Thursday, January 17, 2019

Major Update

As I posted back in 2017, we made the decision to donate our remaining 3 embryos that were still frozen at our clinic in Colorado. We went through so much, and trust me, that's a pretty mild statement, and couldn't imagine destroying them or "donating them to research". We wanted them to have a chance at life. Problem is, we were and are done having children. Having three amazing kids all 3 years old, is amazing, hard, filled with joy and also challenges. We are at peace and completely in love with our family of five.

Our family is what it is because of some very special people. Our egg donor. Our amazing, surrogate, Kelly. Doctors and nurses, literally across the country. So how could we not pay some of that forward? It honestly, wasn't a difficult decision for us. In the fall of 2017, we officially donated our embryos to our clinic in hopes that someone else that was dreaming as hard as we did for their own miracle, could potentially have that opportunity, because of us.

This is completely anonymous. Apparently, we will never know anything about the family or children that come from these embryos. Even though they will be 100% biological siblings to our boys and biological children to my husband, we knew that in our heart, this was still absolutely what we wanted and needed to do.

Luckily, our clinic does allow us to find out if the embryos are adopted, and if they are successful. Last week, I got that answer.

While one remains on ice and is awaiting adoption. Two were transferred to a patient, and they both stuck. And even more split. This person or couple, now has triplets. Just like our miracles turned into three. So has theirs.

People have asked how we feel about this. We feel joy. Pure joy. And maybe a little bit of compassion for these parents that are about to have their world rocked by three at once! Because let me tell you, we know, it's going to be amazing chaos. And exhausting chaos. In the best possible way. We have our children. We are blessed by three of the sweetest, most hilarious little humans we could ever wish for. They are ours. And together, we are perfect, just the way we are.

I hope those triplets have a full and happy life. I'm guessing their parents will, that's for sure, albeit they are going to be really tired for the foreseeable future.

Oh, and we did snicker at the thought "what if we'd have transferred the one that split"? Geez. Never mind, on second thought lets not think of that.

Instead, lets focus on what's right here, right now, in my heart and in my arms. And all mine.

My new reality into perimenopause

I literally cannot believe it's been over a year since my last post. Life has been, well, a blur.  A busy, chaotic, blur. And it's been amazing. I'm forever grateful for my three miracles.

I do have an update that relates back to all my infertility though, and for the sake of keeping all my information up to date and accurate to help anyone else out there searching, I'm going to lay it all out here.

My little miracle pregnancy that happened while my gestational carrier was half way through her pregnancy with my egg donor babies, happened in April, 2015. I gave birth at the very end of 2015. Since then, I fed my daughter until her 3rd birthday. I had no periods until I stopped breastfeeding her. I thought that was because of breastfeeding. And I think mostly, it was.

At my annual this year, I had a few complaints. Bloating, feeling down, hot flashes, difficulty sleeping, etc. I receive an ultrasound yearly to do a little looksie at my uterus and ovaries due to my increased risk of ovarian cancer. What they found was my lining looked very thick. Odd, since that was the opposite of my infertility days. They scheduled a d&c to take a look and to remove any thick tissue that could become cancerous. What they found, was that it was the opposite of thick. It was actually scar tissue from top to bottom. So basically, my uterus looks as bad if not worse than it always had. My doctor told me if he had seen my uterus before my pregnancy, he too, would have suggested the use of a gestational carrier.

He also ran a few tests. We tested my FSH. Just to go back a few years it was always between 10 and 18 between 2013-2015. It's now 51. Which confirms that I am in perimenopause. I mean, I'm 41. So it's on the young side, but with my diminished ovarian reserve. This is what we expected, no?

What this did tell me. Was to be grateful. Truly, from deep in my soul, grateful for my miracles. All of them. But especially of Liddy. Because she did come to me from my crappy eggs. And my equally crappy uterus managed to carry her practically full-term (only 3 days shy). In he end, my body did what I dreamed it would. And I'm at peace that this old body of mine, at least from the reproductive point of view, is hanging up it's hat for good.

Because. Miracles. Happened.