Tuesday, March 3, 2015

OB Appointment - Part 1

A few weeks ago I traveled to Texas to be a part of K's first OB appointment. I was thrilled (putting it mildly) to finally see and hear my babies. To see them bouncing around on the ultrasound screen in front of my very eyes.

Well, lets start by saying my visit with K and her family was amazing. To spend time with her and her kids, I don't even have words for how special it was to me. I am forever grateful for what she's doing for me, but also so blessed to have her as a friend. And wow, is she a busy mama!!

Together we went to her appointment (she was 12 weeks) and anxiously waited to meet the doctor.

From here, it just went horribly bad. Not with the babies--they're great, but with this doctors office.

First, they did a vaginal ultrasound (super quick) and did no measurements on the babies or their heart rates. When I asked about the heart rates she just said, "oh, they're in the 150's". Odd, since I know ultrasounds enough to know she didn't measure it. Thanks lady for just lying to me.

She then proceeded to talk to K and I about the birth. She said we could go ahead and schedule her c-section at 37 weeks. We told her that since K had four vaginal deliveries, she really wanted to attempt a vaginal delivery. She understands that emergencies happen. But why at 12 weeks is there a need to schedule a c-section? The doctor looked at me and told me that if K wanted to proceed with a vaginal delivery I should contact my legal team.

Excuse me!?! Did this doctor just imply that I should legally force this woman to have major abdominal surgery when, at this point, there is no reason? Cause that's what it sounded like, to both of us. She then went on to tell us that only one person would be allowed in the OR. When asked about doing previous surrogacy's, she just said no and she wasn't overly kind or warm to either of us.  She never even mentioned K seeing a MFM doctor at any point in the pregnancy. We're talking red flags left and right here.

Two things K and I are both ready to fight for:

1) T and I absolutely support her wish for a vaginal delivery if possible.

2) K and her husband absolutely want T and I both to be in the OR/delivery room.

K wanted me to be able to see and hear the babies while I was there (for more than 30 seconds) so we scheduled an appointment at a 3d ultrasound place. It was amazing. For 30 minutes I watched them bounce, wave and move around. Their heart rates were both 175! We were even fortunate enough to speak with a midwife/doula while we were there that gave us so much information. On twin births and of doctors that we should consider. One thing she was clear about, the one we had just seen, was NOT for us.

So...we need another doctor...STAT.

The good news...this is the beautiful part of the country that my babies are going to come into the world.

Monday, March 2, 2015

We Just Clicked

Last week while traveling for work to California, I had the privilege of meeting Dreaming of Diapers. If you know my struggles and have never read her blog, you're going to find a lot of similarities. Dimished Ovarian Reserve, thin lining, etc.

We spent hours talking, laughing and crying over shared experiences, loss and yes, even the joy of finally knowing my babies are on their way. We connected on so many levels. Many of you that are familiar with her blog, knows she's a fighter. She's got spirit and tenacity and because of that, make no mistake, she'll be a mom. She's got guts and courage galore. Lets be honest, fighting a thin lining, as I know, takes all of that. 

She gave me hope for women everywhere fighting thin uterine lining, fluid in the uterine cavity and beating the odds by working around it and never giving up. She knows the right questions to ask and how to search out the right doctors and latest technologies. 

What I loved most about her was her heart. It's not often that someone can read a few words that you write and really know you. But that's exactly what she did. Back in December after our transfer I posted about Love. In that post, I quoted one of my mother's favorite quotes. She used to say it all the time to express how happy she was. It comes from the movie "Little Big Man". 

"My Heart Soars Like a Hawk" 

I still hear my mom's voice when I see those words. She gave me a special gift last week. One that filled me with emotion because she really knew me and understood me. 

I've wrote it a million times I feel like...infertility sucks. It really, really does. But look at what it's brought into my life. I wouldn't trade these friendships for the world. 

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Show her love...

If we have an infertility blog, or follow them consistently...then we know what loss feels like in some fashion or another. I've posted years worth of struggles, loss and challenges. Through it all, I've had so much love and kindness sent my way.

I know I'm behind on updating about my trip to Texas. That's coming. I promise. Just know for now, that all is wonderful. So much has happened these past few weeks, and I will be sharing all of it very soon.

But right now, what's most important, is standing by our friends in this community. One of my most special friends not only in the blog world, but in MY world, is Amanda. I can't remember a time that she hasn't cheered me on, virtually wiped my tears and shown unwavering amounts of love.

She is always there for so many of us, at every turn, heartache and joy. No matter how difficult it is for her, she radiates happiness for US. She's a special kind of rarity and I'm so so blessed to have found her and get to know her. I'd walk this walk 1000 times over if it meant getting to know her all over again.

If you don't know, she's been waiting to bring her baby home through adoption since last fall. While several have come close, it hasn't been quite close enough. This last week Amanda and her husband, Sam were one of TWO to potentially get chose by a birth mom. So much hope rests on these situations. And it's the same as any loss that we've felt along the way when it doesn't turn out how we'd hoped. They were not chosen.

She's one of the strongest and bravest women I've ever "met". I want her baby to come home to her and I pray for that every single night. She will be the most amazing mother and deserves to hold her baby in her arms. I wish I was as eloquent a write as she...but I will always fall short of beautiful way with words. So please, pop over to her blog and give her even a tiny piece of the love and support she has shown me and so many of us.

Hang in there my dear friend. I know in my heart your baby is waiting for you just as you wait for him or her.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

I get to SEE them.

Well I had written a post last night, then went to edit it on my phone, and accidentally deleted it. So...I'm starting from scratch.

What's most important is...I'm currently 10,000 feet in the air, headed to Texas. I'm leaving the 0 degree temperatures in Indianapolis, and going to enjoy a bit of the "cold front" that South Texas is dealing with. A balmy 55 degree high today. I may have packed my flip flops for this very occasion. But that's still not the gist of this post. I'm heading to South Texas to see Kelly and my babies. For the first time IN person.

Last Friday, Kelly went to get a 4d ultrasound. It was amazing. The amount of pictures and video that I was able to see was simply overwhelming. We officially have little legs. What a beautiful sight to see. There little heartbeats are so strong. What more could I ask for at this point?

As of 11w1d

On Saturday I received a call from CCRM. Kelly has officially graduated from their care. Her body has completely taken over and she is completely done with her pills, suppositories and injections. Much to her relief, no doubt about it.

Tomorrow morning we are going together to her first OB appointment. I'm excited to see the babies on that ultrasound screen in person. Not through video or pictures, but right there in front of me. I'm excited to meet the doctor, to ask questions, for them to see that I'm a real person, and going to be a mother.

I'm thrilled to see Kelly. To give her the biggest hug ever. It's the first time I'll have seen her since we left Denver after her transfer. I get to see her tiny little bump. Cause believe me, it's tiny. Even at almost 12 weeks with twins, she's itty bitty.

I still have little moments that I remember that I'm not getting to experience this pregnancy myself, and I won't pretend that it doesn't hurt sometimes. The little things like, what would my cravings be like? The looks when I say that we're having twins, and people automatically look for a bump. And I follow up with, "Well, we're using a surrogate". But not much and not for long. Because the joy I feel in my heart is way to big to allow that kind of sadness and hurt to stick around for long. I'm grateful for that.

I know that this is my time for happy. And I am. I really, really am.