Tuesday, February 26, 2013

We're in the 4th quarter, with no time outs...

That's what I was told today...

I've spent a lot of today wrapping up consent forms, making sure Dr. Chicago has all of my labs, records, monitoring facility information, etc. I also had my post-op appointment this morning where I was told that I am most certainly have a Cipro allergy. Which is a bummer, because that's really a great antibiotic for a lot of things and doesn't typically have as many allergies/intolerances, as say, Penicillin.

I have had this discouraged cloud over my head the past few days. Maybe it's just the doom before heading into this process, knowing the costs, the risks and the disappointment can be so much greater. Also knowing in my heart, that my odds, just aren't good.

My post-op appointment we went over what I mostly already knew from surgery. I have stage III endo. Most likely, the endo has been zapping up my eggs over the years and is the reason for my DOR. The surgery was essential. I'm so glad that I had it done because otherwise, IVF would have been a waste. My left ovary was basically just doing a big fat nothing all this time due to the large endo cyst that was constricting it.

The plan is still the same. I start my birth control pills on cycle day 5. I'm currently 5 dpo, though my post-O temps aren't quite as high as they typically are, so I hope that means I did in fact ovulate. Otherwise, who knows when cycle day 1 will arrive. After 3 weeks on the birth control pills, I'll then start my meds around 5 days after the last pill. I'll be doing 450iu of Gonal-f and Menopur for 8-12 days. I'll be monitored here in Indianapolis and then egg retrieval and transfer will be done in Chicago after the trigger. Of course, the cycle will be converted to an IUI if I do not respond well enough to move forward with the egg retrieval.

I also set up acupuncture appointments for the next 2 months to coincide with the IVF. It's an extra expense, but I think it can only help and not hurt, so I have to give this cycle every chance I can.

This is just hard. I feel like everything I've wanted for almost 2 years is coming to a head in these next few months. I know that I'll be devastated if this doesn't work, and at the same time...feel that it probably won't. The majority of threads that I've seen most folks with DOR ultimately get pregnant naturally by surprise vs. ART. I really am having a hard time finding people with <.16 AMH that had successful IVF. So is all of this for naught? I'm I just throwing this money away?

It's probably normal to have all of these emotions right now, but doesn't make them less a reality regardless. Hubbers thinks I should just be positive.

Ha. If only it were that easy.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Bloody Hell...what a week!

I don't even know where to start with this post.

Lets start where my last post ended. You know, the one where I thought yet for the second time this cycle that I had ovulated. Whelp. I didn't. Since on Tuesday my temp then spiked to 101.25. I was having severe pain in my feet (weird, right) and achy. I actually went to the ER because I never get fevers that high and was concerned that I had an infection from the surgery. So a couple hours in the ER had them convinced I had a virus, myalgia and a UTI (one that I had no symptoms for). I kept asking them to look at the rash on my feet and they pretty much ignored me.

By Tuesday night my hands and feet looked like Mickey Mouse's big white hands and floppy feet. The PAIN was awful. They felt like they were going to explode. By Wednesday morning I had to have hubs take me to my primary doctor because I wanted someone to just look at my feet and tell me what was going on!

Allergic reaction is what was going on. To the Cipro that I started last Friday for my red incision spot from the laporoscopy. So I spent the last 2 days with pudgy fingers and toes on prednisone and benadryl. FUN!

To top it off, I wondered on Wednesday if Monday's spike was a true spike or if it was the start of my high fever...confirmed with a smiley. So in all my puffy glory, I had to somehow romance my husband into wanting to have sex with me after I told him we were done!! His response was priceless, but what about your hands and feet?!!?!? I was like, "Babe, we don't need them for what we need to do!!"

So again, we did the same baby dancing schedule as last weekend and gave it our best shot, though I'm not sure how in the hell that this cycle could bring anything resulting in a BFP. I would literally fall in the floor from disbelief if that happened. Ovulation officially happened yesterday on CD 21. Pretty late in the game I'm thinking.

I finally made it back into work today after my little couch vacation. Still puffy, but not nearly as bad. I can see my wrinkles in my hands again, so that has to mean it's going down, though sadly I can't wear my wedding rings and I'm stuck wearing Uggs until my shoes fit again.

Seriously, who could make this shit up!??!

So. Game on. 2 week wait, take 3.

Update: Might I add that my temp dropped...again today, so this cycle seems to be a complete bust

Monday, February 18, 2013

Going Rouge for One Last Shot

My last post mentioned that my OPK's were getting dangerously close to positive, however, they never quite got there. I did have a big temp spike the day after, which made me think I just missed the surge. So I went on my merry way thinking that this month was just a rest and recovery month and next month we'll dive into the IVF protocol.

Weeeeelllll...I found out on Friday that one of my incision sites may have a slight bit of infection. It was getting a little red. I called the doctor and got on an antibiotic asap. I also had noticed that fertility friend had not confirmed my ovulation because my temp started dropping. I started wondering if the temp increase was because of the infection. Well, again on Saturday and Sunday I got what looked like positive OPK's on my internet cheapies. The only thing was, I never got a smiley on the digital. My temps really dipped and I was having some ovary pain, so we went for it.

Yep. 3 days shy of my 2 week "no sex" window, we did it. Don't be mad. I'm going to say those extra few days were just padding anyway. So we did again yesterday and again this morning after I woke up to this...

Please notice the crazy wonk-a-donk temps this month, but everything seems to be adding up to O yesterday vs. last week. We'll see if I continue to get high temps for the next few days.

I've been feeling great since the surgery, so I wasn't really concerned. I certainly wouldn't have gone for it last week only a week after surgery, which is why we didn't, but I couldn't help this close to my free and clear to give it one last shot at a free baby before we dive into IVF. Not to mention, T is typically a "well did your doctor approve that" or "does your doctor know your taking this" kind of guy. He was all for our rogue actions this weekend!

With the work traveling done for a while and no big plans here at home for a few weeks, it's been low-key.

I've spent a lot of time reading my IVF packet and familiarizing myself with the process and what's to come. I also spoke with someone from AttainIVF. Obviously we don't qualify for a refund program, but we do qualify for a multi-cycle program. We're crunching numbers and scenarios to see what makes sense and trying to make the best decision. Of course the more IVF's we do the better our chance. The good news is we can opt out if we discover that I'm a horrible responder. So we are considering going with the program. Hopefully we'll decide that for sure this week. If anyone has any opinion or experience with these programs, please, chime in.

I hope everyone is doing well and I'm super excited for all my IVF buddies. I can't believe I am lucky enough to be going through this at the same time as so many of my TTC friends!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Nothing to do but wait

I'm officially one week post surgery. I feel great. When I had a laporoscopy 5 years ago, I struggled a bit more afterwards. A huge reason I believe is that I rushed back to work the day after surgery. That was the year my mother was sick and I just didn't have as much time away from work available to me. I learned my lesson though and planned to take off the remainder of last week to recoup.

It obviously worked, because this recovery seemed like a breeze. I was sore for a few days, but I only took a total of 3 pain pills from the time I left the surgery center. I took 2 the first night home before bed, and 1 the next night. I was super duper proud of myself. By Friday I was just plain bored. The husband was still in NYC and I was ready to get OUT! So I made cookies.

Luckily even with the storms in the New England, Trevor still made it home Saturday evening. He offered to make me dinner and I gave him the big "hell no". So I finally put on a pair of jeans and some makeup, washed my nasty bed head and went out for a nice dinner date with the hubs. Since I was 4 days past any pain meds, I even had a glass of fabulous red wine. Husband. Wine. Food.

One very happy wife.

My post-surgery appointment isn't until the last week of February. Unfortunately that doctor works at another office in southern Indiana. My hope is to get my medical records this week so I can forward those to Chicago to see what happens now. Would LOVE to have been able to try on our own this month before we dive into the IVF world, but I'm thinking we're a no-go on that. I was told 2 weeks no "activities", so I have a week to go. Unfortunately, the OPK's are getting dangerously close to positive, so I'm thinking I will ovulate by the end of the week. Poopskie.

The husband and I are trying to decide if we can swing a vacation for our anniversary this year. While spending money on something like that seems silly with the expenses we are about to incur, at the same time, lets be honest, since finding out about my DOR in December, life's been a wee bit on the stressful side. I also know if the IVF doesn't work, we're going to be devastated, regardless of knowing the odds aren't good. It's hard knowing that all that money is "poof" gone, on to the next round. At the same time, we know that keeping ourselves in a good mentality is key. So maybe a little beach time isn't such a bad idea and we just juggle a few things, maybe make a few concessions here and there to cut costs so that we can make that trip happen in June.

Good god, I love that man.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Post surgery update

Well, this has taken me a little longer to post that I thought it would. I've been in a foggy haze for the past 2 days. My surgery was Tuesday at 4pm, so it was pretty late in the day.

I definitely got a lot of information out of this surgery and I'm so glad I decided to go forward with it rather than just having the saline sonogram. The hysteroscopy part of the surgery went very well. My uterus showed no sign of scarring from my D&C's. It was pretty tilted, but I think that's just information they like to have going into IVF.

Now, as far as the laporoscopy, it went well, we'll start with that, but there was a lot of work to be done. I had stage III endometriosis. It was on my uterus, my bladder and there was so much on my left ovary that it was twisted and not flowing "freely" as it should. There was also an endometriosis cyst (a rather large one) on my left ovary. The doctor was able to remove the ovary, and the endometriosis and my left ovary is back in place where it should be.

Soooooo...I've been a little sore the past few days! I've been benched for the next few weeks, so doesn't seem like this month we'll be able to try and next month the plan is to begin the birth control pills for an April retrieval/transfer. I hope that everything that was done will give us a better chance. I know that my odds for this IVF aren't great due to my DOR and I'm accepting that and not getting my hopes up (too much), though it sure would be nice...I really want a baby.

My hubs has been out of town this week for work. He comes back Saturday as long as the snow that is about to hit NY doesn't throw a wrench into that. The good news is that this is his last work trip planned for a while. We'll be able to get back to normal very soon. I've been very lucky to have friends and family that have stepped in this week to help out with taking me to and from surgery and making sure I wasn't alone.

Thanks JB.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

After a very long week...I'm pooped.

I feel like I totally asked a very important question of all of you and then went MIA. I kind of did, sorry! The reason being, last week, was my by far busiest week of the year. The last week of January, I typically have to have our prior year's financials tied up in a big fat bow, which usually equates to a few  long days and late nights. So I'll apologize now for my lack of response or update or participation in some of my threads. It was a crazy week!!!

First of all, so sorry for anyone that's been singing Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know" every time they visit my blog and read my last post title. Didn't even cross my mind, thill that was pointed out to me. I've been doing it since then as well. Crap.

Now that is out of the way, lets get down to business. I'm on cycle day 3, so my hope for a miracle BFP on a natural cycle kinda went up in flames. Who am I kidding? I knew it would, but hey, gotta still give it that honest effort. However, I was in a bit of a funk this weekend. I've been doing so good as far as keeping the faith and a good attitude. Leave it to AF to really bring you down. God love my husband for dealing with my ups and downs. A little image I found that really struck at my heart. 

That means...I'm still on for surgery on Tuesday. After my question last week I took all of your advice. I looked up the reports online for each doctor. I also emailed Dr. Chicago a few questions and 1) I emailed him at 7 pm at night and he responded right away. I emailed him again that next morning and again, he responded right away. The nurse even called me later that morning. So obviously, the response time is great. I love that I have an "assigned" nurse to me. They maybe a large clinic, but I certainly feel like they are on it regardless of how many patients they may have. 2) He was completely on board with me having the surgery here. Honestly, it makes more sense. A routine surgery like this, is obviously better to have close to home vs. 3 hours away. 

That said, Dr. Indy was so nice. He was so positive and reassuring. That was what made me like him so much. However, his stats don't show much as far as DOR patients. Chicago does. They do ALOT more in volume as well. My gut says Chicago, but I can do my monitoring here in Indy, so I guess I'll kind of have 2 doctors. That's not necessarily a bad thing. 

So, surgery is Tuesday at 3:30 pm. Sheesh. I can't eat/drink after midnight. Hello torture?!?! What does suck, is that my hubby will be traveling this week. So I'm on my own for surgery. Not really, the BFF, is going to take me to surgery and my SIL will be staying with me the night of. However, I know that I can be puny when sick or in pain, so I'm really gonna miss him. I didn't want to put things off another month, so I'm just going to suck it up. I do have this sweet guy to help get me through this week...

So unlike the first time I had a lap 5 years ago, I do NOT plan to return to work the day after. I plan on staying home for the rest of the week, resting up and healing. Luckily, I can work from home and see no point in rushing back to work. I plan on cuddling with the fat furbabies, snacking on some dill pickle tater chips and noshing on the carrot cupcakes with orange cream cheese icing I made today! I may throw in a bubble bath towards the end of the week if I'm allowed. Have I mentioned this guy will even follow me into a bath tub?! Crazy cat. 

I'll update a lot more Tuesday or Wednesday once the anesthesia has worn off with the deets on the surgery. I also plan on having a come to jesus chat with my reproductive organs. Maybe that's what they need to really put this into high gear. 

For now, I'm going to go back to this Super Bowl game that has officially become a GAME since I started writing this. Did I mention I'm drinking champagne from a can. With a straw.