Tuesday, November 29, 2016


I think back over the years of Thanksgivings where I put on a smile, but my heartache never allowed me to fully be "thankful". Of course, I was thankful for Trevor, my family, my friends...but so much was missing. My mom...this was her favorite holiday and she died just one week prior. I also had our first miscarriage on the anniversary of her death. The memory of what we went through that Thanksgiving with two separate D&C's in the same week, is still very vivid.

Last year, our Thanksgiving was amazing. It was just the four of us, with Liddy's arrival just weeks away. And yes, I was thankful beyond measure and so hopeful for our family of five. This year, my heart literally burst with pride and joy. I will always miss my mom on Thanksgiving. But I also try and remember her by carrying on little traditions that were so dear to her heart.

I continue to be grateful for all who made it possible for the blessings we've received. Our egg donor Goose. And especially, my sweet, sweet forever friend and extension of our family, Kelly, her husband and children for carrying our boys. I still hope that one day soon we can do for someone else what they have done for us.

Our Thanksgiving was not without chaos. What day isn't in our household? We had one sick little one. Luckily, it was a 24 hour bug and Casey was back to his old self by Friday.

We're less than 2 weeks away from Liddy's 1st birthday and I have so many emotions right now. Knowing all my babies will be a year and won't be babies anymore. It definitely is tugging at my heart. I'm exited for their next stages, but sad to say goodbye to what's been an amazing year of firsts for us.

A quick update, Liddy AND Britton are walking. Luckily Britton walked a few weeks before her, so he won't have to live with his baby sister walking first for the rest of his life! It was awfully close though. Casey is running. They are all so happy and have such unique personalities.

So yes, I'm thankful. And blessed. And love every crazy, chaotic, insane, and beautiful moment.




Thursday, October 20, 2016

Little Liddy

My little girl is 10 months old. Well, technically a little over that now. But I'm not exactly on the ball these days. Is there any wonder? Cause if there is, there shouldn't be.

Liddy lights up my world. It breaks my heart just a little to know my baby is just a few short months away from being one. And then...my babies won't be babies anymore.

Things to know about Liddy:

She loves her brothers. Most of the time. Except when:

1) They take her toys
2) They knock her down
3) They hog "mama time" (this is a biggie)

She's happy most of the time. Except when:

1) Mama isn't holding her
2) She can't see Mama
3) Mama's boob isn't out

She sleeps. Well, rarely.

She naps at most an hour, two times a day if we're lucky. She nurses till 8:30(ish) and goes down in her crib. Sometime between 10pm and 1pm, she wakes up and nurses again. Goes back to her crib. Wakes up again around 4:45am. Nurses again. Between 5:15 and 5:45, she's wide awake.

So. Mama is exhausted. Daddy is exhausted. We're going on over 15 months of not sleeping through the night. And it's catching up to us. We're cranky, irritable and just generally not much fun right now. And while many have suggestion for us to let her cry it out. Her tendency to make herself vomit within 5-10 minutes of that and the fact that I know, she's crying for ME, and I refuse to diminish in even the slightest way, that beautiful demeanor she has, we've decided that's not for us. So, we continue on. In hopes that in the coming months, she'll begin to wean herself from a feeding or two.

Eating. She kinda eats. More likes sucks on her food and then spits it out. She likes pouches that she can hold and suck on. She's still obsessed with oatmeal baby cereal. Probably because it's laced with breastmilk, but if I want to get food in her belly, I know that's the sure-fire way to do it. Oh, and those little freeze dried yogurt snacks. Her eyes literally light up when I hold up the bag.

She weighs 18 1/2 pounds. (ish) She wears size 3 diapers and size 6-12 month clothes or 9 months, depending on the brand I guess. The 12 month clothes still swallow her. She also wears a size 2 shoe. So apparently she got my little feet.

She loves to push things. Anything. Toys, laundry baskets, diaper pails. You name it. She'll push it. She gets that from Casey. She loves her mama. Her whole world lights up when I walk in the room. And yes, my heart melts into a giant puddle. She likes to play quietly and independently. I love it when she does this. She can be very meticulous with whatever she's playing with. It's so sweet. She likes to drum on her brothers heads. She's standing for 10-20 seconds. Has been doing this for several weeks now, so I know it's only a matter of time before she walks. Heaven help us.

Breastfeeding is still going well. I still pump 2-3 times at work 3 days a week and nurse her the other 4 days and at night. For someone that never thought I'd enjoy breastfeeding, I never want to stop. I can't even think about stopping. So I won't. Moving on.

We recently did one year photos for all three. I thought it made most sense to split the difference between their birthdays. Not to mention October is the perfect time of year. I'll post them in the next few weeks when we get them back. I will say, getting images of 3 babies, happy AND still, is well, challenging. Hopefully there are a few that are good!

I'm busy planning her 1st birthday and I can't wait. It's going to be perfect! Will definitely be sharing all the details on her as the time comes.

The boys just turned 15 months, so I'll have another update in the next week! Stay tuned!!

Here are some recent Liddy 10 month photos!!


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

time flies

It's hard to believe that a little over a year ago, I was childless after so many years, so many treatments, so many bumps (well more like giant boulders) in the road. Today, I sit in a very different place. One that I never imagined. Ever. Even when I hoped that something, anything would work. Never did I believe or even think that I'd be in this moment, with three amazing children that are ours.

It's something I've been reflecting on a lot recently. Maybe it's missing my mom, her 60th birthday was just last week. Maybe it's seeing that my babies, aren't exactly babies anymore. Maybe it's just finally having a moment to look back and see what all transpired this past year.

Honestly, there are so many days that I almost forget that we shed blood, sweat and tears for these little miracles. There here, and we're living this chaotic and awesome life together as a family. But I'm reminded by little things here and there. And I'm glad that those reminders are here. It reminds me to cherish every moment. To be grateful for every day I'm given. To love these three by be present in their lives as much as I possibly can.

Speaking of kiddos. They are AMAZING!

Britton and Casey are 14 months old, Casey has been walking for over a month and Britton, well, isn't. But hey, he's my sweet old soul that likes to do things at his own pace. March to your own beat, B. I love you for it. Their wellness exam is end of October, but all I know...is Casey weighs way more than Britton! He was 25 pounds 6 ounces a few weeks ago. Britton, I'm pretty sure is around 22-23. Gulp.

Liddy is 9 months and is cruising like crazy. At this rate, I'm not sure who's going to walk first, her or Britton.  At her recent wellness visit she was 18 pounds 7 ounces and 27 1/2 inches long. She was in the 50th percentile for height and weight. Her head on the other hand, was in the 95th!

They make my world go round. And every day, I just remain thankful for all the people that went into making my family a reality. Goose (our egg donor), Kelly, CCRM, Midwest Fertility...my friends and family and most especially T. What would I do without these little monkeys!?

Thursday, August 11, 2016

my baby girl is 8 months old

I seem to always post the baby updates together. I decide this time, I'm actually gonna give Liddy her own post AND it's gonna be on time.

She's 8 months old today and I don't know where the time has gone. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was still pregnant with her. I feel like this entire year has been a blur. That makes me a bit sad, I won't lie. My dreams came true in a giant one-two-three punch. There are times that I wish I could just spend a whole day focusing on just one baby. That they should be getting more one on one time but it's just not possible. There are moments of course. Where I'll run errands and Trevor will stay home and I'll take one baby with me, but those moments are rare and they never last very long. I hope they all know how very much I love them and I truly hope they feel that love even if they are constantly surrounded by and sharing their mom and dad with their siblings.

That all said, yes, I'm feeling emotional about the fact that my babies aren't really babies anymore. Liddy has been crawling since she was 6 months old and has been standing since she was 7 months old. I've begged her to slow down, but she refuses. Gotta keep up with her brothers. At this rate she'll be walking the same time they are!

She was at the pediatrician this week and weighed 17 pounds and 13 ounces. At her 6 month appointment she was right at the 50th percentile for weight and 25th percentile for height. However, she was pretty close to the 90th percentile for her head size, which makes sense considering it was her head that caused me to have a c-section! She's wearing 9 month or 6-12 month clothes. She's wearing size 3 diapers and size 0-3 month shoes! Guess she's gonna have small feet like her mama! (I'm a size 6)

The nurse practitioner she saw in early July told us her teeth were coming in any minute. Well, still no teeth, but she's been drooling and chewing on everything for months. So we're still waiting.

She's still a breastfeeding champ. She gets about 12 oz a day by bottle, 3 times a week. The rest of the time I nurse her. She still nurses a few times at night and sleeps in her crib about 30% of the time. The rest of the time she sleeps with me. I'm exhausted pretty much every day. I work full time and have 3 babies under 13 months, so, yes, when she wakes to nurse, I bring her in bed and we both fall asleep. But to do what I do, I need rest, so for now, it works for us. Plus I know she's the only baby I'll ever get this experience with. So I'm just gonna enjoy it while it last. Most people say by the time they are a year, the middle of the night feedings will end. That's really not that far away.

She eats solids...kinda. She's not a huge puree fan. She does like to do finger foods IF you can get her to sit in her high chair. That's a huge giant "if". Because she hates it. She hates her high chair, she hates her car seat, she hates sitting in pretty much anything that isn't your lap or the floor. She only moderately likes her stroller. She literally will stretch and contort her body to keep from getting into any such seat. It's quite comical.

She's definitely a mama's girl still. I'm sure it's because I'm her food, but also her comfort person due to our nursing bond. I won't lie...I like it. She's still such a happy baby, and we are incredibly lucky. She's completed our family and our hearts in so many ways. I look forward to so many amazing moments with this little girl.

Here's some pics of her from this morning...