love for each other. Love, respect and kindness. And I will have done my job.<br />
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<b>Liddy </b></div>
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Oh Liddy Rose. She's 6 months going on a year. (16 pounds, 8 ounces) She watches everything they do and is leaps and bounds ahead of where they were at her age. She's army crawling, sitting up on her own and getting on her hands and knees and rocking. I know it's their prematurity that has them behind, but holy moly, she's determined to do what they do. They crawl all over her and she isn't phased in the least. It's just a normal day in her life to have one brother trying to sit on her and the other one eating/sucking on her leg, butt or arm. She loves them though. And they love her. They stand up on her apparatuses and just laugh and talk to her. I finally started giving her a little bit of oatmeal the week she turned 6 months. Even though the pediatrician pushed for 4 months. I wanted her EBF for a solid 6 months, and she was. She's a big comfort nurser at night. I'd say it's something we're working on, but we aren't. I don't mind. And I kinda love it. So, we're co-sleeping at the moment.<br />
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She is without a doubt a mama's girl. No question, no doubts, it is what it is. And you get no complaints out of me! Maybe a few out of Casey and Britton when they also want their mama's lap, but we always make room. She's still my super happy baby. She's content about 98% of the day. She wakes up smiling and goes to sleep smiling. I can't ask for much more than that.<br />
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We're planning the boys 1st birthday party. I'd say I hope to write again before that, but lets be realistic. That will be my next post. So until then...<br />
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-46304943371965128032016-05-12T14:05:00.002-04:002016-05-12T14:06:15.920-04:00A time for decisionsIt shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone to hear that our family is complete. We have two boys and a girl. We're a family of FIVE! I always teetered on the edge of wanting either two or three children. Then of course...along came infertility, and I just wanted to have one. Please, God...give me one.<br />
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My prayers were answered in the most unbelievable way. We're content with our family. Our lives are crazy hectic. We barely sleep. There is always <i>someone </i>that wakes up night after night. There is little down time. And that's okay. I wouldn't have it any other way.<br />
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But...at almost 39 years old. We don't see trying again in our future. My husband is a little more clear on that point. Don't get me wrong. I'm also clear. But I have the tug of how much I love these little nuggets that it's hard to be so final.<br />
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But it is. My husband had a vasectomy in late March. Something I would have laughed hysterically about just a short time ago. It wasn't a big deal. He went in on a Friday afternoon, was in the office less than 15 minutes getting it done (yes, I watched). And by Sunday was back to normal. I'd say even on Saturday he was up and around and lifting babies.<br />
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But still...that was the final end of our family. There are still three to consider. The three remaining embryos that are in storage at CCRM. Three high quality blasts. What do we do with them?<br />
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Do we save them? <i>Just in case?</i> Knowing the answer to that already. We don't even believe it's fair to our current children to have more. They deserve every bit of the attention they can get from us!<br />
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Do we donate them to science? Destroy them? I can barely type that word without cringing. I just can't imagine it.<br />
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Unfortunately, CCRM doesn't have the best options for what my preference would be. They do have an option to donate anonymously. Unlike our egg donor whose information is available to our boys when they turn 18...any children that come from these embryos would not have that benefit. CCRM would never give them any information about us at all. They would never know they have two full siblings. One half sibling through their egg donor. That makes me sad for those babies.<br />
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CCRM refuses to do known donations, which would be our preference. So there isn't an easy way to gift our embryos to someone to use. The only way this is allowed is for the embryos to be moved to another clinic.<br />
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But doesn't the chance of life still outweigh the unfortunate guidelines that CCRM imposes?<br />
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It's a long process. A year actually for it to be a done deal. So right now, we're just considering it. Trying to decide if we are ready to wish them well, hope they can help another family have truly amazing babies that Casey and Britton are to us, and let them go.Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-69506679726965609252016-04-29T21:38:00.001-04:002016-04-29T22:53:20.710-04:00My Story.I'm just going to start with, my story has a happy ending. There were many days, months and years that I wasn't sure it would.<br>
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My story truly began 15 years ago when I met my husband. Because <i>my</i> happy ending wouldn't have been possible without him. We've been married for 5 years, and we spent 4 of those 5 years battling infertility. We're one in eight.<br>
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In 2011 shortly after we were married, we began trying to conceive. We had recently had an ectopic pregnancy while on an IUD, so surely, getting pregnant would happen to us. And it did. Three months after trying, we got those infamous pink lines that we were hoping for. The happiness didn't last. Just a few short weeks later at our first ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. No baby. What they call a blighted ovum.<br>
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It took 2 separate D&C's to resolve the pregnancy as I wasn't miscarrying on my own. All of 2012 we tried. Tried with meds, tried with medicated IUI's. Tried with my OBGyn and with my first of five fertility doctors. By the end of 2012, I was finally diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. I was told the only way I'd ever conceive would be by using donor eggs.<br>
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I was devasted. The doctor we were seeing at the time wasn't even willing to try IVF or any treatments using my eggs. From here we saw more doctors, two more in Indianapolis and finally one in Chicago that preformed our one and only round of IVF. Which was devastatingly unsuccessful. By this point we were already talking with CCRM. One of the most renowned clinics in the country. We traveled to Denver, Colorado and made the decision to use donor eggs. It seemed crystal clear and after all, what we wanted was a baby to complete us and our family. The DNA didn't matter.<br>
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We had another surprise though. A few weeks later we found ourselves naturally pregnant again. Unfortunately, we knew rather quickly that this pregnant was not viable. What I never expected was the drastic consequences that would come from this pregnancy. The D&C that was preformed damaged my uterus. Before we knew this...our egg donor was already cycling for us. We were thrilled when we found out we had SIX embryos. They were ours. Just waiting for my body to heal from the D&C and then we could finally transfer one of those precious embryos into me. However, my body wouldn't heal. I had significant scar tissue from the D&C, maybe from the multiple D&C's over the years.<br>
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For months we tried with specialists and treatments to correct the issue. We finally tried a transfer but with low chances of success. To no avail. We knew the only way our precious embryos would ever make a baby was by using another uterus. A healthy uterus.<br>
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And then we met K. Through the love and friendship of <a href="http://www.dreamingofdimples.com/" target="_blank">Dreaming of Dimples</a> I met the woman that would carry our babies. TWINS. Twin boys! And that experience was such a blessing. She is our family. Her children and husband are our family. They always will be. What they gave us...is priceless in so many ways.<br>
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I truly believe that doctors can only know so much about our body. We were told we had less than 1% chance of conceiving even with medical treatments. I had been taken completely out of the equation. My eggs, my uterus. But somehow, half way through my surrogates pregnancy...we got the absolute shock of our lives.<br>
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We were pregnant. On our own, completely natural. My egg and my uterus...had a little left to give.<br>
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And thank god it did. Because our life maybe completely chaotic and night and day different than what it was like a year ago...but only in the best possible way. We stay home 95% of the time these days. We don't go out to restaurants...or at least it's pretty rare, and we rarely get date nights. But we are a family of 5. And while, I still struggle to believe that this is real. I know that I will always be infertile. I will always remember the days that infertility consumed me. The tears, the heartache, the hope and then the constant let downs. I know that we've "beat" infertility. Our family is complete. But what we went through will always be a piece of me.<br>
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I have friends that still struggle. And this community that I have been apart of for these past 5 years, I could have never put one foot in front of the other without them on my darkest days. I hope that the women that find my blog, that have similar issues, can find information, comfort and most importantly...hope in my story. Miracles do happen. <div><br></div><div>So yes...my chaotic little family of 5, is more than I could have ever dreamed of. <br>
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<br></div>Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-84409038676417230712016-04-27T16:01:00.003-04:002016-04-27T16:04:29.021-04:009 month + 4 month updateAgain...I find that much time has passed since my last update. I really want to continue blogging and not just about my little trios updates, but about infertility, life before and life after. Sadly, time has not allowed. At least yet.<br />
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So...that being said. Life is crazy busy! These little munchkins keep me on my toes and I rarely stop for a moment to breathe. So those of you I typically communicate with via email and text...this is why you hear from me so infrequently. If I'm not working...and not tending to my little family...you can bet your butt I'm sleeping!<br />
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I always thought when friends with children took DAYS to respond to a simple text message, that it was odd. I mean, it doesn't take that long to text for goodness sakes. Whelp. I stand corrected.<br />
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Busy we are. Tired we are. And above all...Happy. We are grateful for every single tired moment.<br />
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We went through a LONG period of colds and ear infections and are finally seemingly over all of that. Casey has two teeth, Britton we think, is close. During this time, Casey became quite the fan of co-sleeping. And I have to admit, I loved every minute of it. Not just did he like to sleep with us, but he liked to literally bear hug me with his little body and sleep that way. We have spent the last week, trying our best to break that habit. It breaks my heart in two because I think I loved it as much as he did. But with two other babies, co-sleeping with one, doesn't seem wise.<br />
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Breastfeeding continues to surprise me. I mentioned before, I wasn't sure I'd like it and be able to make it to 3 months...now, almost 5 months in, I can't imagine <i>not </i>breastfeeding. I love that she's never had an ounce of formula. And considering my stash only continues to increase vs. decrease now that I'm back at work, I truly think we can get to a year or beyond. My biggest concern is a work trip I have coming up at the end of July that's for 4.5 days. Though multiple people online have said that we're well established at this point, that it shouldn't be an issue. I just want her to still WANT to nurse when I come home. It would break my heart if she didn't.<br />
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<b>Updates:</b><br />
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<i><b>Liddy's 4 month appointment</b></i><br />
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She was 13 pounds and 8 ounces. In the 50th percentile for height and weight (but 90th percentile for head...no wonder she wouldn't come out). She started rolling over when she was 3 months and is now essentially a pro at it and is working on sitting up. It amazes me how quickly she's doing things compared to the boys. I have to remember that they were almost two months premature. Though her determination at pretty much everything she does makes me believe they will quickly be on an even playing field and really will seem like triplets. She laughs and coos at us. She literally wakes up and falls asleep smiling. She's the happiest baby I've ever met. I always thought the boys were good babies, but she takes it to another level. With three infants, I feel so blessed that they have had such laid back and happy temperaments. It's certainly helped that the moments of having 3 with meltdowns are few and far between. The pediatrician has pushed us to get her out of our bedroom since her 2 month appointment and to start her on baby food at her 4 month appointment. Neither of which I'm in any hurry to do. Being exclusively breastfed, I don't plan on introducing solids until at least 6 months. And she's quite content and shows no signs that she's ready or wanting anything more. As far as sleeping, she has slept through the night, but typically wakes up and wants to nurse. I like having her close by. I do believe some of what she does is comfort nursing during the night because she usually doesn't nurse long and prefers to be in bed with me so she can kind of latch and unlatch. I let her. Wrong or not, I'm not sure. But that's what we do. :)<br />
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Here's our girl. </div>
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Nicknames: Liddy Girl, Petunia, Princess Petunia</div>
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<i><b>Britton & Casey's 9 month appointment</b></i></div>
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These guys are just growing up at staggering speeds. Britton is almost crawling and Casey is FINALLY starting to roll over and get on his hands and knees. Britton even pulled himself up to standing recently. Unlike their sister, they are ready for solid foods and are polishing off anything we give them. Well, most anything. Britton prefers to be a vegetarian. They are getting 3 meals a day plus a snack. They say a lot of "ma ma ma ma ma ma" and "ba ba ba ba ba ba ba". Though not directed at anything or anyone in general. They are starting to know when things are taken away from them and show their displeasure and are constantly fighting over toys. Britton likes to try and alligator roll while getting his diaper changed. So that's a challenge! They also seem to notice when Trevor and I leave and when we come back. Their little gleeful faces and they way they laugh and jump when they see is literally melts my heart every day. At last weeks appointment Britton was 21 pounds 12 ounces and Casey was 22 pounds 8 ounces. Pretty close to 95th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. Can definitely tell that Britton is slimming up since he's so much more mobile that Casey. Casey's head is smaller and he's shorter...but he weighs a pound more. Evident by the cute squeezable, pinchable cheeks he's rocking. Casey got his first hair cut last week, but only nipped a bit to keep it manageable. </div>
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My little men.</div>
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Nicknames: Casey - Casey Bear (he's a hugger), Britton - Love bug, "B" and Busy B</div>
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After all we went through, I still struggle to look at them and know they are mine. It's so surreal...and they are so much more than I ever imagined. </div>
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My miracles.</div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-61170394023022290272016-03-22T10:29:00.001-04:002016-03-22T10:29:43.169-04:00Where do I start?My last blog post was almost exactly 2 months ago. I'm not sure where to begin and where to end this post. There is so much to say.<br />
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I'll start with Casey, Britton & Liddy. I mean, my day starts and ends with them, so it seems right that so should this blog.<br />
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Casey & Britton were 8 months old last week. I can't even believe where the time has gone. They weight 21 pounds 7 ounces and 21 pound 8 ounces. They are the sweetest, most loving little guys I could ever ask for. Their smiles when they see T or myself melt my heart. For the first time in my life, I know absolute unconditional love from a child. (well, 3) And it truly is the best thing in the world.<br />
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Liddy is 3 months old and is going to quickly catch up with her brothers. She does everything faster. I'm sure because they were preemies, and maybe because she sees them? She's already rolling over. But that could be because she hates tummy time that much, that she had a bit of motivation. She's currently 13 pounds 12 ounces. She's such a content baby. So long as someone is in the room with her, she is happy all day long. You'll never hear a peep. When she's hungry, she just starts gnawing her fists.<br />
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Our house has been full of snot, coughing and major congestion for the past month. Ear infections galore. It's been pretty miserable for all involved. The boys see an ENT tomorrow because after 2 rounds of antibiotics, the infections are still there and getting worse. My poor, poor boys. Nothing worse than seeing them struggle to breathe because they are so congested or coughing fits that lead to them throwing up their bottle.<br />
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Liddy has had a few sniffles, but hasn't gotten it quite like the rest of us. Hopefully that's because she's being breastfed? At least, that's what I'm going to say it is. I never thought I'd love breastfeeding as much as I do. I thought it would be hard, especially with infant twins. But Liddy and I are pretty awesome at it. So yeah, I'm a happy, breastfeeding mama. I have a good supply. I bit of a forceful letdown that we've had to find different positions for, but she's a chunky, happy baby, so we're figuring it out. I did have a yeast infection in my nipples back in January that was almost the death of me. Talk about toe curling pain! Ouch! Thank goodness I was able to muster through all of that (without passing it on to Liddy) and didn't give up.<br />
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Yesterday was my first day back to work. Not many have the unique situation of a second maternity leave during their child's first year of life. I feel so grateful for not just the time home with Liddy, but the additional time with my boys. To see them change so much and become so active these past few months was an absolute joy and something I'll always cherish. I wish more than anything that I could just stay home with them. But I know that my working will benefit them now and in the long run. I'll be working out of my house 2 days a week, so really, I'm pretty blessed with a great company that is offering me quite a bit of flexibility.<br />
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I have a lot more to say and so many feels going on in my head and my heart, so I promise that's coming very soon. But for now, that's my update on my triple miracle babes.<br />
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-3287787733660621282016-01-24T14:09:00.000-05:002016-01-24T14:09:01.082-05:006 months of joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It blows my mind that it's been 6 months since these little guys came into the world. To say they are a delight is putting it mildly. They are an absolute joy and bright up my whole world every day. Their little personalities are really starting to shine now.<br />
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Casey (aka Twin A)<br />
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Casey is my sensitive soul. I simply have to walk in the room and he smiles at me. He's laid back and super chill. Unless he's hungry. My little man loves to eat. Which should be completely evident by looking at those sweet cheeks of his. He is 18 pounds 9 ounces. Preemie NO MORE! He's started eating solids and is a huge fan. He's of the "Get in my belly NOW", mindset. He sleeps 11 hours a night and has since he was 4 months old. He's a wee more serious most of the time, but when you get a laugh out of him, they are of the down deep in the belly kind. It's pretty awesome. He rolled over a few times around Thanksgiving, but then decided he was done with that (or just got to fat) and is now just content to lie on his belly or back. Though he's started doing crunches recently, so I'm guessing he'd like to sit up soon. He wears size 9 month clothes and size 4 diapers. He is without a doubt going to be my little mama's boy. He totally gives the best snuggles I've ever had.<br />
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Britton (aka Twin B)<br />
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Britton is going to be the life of the party, the instigator of all things naughty and will keep us laughing for the rest of our life, I have NO doubt. He wants to be walked around so he can see what's what. His daddy is happy to oblige him and does a lot of baby wearing around the house. Pretty sure it's his favorite. He also likes to squeal, squawk, and holler as loud as he possibly can. It's quite humorous. And maybe one of my top 3 favorite sounds. He laughs with his mouth wide open and is very ticklish! He's rolling from back to belly and belly to back regularly and also working on his core. He also loves to stand up (assisted of course). He's wearing size 9 months and size 4 diapers and is 18 pounds 8 ounces. He'll eat, but it isn't quite as much of a priority as it is with Casey.<br />
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I think about our life just over a year ago and how much it's changed. Three infants is not easy. It's exhausting, it's hard and it's chaotic. But it's the best kind of chaos and every thing I dreamed being a mother could be. We had so many hard moments the past 4 years, this is what dreams are made of and make it all worth it.<br />
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<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.blogger.com%2Fblogger.g%3FblogID%3D2737962049720052548%23editor%2Fsrc%3Ddashboard&media=https%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-78X1rKftC0o%2FVqULgmZs-zI%2FAAAAAAAAFyA%2Fc-RihtWDLdk%2Fs320%2F12523898_10156275333790467_8112936759857055667_n.jpg&xm=h&xv=sa1.37.01&xuid=zPhoGdqiMCCA&description=" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; left: 193px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; top: 882px; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.blogger.com%2Fblogger.g%3FblogID%3D2737962049720052548%23editor%2Fsrc%3Ddashboard&media=https%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-78X1rKftC0o%2FVqULgmZs-zI%2FAAAAAAAAFyA%2Fc-RihtWDLdk%2Fs320%2F12523898_10156275333790467_8112936759857055667_n.jpg&xm=h&xv=sa1.37.01&xuid=zPhoGdqiMCCA&description=" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; left: 193px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; top: 882px; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-33588627990294278132015-12-22T22:34:00.001-05:002015-12-23T01:50:46.716-05:00Liddy Rose...Her StoryShe's HERE! I have to apologize for the delay, but it's been a heck of a week and a half.<br>
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But...my little girl arrived on December 11th at 8:07 pm. She weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces and was 21 inches long (I question that length being accurate as she was about 19 inches a few days later). I was 36 weeks and 4 days.<br>
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My water broke (at work of all places) on Thursday, December 10th around 3:45 pm. After a tiny bit of mayhem, I made it to L&D only to find out I wasn't dilated. They wanted to see if I would start on my own, but nope! Around midnight I was put on Pitocin. An hour or so later, they administered the epidural.<br>
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Now, I always assumed I'd get the drugs for labor and delivery of a baby. And many people on that day said, "don't be a hero, get the drugs". I will tell you right now that is my biggest regret. The epidural made me the most miserable of any other part of my labor. For this reason. I got "wet tapped". Google it. But it basically means that they went to far. They punctured my dura. This meant that they had to give me the meds for the epidural very slowly because of the intense effect it would have. My lower body was complete dead weight. I couldn't feel them at all and even worse, for about 8-10 hours my legs felt asleep. Like the pins and needles asleep feeling. It pretty much drove me insane. To the point that I finally told them to turn the epidural meds way down so I could have feeling back.<br>
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By around 5 pm, on Friday, December 11th, I was finally dilated to a 10. We pushed for over 2 hours but she wouldn't budged past my pelvic bone. The doctor didn't think she was going to be able to get past it. She said I could push for another hour, but she just didn't see it working. So c-section it was. <br>
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At 8:07, my beautiful Liddy Rose arrived into this world as perfect as she could be. I will never ever forget those moments. The moment in which we became a perfect family of five. When my family was officially complete.<div><br>
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The next day, my cup runneth over when my boys "strolled" into the room. It was in that moment that I broke down in tears. One, I'd been away from them for 2 full days. Two, I had all my children together, in one place for the first time. </div><div><br>
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I wish I could say that things were super easy and smooth sailing from there. They weren't exactly. We were discharged on Monday, December 14th. But on Tuesday, Liddy was looking a wee too yellow and we had her bilirubin checked. It was 19. WAY too high. She was immediately admitted into the NICU and put under lights. That same day, my headaches from the last 2 days intensified. This was something I was told to watch out for from the anesthesiologist. I was told to go to triage (2 floors down from the NICU) and it was confirmed that I was having spinal headaches from the wet tap. So in between feeding Liddy in the NICU, I had to have a blood patch to try and fix the wet tap. Luckily it worked and the headaches went away immediately. But having a second epidural knowing that the same thing <i>could </i>happen again...was NOT fun.<br>
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The next two nights. I stayed at the hospital. Walking the halls at night (less than a week after my c-section) every few hours to feed my little girl. Luckily my milk had come in around the same day she was admitted. I like to think that I helped in a small way with getting her out of there and home quickly. On Thursday, December 17th, we finally went home for good.<br>
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It was so hard being away from the boys for so long and especially hard knowing I couldn't pick them up. The restrictions from the c-section AND the blood patch were pretty clear on that. It sucked. I won't lie.<br>
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The past 5 days have been a bit of a blur. We have 3 babies age 5 months and under. Pretty freaking amazing, but pretty exhausting too. Especially while recovering. But I'm doing great...and so is she. And so are my boys! We're finding a decent little rhythm and luckily have had family in town to help us.<br>
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My husband was my hero through all of this. Everything he's done and continues to do makes me realize how lucky I truly am to have him. I look at him and these beautiful children and trust me, I know how blessed we are this very special Christmas. <br>
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<br></div>Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-19260228696060416722015-11-24T14:28:00.000-05:002015-11-24T14:28:00.699-05:00Good newsYesterday was a big day. We had our ultrasound with our MFM to look at a particular part of my placenta to see if it was or was not placenta accreta. <div>
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It was not. </div>
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My placenta looks great. Go figure. After all these years of calling my uterus "crap", I feel a little guilty. It's doing it's thing. What more could I ask? </div>
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Her bowels also did not look echogenic at this appointment. Which is awesome. Further reassurance that it was just another fluke that backs up all the tests that we've gone through to rule out any abnormalities. </div>
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What they DID find was that this little gal is a whopping 6 pounds and 1 ounce at 34 weeks. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. I'm a 112 pound girl (pre-pregnancy) and was only 6 pounds and change when I was born at 39 weeks. Granted, Trevor was a 9 pound baby and if you've seen pictures of our twins, there is no shortage of cheeks, chins and fat rolls at our house. So apparently, she's taking after them and will be a little chunk. Her head was 98th percentile (WTF people) and her tummy is 87th percentile with her femur measuring around 85th percentile. </div>
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My doctor seems pretty against inducing early, which is seriously stressing me out. She's also very low. They had trouble getting her head measurements because she's so far down in my pelvis. However, after a little reading, that doesn't really mean much about going into labor early. </div>
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Speaking of...I spent Saturday night in the hospital. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions since week 28. On Saturday, they were coming about every 7 minutes for several hours and by the time I was hooked up to monitors at triage, they were every 5 minutes. She was doing great, so I received a Terbutaline Injection which stopped the contractions and I got to go home. They weren't painful and my cervix was not affected. </div>
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I have a lot of back pain, pelvic pain, carpel tunnel issues (my hands go numb at night), acid reflux and most recently, my hands and feet are swelling. And, I would take all of these things and much much more to get to be these little ones mom. It's 6 more weeks. I've got this. </div>
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Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-6255828363673449912015-11-18T16:11:00.001-05:002015-11-18T16:12:01.478-05:004 Month Update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My precious little loves are 4 months old. While I won't have a true statistic update until next week, I can't help but post about how simply amazing they are. They both have such sweet and very distinct personalties. They've also started sleeping about 8.5 hours per night. Their very pregnant mama REALLY appreciates this little gift.<br />
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Meet Casey, aka Twin A<br />
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Casey was and still is a chill little dude. Even in utero. He spent much of his 9 months in the lower corner or Kelly's uterus curled up and super content. He has stayed true to those first glimpses of his personality. He's perfectly content being put down anywhere, but also absolutely loves to literally melt into your chest when you hold him. He has a lip quiver that will literally turn you into a puddle. If he keeps that little quirk, I'm pretty sure he could get away with anything. He's my sweet, sensitive soul. He's more reserved with his smiles, but when he does give you one, it lights up the room. I'm completely wrapped around his chubby little finger. He loves his bottle. Just check out those cheeks and you'll see that is no joke. He definitely is a bit rounder than his brother, but has typically been about 1/2 pound less than Britton. Curious to see if that is still the case come next Wednesday at their 4 month wellness appointment.<br />
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Meet Britton, aka Twin B<br />
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Britton was all over the place in utero, keeping Kelly up at all hours and giving nurses fits at the hospital just to keep monitors on him. He's sassy and full of spunk. He wants to be held. A lot. And not just held, but walked around. It's like an instant soother. He also has some of the most awesome facial expressions I've ever seen. No doubt this is my funny guy. He adores being talked to. One of his favorite things is sitting on his daddy's lap and this weird little "thing" they do. I can't even explain it, other than to say, it's hilarious and he loves it. He also loves baths with his mama. He likes to eat, but he's not necessarily a "finish every single drop, every single time" like his brother is. He's got chins for days (I've included a special picture just to show you how many), but he seems a little more dispersed than Casey with his weight.<br />
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Both little guys are getting stronger and stronger with their neck and back strength. I'm so so proud at how far they've come since their days as wee little things in the NICU!<br />
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It's still difficult to wrap my head around how blessed we are. I can't imagine these two not in my life. I can't imagine not coming home to them or waking up to their sweet, smiling faces. I wouldn't trade these moments in their life for anything in the world. I only wish I could keep them little forever. But then, I also look forward to all the stages of their lives. </div>
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Here's how much they love each other...most of the time. ;)</div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-55038417546369342542015-11-10T15:36:00.002-05:002015-11-11T09:45:22.725-05:00"Your baby looks wonderful"Those are some pretty strong words for someone coming from the infertility depths in which I've been. But that's what she said after my first NST (nonstress test) this morning. "Your baby looks wonderful".<br />
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I feel like everyone is waiting for a complication. A blip in this otherwise seemingly great pregnancy. Other than aches and pains, which I would gladly suffer through for as long as it takes, this pregnancy really has been, well, normal. Other than the constant monitoring, but that's more because the risk is there.<br />
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But she...she is great. It's all up to my body to just hang in there a little longer. As of yesterday, I was 32 weeks. In 6 more days I'll be at the same point in which my boys were born. I certainly would rather she didn't come early...but if she did, my little guys are proof that all will be fine. I take comfort in that.<br />
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I'll be doing weekly NST's for the remainder of the pregnancy. This little gal is in the 81st percentile and measuring 3 weeks ahead. I can't believe I'm actually looking at having a BIG baby. How that's possible, I have no idea. My husband arrived in this world weighing around 9 pounds. So guess she's taking after him! My doctor seems to be against inducing early, regardless of her size. This should be interesting. Guess we'll find out at the MFM appointment when we find out about the placenta accreta in two weeks if it even matters.<br />
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My boys are amazing. Like I can't get enough of them. I miss them like crazy when I'm at work and think of them nonstop. The second I get home, I don't know who's happier, them or me. Probably me. I sometimes want to pinch myself because none of this seems like it should be real. How is it fair? There are women I still think of often and pray get their miracle. They deserve it so much. How is it possible that regardless of what I've gone through, here I am about to have my third child in less than 6 months? The realization and guilt does overwhelm me at times.<br />
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But I couldn't, wouldn't change a thing. Not the years of infertility. Not using an egg donor. Not using a surrogate. Even if I knew then, what I know now...it wouldn't matter. Those boys light up my world. They are my first born and will for the rest of my life, be the little loves of my life.<br />
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My sweet, sweet Britton & Casey</div>
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3.5 months</div>
<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-86710009713830852012015-10-26T10:21:00.005-04:002015-10-26T11:03:10.899-04:00My little girl - Finally an update on her<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I haven't posted a ton about my pregnancy. I guess life has been so focused on the boys at this point, that most everything revolves around them. I take care of myself and I'm enjoying the pregnancy as much as I can, but they are here smiling at me every single day, so it's hard not to talk about them, them and well, more of them. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b></b></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So...here's a bit of an update on HER. Her name is Liddy Rose. We didn't keep it secret as we did the boys. It's a name we always liked and decided on it as soon as we knew this was a little girl. We wanted something that was an updated version of my mother's name but not the same. Her name was Linda. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I've been monitored very, VERY closely this entire pregnancy. I am or have been at a high risk for placenta issues; placenta previa (don't have), placenta accreta (or percreta), preterm labor and incompetent cervix (don't have). So this entire pregnancy I've had cervical checks, monthly ultrasounds and multiple visits to the MFM. Not that I mind the extra monitoring, I don't, for even a second with all we went through to have this little miracle right here in front of us, and only a few months away from being able to hold her in our arms. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The issues that have come up are marginal cord insertion, which they aren't concerned about, especially since it can cause growth restrictions, but for her, it has not in the least. So it's just something they watch. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Echogenic bowel. So if you remember, the boys BOTH had this as well from 20 weeks on. This is supposed to be rare. It also <i>can</i><i> </i>be a soft marker for downs syndrome, cystic fibrosis or a virus such as Toxoplasmosis or CMV. We've gone through multiple screens for down syndrome and we're at very low risk. Trevor was genetically tested at CCRM and is not a carrier for CF, so again, an extremely low risk there. I was tested for the above mentioned viruses and I was negative. So just like Kelly and the boys we have this fluke that we just watch that it seems will be nothing, just like it was nothing with the boys. I certainly am less freaked out about it after going through this before and knowing it really can mean nothing at all. But so strange that all three of my children have this odd little fluke in utero. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I also failed my 1-hour glucose test. I was pretty nervous going into the 3-hour but I got word yesterday that I passed! To add that complication to the mix would have been pretty stressful. But because Liddy is measuring at about 75th percentile, I was thinking it really was a good possibility that I would fail. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I also have regular Braxton Hicks, sometimes every few minutes. However, I was monitored in L&D one night and they aren't effecting my cervix at all. I just need to try and take it easy when I can. Hard to do that with all I have going on, but, I'm doing my best. Luckily, sitting or lying down tends to make them stop. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Lastly, placenta accreta. They've been monitoring me for this since week 20. I've seen the MFM twice and their is an area of concern, but they aren't ready to call it accreta yet. However, at 34 weeks I'll be seeing him again and they'll be looking for a more concrete decision on that area and how to proceed. If it is an accreta or potential accreta, I'll be having a c-section and most likely a hysterectomy. IF they do the hysterectomy, I've requested that they remove my ovaries as well. My biggest concern obviously, for all of this is the recovery. Not only will I have a newborn, but I'll also have 5 month old twins. To think about how long I'll be down and not able to truly care for them hurts my heart. But, I also want Liddy to be delivered as safely as possible for her and me. I've asked that my ovaries be removed in that instance because of my family history. My mother's ovarian cancer was very aggressive and resistant to chemotherapy. I've also found links to endometriosis and that specific cell type of cancer. If they are in there removing parts, I'd rather go through a bit of menopause vs. risking the chance of my babies having to lose their mother and my husband losing his wife. My mother died only 14 years older than I am right now. This is something I was planning on doing in about 5 years regardless. I've put a lot of thought into this and while I know that it's a big decision, we've been beyond blessed in ways that can not be measured this year. I could not feel more complete with our little family. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So I'm going into this with no birth plan. I've waited too long and worked too hard to stress over how she comes into the world. The fact that she does in fact <i>come </i>into the world safely is my plan. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My due date is January 4th. We kinda hope she's born in December just so we can say all our babies were born in 2015. How crazy. But whenever she arrives, we will be over the moon. It's a happiness that I wish for anyone and everyone that wants so badly to hold their child in their arms. We are in a far different place than we were just one year ago. <b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>How far along: </b>The above picture was taken today - 30 weeks</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Total weight gain? </b>This is a point of stress for me. I've gained 37 pounds this pregnancy. Seems like an awful lot for a singleton. My doctor doesn't seem to concerned, but with 10 weeks left, I'm a bit nervous! </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Maternity clothes? </b>Yes. I can wear my pre-pregnancy leggings, but everything else is maternity. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Stretch marks? </b>Still none... just biding my time though. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Sleep: </b>Ha. This is a funny one. Between 3 month old twins, going pee every hour and being overall uncomfortable, I'm pretty sure sleep is just a thing of my past. And that's okay!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Best moment this week: </b>Passing my 3-hour glucose test after failing my 1-hour. Whew!! </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Miss anything? </b>Sushi and red wine. But giving it up has been absolutely worth it a million times over.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Movement: </b>Lots and lots of this! And it's really kicked into high gear these past few weeks. I love every little kick!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Food cravings: </b>Pasta, french fries, apples and ice cream. Probably why I'm up 37 pounds. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Anything make you queasy or sick? </b>Haven't felt queasy since the first trimester, thank goodness.</span></div>
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<b style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Gender: <span style="color: magenta;">A little miss.</span></b></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Labor Signs: </b>Braxton Hicks seem to be a regular thing for me. Mostly when I'm up walking around a lot or cleaning, etc. When I sit or lie down, they stop. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Symptoms: </b>Just back pain and pelvic bone pain. I'm seeing a chiropractor and massage therapist to help. I'm sure it's because not only am I carrying this baby inside me, but also carrying two on the outside, so this is no surprise. Also have a bit of heartburn and I'm stuffy a lot at night. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Belly button in or out? </b>It's WAY out. I always had a borderline outtie...so it's been out since about 20 weeks. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Looking forward to: </b>My 34 week ultrasound with the MFM to really have an indication of what kind of labor this will be. </span></div>
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Her sweet profile</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It appears our baby girl will hold her own against her brothers. Check out her biceps!</span></div>
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I think she looks like Casey.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Luckily, we got the majority of her nursery done before we left for Texas. Only had a few finishing touches when we got home. Funny. We use her nursery a lot right now when we are both changing or rocking the boys. It comes in pretty handy having two! (Liddy's room is Stella the cat's favorite place to be)</span></div>
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The 4 photos make up the Wizard of Oz Quote:</div>
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"Somewhere Over the Rainbow</div>
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Skies are Blue</div>
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And Dreams that you Dare to Dream</div>
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Really do Come True"</div>
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<span class="post-author vcard"></span>Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-90610985530574491862015-10-22T13:45:00.001-04:002015-10-22T13:52:44.105-04:00Casey + BrittonWhen the boys were born in July, my posts were short and quick. I feel like it's finally time to share the whole story of when they came into this world. My world.<br />
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Our plan had been to head down to Texas on July 25th. That would have been between 34-35 weeks pregnant. The average time that twins come is 35 weeks. I figured we were doing good. Especially since Kelly usually went past her due date.<br />
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I had one last business trip scheduled for the week of July 13th. I was heading to Portland for a conference. Was excited that I even had a girls night planned with two awesome gals that have supported me through my diminished ovarian reserve and surrogacy. But...a nagging feeling that what if something happened while I was on the other side of the country was there weeks before the trip. It nagged me enough that on that Monday morning, July 13th, when I left the house with my bag packed for Portland, our dining room was completely packed with everything that we would take to Texas. Every. Single. Thing was ready.<br />
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Around 10 am I sat in my office (my flight wasn't until later that afternoon) I received a message from Kelly. She was at her regularly scheduled OB appointment and her blood pressure was elevated and she had protein in her urine. The OB wanted her admitted to the hospital and thought we should come to Texas. He said best case scenario the babies would probably come within a week. Worst case, around 3 days. (Did I ever mention this was Kelly's birthday!?) So I went into my super planning mode and within an hour had my flight changed from Portland to Corpus Christi and Trevor was headed home to pack up the car to drive to Texas. (This would be where my proactive planning/packing was REALLY helpful)<br />
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I was at the hospital with Kelly by dinner time and stayed on a little cot next to her bed the next few days. My husband's brother was kind enough to fly into an airport on Trevor's journey south so he didn't drive alone. They arrived the following evening.<br />
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While Kelly's blood pressure actually stabilized over the next few days, her 24 hour urine collection was extremely high. Like in the 5000's. So we knew that this was definitely pre-eclampsia. We were faced with decisions like do we go home and monitor? Do we transfer to one of the larger hospitals that has a NICU? Do we stay at the hospital with our OB that we adore, that knows us and our situation? We ultimately made the decision that on Wednesday evening we would go home with the plan to go into the MFM's office first thing Thursday for him to make the call as to whether or not she be admitted to his hospital to be monitored for the remainder of the pregnancy, or not. However, as we're packing up to go home, her blood pressure spiked again. The OB decided it would be best to keep her hospitalized and have her transferred. Unfortunately, the other hospital would take her because they were out of beds. So we were kept at the small hospital overnight to be monitored and hopefully would be transferred on Thursday. Trevor had came to visit that day and early evening when knew Kelly and I would be staying another night, he left. An hour or so later, Kelly started to have visual changes. Bright spots, if you will. Our OB had told me that if that happened, he wanted me to text him right away. I did and he came back to our room. He said his concern was that the eclampsia was getting more severe as visual changes typically meant it was getting to her brain. The best option was to deliver the babies.<br />
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He explained that while they didn't have a NICU and we were literally hours away from being 33 weeks, and she couldn't be transferred, that he would call in the Children's Hospital and have NICU teams sent for each baby. They would be delivered, stabilized and then transferred. I trusted this doctor completely. There was a reason we chose him and it was the right decision.<br />
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Right about that time, Trevor text me a picture of the beer he just ordered, you know, after his very long drive and finally getting settled for the night...my response was "you need to come back". HA!<br />
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The doctor did another ultrasound to determine position of the babies. We had still hoped that just maybe she could have them vaginally, but both were transverse and it wasn't an option. They started her on magnesium and began to prep for a c-section. We were only waiting on Trevor and Kelly's husband.<br />
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The great thing about this doctor and this small hometown hospital, was that they truly cared about this unique situation and experience. The allowed Kelly's husband, myself and Trevor all to be in the operating room for the birth. No other hospital in Corpus Christi had said they would allow that. I didn't realize how anxious I was until Casey was born and let out that beautiful cry followed by Britton who did the same. They were tiny...but perfect.<br />
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They were born at 12:14 am and 12:16 am on Thursday, July 16th. We had made it to 33 weeks by only minutes. Even better, the boys share a birthday with the amazing doctor that delivered them.<br />
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The boys were both stabilized and I requested that they be wheeled into Kelly's room where she was recovering before they be transferred. I knew it would be a while before Kelly would be able to see them again. I hope it meant as much to her those moments as it did to me. She was absolutely amazing. So strong, brave and quite literally my hero. Her recovery was hard. She had complications and had to have multiple blood transfusions over the next few days. I'm in awe that I was lucky enough to have THIS woman care for my babies in the most beautiful way possible.<br />
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And care for them she did. Because while small at 3 lbs 12 oz and 3lbs 15 oz, they were mighty. Their entire stay at the NICU was one of growth and progress. Not one setback the entire 23 and 26 days of our stay there. Those boys are healthy and happy because of her.<br />
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It makes me sad that I don't know if Kelly can be a surrogate again. I know CCRM would disqualify her because of the severe eclampsia. I know that even if there was an RE somewhere that did allow her to be a carrier, she shouldn't carry twins again. I will always feel guilty for this. Whether or not she hoped to do another surrogate journey or not, I would hate that we took that decision away from her. Because truly, she's amazing. Her whole family is amazing. And I'm so blessed to have her and them in my life always.<br />
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Nervous but excited!!! </div>
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In the OR...and super anxious</div>
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Britton's first moment</div>
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Kelly meeting one of the twins as he's about to be transferred</div>
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My handsome little chunkers</div>
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<br />Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2737962049720052548.post-26960986481684119002015-10-12T16:25:00.001-04:002015-10-22T13:47:35.783-04:00Sometimes things go horribly wrongLast week in a few of my surrogacy Facebook groups I learned that a gestational carrier had a placenta abruption the day before her scheduled c-section and died. I don't know for certain the outcome with the twins she carried, but I know from a few posts, that things looked dire for them as well. This has been on my mind constantly since I heard the news.<br />
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As an infertility blogger, I've come across many women who like myself, have had to go to extremes to make our family. Donor eggs and surrogacy, while something that may not roll off the average person's tongue in day to day conversation, is a huge reality for me. And here I think about the two women that so selflessly put themselves at risk for our family and it hits me deep in my heart.<br />
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What if that had been us? What if something had happened to Kelly? How would I have lived with that? Death during childbirth isn't something you hear of often, but it does happen. And to think it happened to someone that wanted so badly to help another family that she paid the ultimate sacrifice.<br />
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I stare at my boys daily in wonder and awe. They are my light and they have my whole heart. It's never mattered to me that they don't share my DNA or that I didn't carry them. They are mine and I couldn't love another human more than I love those two little guys. So this tragic story makes me that much more grateful and thankful for what Kelly did for me. For us. She has a heart of gold. In more ways that you possibly imagine. My life is better because of her and her family...and not just in the sense of the boys that hold my heart in their tiny little hands. Because true honest and good people like that are hard to find, and the good in their souls reaches out and grabs you. Makes you want to always be <i>that </i>good.<br />
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I also read on some of the threads a few people talking about how you shouldn't be able to have a surrogate unless it's absolutely medically necessary. This also has sat with me. It was medically necessary for me. My doctors, not just at CCRM, but locally as well, all told me...you need a carrier. But here I am, 28 weeks pregnant. And I feel guilty. Guilty because I wouldn't change a thing. Because knowing what I know now, I would still choose these boys. They are part of my world and were <i>meant </i>to be mine. I hope that Kelly never, ever feels like my pregnancy diminishes her and what she has done for me.<br />
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My infertile mind still struggles daily that this pregnancy is real. That the little girl is really growing inside of me. I'm along way from holding her in my arms, so I'll remain a wee bit cautious if it's all the same. But her dad, brothers and I are so very, very hopeful.<br />
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So yes, to sum up this post...I'm thankful on so many levels that Kelly was able
to safely deliver our boys. While there were complications that I'll be
posting about later this week, I can say that her and our boys are all
healthy and happy. I wouldn't, couldn't have it any other way. Suzanne http://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.com12