Thursday, May 12, 2016

A time for decisions

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone to hear that our family is complete. We have two boys and a girl. We're a family of FIVE! I always teetered on the edge of wanting either two or three children. Then of course...along came infertility, and I just wanted to have one. Please, God...give me one.

My prayers were answered in the most unbelievable way. We're content with our family. Our lives are crazy hectic. We barely sleep. There is always someone that wakes up night after night. There is little down time. And that's okay. I wouldn't have it any other way. almost 39 years old. We don't see trying again in our future. My husband is a little more clear on that point. Don't get me wrong. I'm also clear. But I have the tug of how much I love these little nuggets that it's hard to be so final.

But it is. My husband had a vasectomy in late March. Something I would have laughed hysterically about just a short time ago. It wasn't a big deal. He went in on a Friday afternoon, was in the office less than 15 minutes getting it done (yes, I watched). And by Sunday was back to normal. I'd say even on Saturday he was up and around and lifting babies.

But still...that was the final end of our family. There are still three to consider. The three remaining embryos that are in storage at CCRM. Three high quality blasts. What do we do with them?

Do we save them? Just in case? Knowing the answer to that already. We don't even believe it's fair to our current children to have more. They deserve every bit of the attention they can get from us!

Do we donate them to science? Destroy them? I can barely type that word without cringing. I just can't imagine it.

Unfortunately, CCRM doesn't have the best options for what my preference would be. They do have an option to donate anonymously. Unlike our egg donor whose information is available to our boys when they turn 18...any children that come from these embryos would not have that benefit. CCRM would never give them any information about us at all. They would never know they have two full siblings. One half sibling through their egg donor. That makes me sad for those babies.

CCRM refuses to do known donations, which would be our preference. So there isn't an easy way to gift our embryos to someone to use. The only way this is allowed is for the embryos to be moved to another clinic.

But doesn't the chance of life still outweigh the unfortunate guidelines that CCRM imposes?

It's a long process. A year actually for it to be a done deal. So right now, we're just considering it. Trying to decide if we are ready to wish them well, hope they can help another family have truly amazing babies that Casey and Britton are to us, and let them go.