Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Love

My heart is as full as it's ever been. I'm not even sure words can truly describe how I feel right now. While there is no doubt the outcome I'm hoping for, the love I have in my heart right now...is untouchable, whatever this next week brings.

First of all, for my husband, T. Because for four years (well, longer than that) he has stood by me, held my hand, wiped my tears and made me laugh. But most importantly, he has supported every decision and whole-heartedly embraced every direction that we've taken that has ultimately lead us here. I love you, T, infinitely, to the moon and back and then back again. You're my everything.

To Kelly for taking a chance on me. For communicating with a perfect stranger all those months ago. For the leap of faith and trust that she has given me in deciding to be a part of our world in one of the most special, kind and loving ways possible. These past few days have only solidified and confirmed how right this really is. She is not a stranger anymore. She's my friend. Undoubtably. And she's the woman that I'm so very hopeful will carry our child(ren). It was so very hard to leave her tonight. I hope she knows how much I care for her and our precious little embryos. I hope they decide to stick around.

I was asked if I felt a little sad yesterday being on the sidelines. The truth was, I wasn't on the sidelines. I was right there. Every moment. Not one time, did I wish it was me lying on that bed, receiving those embryos. It never crossed my mind. This was how it was supposed to be, and there was no room for sadness yesterday. The tears I cried were joyful and full of hope.

I also have so much love for this community. I would never wish infertility on anyone. However, would I be who I am today without it? Without YOU. The friends that I have made on this blog have given me a sense of peace. I would never change where my path has lead me, because I wouldn't have some of the most amazing friends and supporters that I could ever ask for. The amount of love that I received via comments, emails and texts moved me in a way I will never forget. I don't know why my journey to have a family has been so challenging. What I do know, is that I've been blessed that it has brought all of you into my life.

And to one of the biggest cheerleaders of all...Amanda I want you to know and ALL of you to know that the beautiful post she wrote yesterday had such an amazing impact on our transfer. Kelly was the first to read your post. She read it while lying in bed waiting for us to join her. With tears streaming down her face. Her first words to me when I walked in the room were "you have to read this". I did...and I cried. Then my husband read it, and he cried. To feel that kind of love and to share it in that moment prior to our precious embryos being placed into her uterus, well...how could I ever forget that? What would I ever do without you? I hope you know that I hope and pray for your baby every single day. I hope soon that baby is in your arms. Because trust me...you ARE one of the most deserving women and I am so proud to know you. I love you dear friend.

Jill, Jessah and my awesome sister-in-law, Autumn, you know what you mean to me and what you do for me. I wouldn't be here without you.

Something my mom used to say when her heart was happy was (and I have no doubt she's looking down with happy tears in her eyes right now):

"My heart sours like a hawk"

Guess what, Mom...mine too.







Tuesday, December 16, 2014

It's Transfer Day!

I have 10 minutes to write a blog post. So I'll get right to it and post again later today. The past 24 hours have been amazing.

K, T and I all made it to Denver with no delays and have been having a great time together.

Kelly and I had lunch and got matching (green for luck) mani's and pedi's yesterday. We went to dinner with T, his brother and our sister-in-law which was awesome. I was so happy to be able to introduce her to part of our family!!

We've got lots of goodies (thank you, Jill) and are going to get lots of movies to lounge around the next couple days. CCRM called to confirm thawing TWO of our embryos. It's all so freaking real right now and I couldn't be more excited!!

Thank you...for all the love and support that I'm getting from so many of you.

So much love coming my way and it means the world.

Here's a few pics of the past 24 hours.




More later when Kelly is officially PUPO!! 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Dare I hope??

The past six months have been a whirl wind. Our transfer failing...beginning conversations with K. Meeting her. Then once we went to CCRM things REALLY flew by. That was only 2 months ago.

And here we are...just over 4 days away from our transfer. And not a transfer that I know the odds aren't good. Knowing that the chances of it not working are way better than the chances that it will. The odds are for once in four years...on OUR side. I'm still trying to process that.

K's final lining check was yesterday. It was 9.3mm and triple striped. I guess first I should fill you in on what happened after my post last week. Dr. G was concerned that her lining would get too thick. Who'd have ever thought that would be a problem I would face?! So they kept her on 1 patch, rather than the typical steady increase of patches. So she was on very low doses of estrogen along with her Lupron. Of course, then  I was worried that what if it didn't get thick enough now?? I mean there is always something to worry about, right??

Well, like I said, her lining was 9.3mm, her labs were good...and get this...she had 39 follicles!! Like, WHA???? So while "suppressing" her, she's still making the quantity of eggs that some of us only dream of. They were around 9mm in size. So at least we weren't at risk of them ovulating. Whew!! I emailed CCRM slightly concerned that this could potentially impact the transfer, but nope...there response was:

"Some people are just blessed with lots of eggs. :)"

Yes, indeed.

She has a progesterone check tomorrow, but all things are go for Tuesday!! I fly out to Denver on Sunday, I plan on spending the evening with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Then I'm picking Kelly up Monday from the airport and we'll spend the day getting pampered. Having lunch, pedicures and then dinner with Trevor when he arrives Monday evening.

Her transfer will be around noon-ish and K and I will be spending the next day and a half watching chick flicks and ordering take out. I'm pretty darn stoked.

Excited for this opportunity. Happy that we actually have a really good shot. And thrilled that K is in this with me. I couldn't ask for anything else...

Okay...maybe just one thing. :)



Thanks for all the sweet thoughts about my hip surgery. I'm doing great!! Bumbling around quite well actually!! 

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Finally...A Good Uterus!!!

First of all, thank you for being so kind to Jill. She means the world to me and I'm so happy you were able to get to know a little about her.

I have a quick update for our FET cycle. I'm so behind on all things blogging...at literally, the worst time!! A few weeks ago, we moved out of our condo that we've had for almost ten years into our home. We love it. I've been so busy getting things unpacked and in order, that I literally haven't sat down to breathe in what feels like months.

Partly because I'm having surgery...TODAY! Like in a few hours. I have hip impingement that causes pain when I walk (or pretty much do anything). I certainly want it fixed before we have a baby(ies)! Guess I can chalk it up to all the dance and sports I was involved with growing up. So this means for the next month, I'll be a bit gimpy. Hopefully the downtown will allow me to catch up on all my blog reading (and posting). I look forward to seeing what's been going on with everyone!!

Lastly...Kelly had her first lining check yesterday...and...

It's 8.3mm!!! On cd 8!!! Who knew linings could be so nice and cushy!!? I sure didn't! It's already triple striped and she goes in for her next check on December 10th.

People we are getting so close. Officially 12 days away from transfer!!

Life is good!!