Tuesday, October 30, 2012

"It was the perfect cycle...

you just didn't get pregnant"

Those are the words of my RE today during our consultation. My last IUI cycle was text book perfect. He still doesn't see how I could have ovulated early based on my LH levels on cd 10 being 5. (IUI was on cd 13) At least it would have been very odd and highly unlikely.

That being said he hopes that, well, for one, maybe this cycle on my own will work! Okay, so the realist in me is just moving on and planning for my November IUI. If I get a BFP between now and then...bonus. For now, lets plan "next time". It gives me something to focus on. So, he doesn't want to change any of the meds. So Letrozole/Femara cd 2-6, Gonal-F cd 6-10. Baseline U/S on cd 3 & 10. Ovedril trigger prior to the IUI(s). The one difference, is we'll most likely be doing back to back IUI's. He did say that it does increase my chances, he just doesn't do them as often because some folks have issues with the scheduling, but he was completely on board with doing it. Oddly enough, if things stay on track, I'll most likely be looking at my IUI around Thanksgiving.

What stumps me is he said that my ovaries are in great shape. My follies were great. T's sperm count was great. He's extremely optimistic. So that said, why has it been 10 months of TTC and nothing?!

So a couple things I'm still fuzzy on even though he's explained this over and over again:

1) I've never had a FSH test on cd 3. The nurses in the past have said I didn't need it and now the doctor told me based on my response last cycle, it would be a waste of money because he knows that's fine.

2) My lining at cd 10 last cycle was 6.5. That was the only time it was checked. My doctor has never been concerned about this because "it doesn't have to be as thick on Letrozole".  So he poo-poo's this anytime I mention it.

Any comments from you ladies that know about these things, by all means, let me know!

Lastly, if the November IUI doesn't work, I'll be doing the Laporoscopy/Hysterscopy procedure the next cycle. After that, we'd most likely at least one more IUI cycle before moving to IVF. Lets hope it doesn't get to that.

News of this cycle: I'm 4 dpo, some cramping today, I start my progesterone suppositories tonight. I plan on testing at 12 dpo (Nov. 7th) since that's Trev's birthday. Here's hoping!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Chicago. Wine. Food. Liquor. Oh...and O.

It appears that I ovulated on Friday, cd 13. Love that it was while we were in Chicago on our little mini-getaway. What is it that makes having sex away from home so hot?! I think it's just nice to get out of the regular routine...whatever it takes, I guess!

This has been a weird week though. I never actually got a positive OPK. Let me mention that I tested about 3-4 times a day since Tuesday! So very weird that I may have missed it. Not sure that means much, but there we have it. My monitor showed a dip on Wednesday which indicated I was fertile, and my temp rose Saturday, significantly. Then on Sunday, I had O pains. Weird transition, but that's really all I have to go on. Fertility Friend did confirm O for Friday as well.

Aside from that, we had a great time away! We met some good friends of ours that live in Denver here in Chicago they are such good people. She did ask me about having kids. Ironically, our last trip with them was a few days after my ectopic pregnancy from the IUD before we got married. I did tell her we've been having some struggles and she was so sweet and supportive. She was easy to talk to about it because while she has kids (3), they are done. Their youngest is 5. I didn't feel like next week I'm going to look at Facebook and see her pregnancy post!

I must admit I had more alcohol than I have in a while. A whopping 5 drinks all weekend.. I don't even feel guilty. This journey can only take so much of my life and I'm sure next week I'll abstain till AF comes again, but for now, I'm glad I relaxed a bit and enjoyed my weekend.

Happy Monday, I'm officially in my 2 week wait, again!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Gearing up for O...again.

Does it ever get boring hearing about my cycles, over and over again?! Maybe it's just me that's bored with my cycles that ultimately end with a BFN. I'm ready for a change.

I haven't updated in a while mostly because there wasn't much to report! I'm on cycle day nine. I finished my Femara on Saturday. I started OPK's today, not positive yet, but I expect it to be positive by Wednesday-ish. I've been using my Ovacue again, and it's kind of refreshing! My fertile window has been pinpointed between tomorrow and Friday, so we'll start bd'ing tonight or tomorrow, probably every other day until my +OPK, then every day. The nice thing about my monitor is that in the past, everything always lines up. The OPK's, the monitor and my BBT's typically will all confirm the same day as ovulation, which is nice when I'm not being monitored.

Next Tuesday, I meet with my RE to discuss our next IUI cycle. Would love, love, love to not need another round of injectibles. Who knows...October was the month we conceived last year. Maybe this year we can pull it off again, but hopefully with a sticky little one this go round.

Other than that, life is just moving along. We've both been crazy busy at work lately, but we've got a fun weekend planned in Chicago with some friends of ours. Should be a perfect weekend away to take our minds off of our TTC journey.

I know that one day, I'll look back on this journey and it will all be worth it. I just really hope that day comes soon...

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Eat my words?

Sorry. Not this time. Trust me, I was hoping that was going to be the case, but today is officially cycle day 1. Again.

I'm doing surprisingly well. I think the doubt and just gut feeling over the past week or so has made today when AF showed up, a little, well, easier. I'm just ready to look towards this next cycle and give it our all. We'll be in Chicago for the weekend during what should be my fertile window which is perfect. For some reason, being away from home, baby dancing tends to be a little more "ahem" exciting. Maybe it's just out of the ordinary and takes a little pressure off. Either way, the timing couldn't be more perfect.

I've officially gotten my thermometer out of hiding (since I never really stopped temping...only told the hubs that I did) and my Ovacue monitor is cued up and ready to go tomorrow. I haven't used it since July, but without being monitored, I decided I wanted every advantage possible this month. Would love, love, love to get a BFP on our own without having to go through the cost of the injectibles and IUI in November. Here's my positive thinking in full effect!!

We've had an awesome weekend (well, other than AF showing up) and I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. I enjoyed a chill, kicked back weekend with my favorite guy. Love these kind of days. Hopefully this week flies by so we can get back to the weekend!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

It appears the heart always knows

Here I am at 11dpiui, and I'm rocking a BFN. It's funny, I knew this over the weekend. Shit, I knew this the 24 hours prior to my IUI when I knew for certain that I was ovulating and we had been told not to baby dance those days leading up. It's a lesson for sure. I know how I'll handle my next IUI.

I'll continue to test through Friday, just in case this was a late implanter. However, sometimes when you know, you know. My lower back has been on fire for the past 5 days, I think that's more of a pre-AF symptom, rather than a pregnancy symptom. I also have officially moved past the "bloated" stage that I had most of this cycle due to the meds and have reverted back to flat belly. My breast tenderness is also wearing off. I usually am tender following ovulation, but it ends several days prior to AF.

I was pretty heart broken over the realization this past weekend. I know so many people that have supported me have continued to say that it's early, don't count yourself out till AF shows, but, there's a time when you just know and since AF won't show until I discontinue the prometrium, it's kinda on me. I know how my body works. I'm sure every pregnancy is different. I know that I'm technically 11dpiui, however, since I know I ovulated the day before (I even had a temp spike to prove it the morning of the IUI) that is technically makes me 12dpo. Many of you have said, the timing is perfect if the egg has already dropped. I totally agree. But and egg only lives for 12-24 hours. I ovulated around late morning on Friday. My IUI was late morning on Saturday. That's 24 hours. So that is in fact a bit of a stretch. I appreciate more than words the support and the push for me to stay positive, but it's also necessary for me to be real.

If I get a + HPT come Friday, by all means, blast me with I told you so's, I'll welcome them with open arms. I'm definitely doing better now. I think the past few days has helped me to accept, so that I can move on to the next cycle. Don't get me wrong. This fucking sucks and I really wish that this would have happened this month. The next month is just a slew of reminders for me...namely I found out I was pregnant last year on October 27th. So this was my last chance to get this done within a year.

Okay, so plan for next month. My RE likes to take a month off of the injectibles and IUI to give my ovaries a bit of a rest. I do still plan on doing the femara on cd 2-6 to help with ovulation and hopefully help to keep me from having another 42 day cycle! November will do the IUI again, armed with a bit more knowledge than I had this month. One, I'll either demand 2 IUI's. I asked about this last month and was just told "no". I'm paying 100% out of pocket, if I want it, I'll be making damn sure I get it. If we don't go that route, I'll be baby dancing the night of the trigger and the night of the IUI and the following day. The typical schedule that I seem to see from others. I am kicking myself that I didn't go with my gut and do that this cycle. Another thing that I want to see is where my lining and follicles are prior to the IUI. This cycle I did a cd 10 u/s and we knew I was close with the 20mm follie on the right and the 18mm follie on the left. I was told to trigger the following night and then the IUI 36 hours later. As I mentioned before, I got the +OPK several hours prior to the trigger. I also did not have another u/s this cycle. I think it would have been smart to have done with in between the trigger and the IUI or the morning of the IUI. I was told it would "disrupt" the environment and that's why they didn't do one that morning. Pretty safe to say, I learned a lot and I'm going in a little more determined to voice my opinion. I trust my doctor, but I also trust my body. I've been at this for 15 months. I KNOW when I ovulate. I've also been charting all these months and it's always been very reliable. I also know that after a +OPK, I ovulate the next day with a temp shift the following day. All of these "signs" have coincided month after month.

The good news. I ovulate every month. This is the plus side. I'm confident that this next cycle will be no different. We'll be traveling during my fertile window this month. Little side note, we tend to have lots of extra, non-feeling-like-sex-on-demand-sex when we travel. This makes me very happy and maybe, just maybe, we can do this with just the femara and I won't even have to do another IUI. A girl can hope right, sometimes it's what gets me through. Mr. T has told me I don't have to sneak and temp this month since I won't be monitored, he just doesn't want me to tell him when I'm ovulating. Done. Whatever he needs, I'm more than willing to oblige. The TTC journey certainly starts to effect him as well, and if that's what he needs, you got it, champ.

I'll post back this weekend...with an "I eat my words, I'm pregnant post", or an AF confirmation.

Happy Wednesday!

Friday, October 5, 2012

1 more week to wait it out

This has been an excruciatingly long week. Not sure how else to put it. Work has been a bit of a drag which makes the days super long. Tomorrow will be one week since my IUI and other than a bit of cramping and lower back pain, it's been business as usual. My progesterone levels yesterday at 6 dpiui, were 31, which is great. I know that the trigger is out of my system, so by mid-late next week, I'll probably start testing. If I have a BFP, I go in for my beta on October 16th. If not, I'll discontinue the progesterone supplements and move on to the next cycle.

I wish my heart was into this cycle, but it's not. I don't feel that this is it. I certainly hope it is, but my gut is telling me it's not. T got pretty upset about my "negativity" the other night, so I guess the only way to express my feelings is right here. Not sure if it's still the timing of the IUI that is bothering me, I feel in my heart that I ovulated much earlier than the expected 36 hours after the trigger, but something just isn't sitting quite right with me. That's okay, I know that this was just our first opportunity and if it doesn't work, we'll do it again in November.

On an incredibly happy note, and one that really should inspire me to think more positively, I've seen 2 of my cyber buddies that were also going through IUI's this month get BFP's in the past 2 days. I couldn't be more overjoyed for them!! I've been doing a little dancing jig all day just for them.

No worries, soon enough, it will be my turn. See how I turned that mopey-ness around by the end!? Go team.