This has been a difficult post to write. We've been through so much heartache and loss and I had moved on from ever believing something like this would be possible. And we were and are okay with that. We have two perfect boys arriving in August. The way they were conceived and are coming into this world is an absolute gift. I can't even comprehend how lucky we are that we have them. And not just them...but Kelly. Kelly and her family are forever a part of our family now. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Maybe this happened because my heart literally soars when visiting Texas. Seeing my babies and spending time with her amazing kids. Maybe that sent my ovaries (and uterus) into overdrive. So I will forever believe that Kelly is giving me my twins, my little miracles, but she also gave me my rainbow baby.
Several weeks ago...I got this...
I struggled with how and when to share this news on my blog. I feel guilty for one. Guilty for all of a sudden going from infertile to 3 babies. That seems way to lucky. Too good to be true. I had given up on dreams of a large family. I was thrilled with the twins because at least my children would have a sibling. This...is beyond what all my post-infertility dreams could imagine. But with that, comes the guilt because there are so many friends that I want and need to have this kind of miracle. I hope and pray for them every single day and will never stop until everyone gets the joy of holding their child. I know how much I ache for that...and I know how much many of you still ache for that as well. All I can say is miracles really do happen. So please, please see this news of mine as hope that no matter how bad things are, no matter how hopeless things seem to be...you can and will beat the odds.
I also have a history of loss. With two ectopics under my belt, a chemical and a blighted ovum...I need to be sure before really coming out with this pregnancy. I had 4 betas early on...all doubled appropriately. But the blighted ovum back in 2011 really did a number on me. With that pregnancy my betas were great. But when we got to the ultrasound at 6w3d...there was nothing but an empty sac...no baby, no heartbeat. I was 34 years old then. Now I'm almost 38. I couldn't fathom a healthy pregnancy.
Last Wednesday at 6w2d I had my first ultrasound. And this is what we saw...
A baby. An actual baby. In MY uterus. And best of all. It had a heartbeat of 120. I had never heard that sweet sound coming from my body before. It was amazing and emotional. Not just for me and my husband, but for the doctor that has so kindly treated me so well through all my years of monitoring me for CCRM, doing IUI's and now this...Midwest Fertility I'm happy to say, is probably one of the most compassionate and kind clinics I've had the pleasure of being a patient at. And even with a natural pregnancy, they didn't even question following this pregnancy and absolutely embracing me. These are the people that know me. That saw me for every blood draw for CCRM, for every heartbreaking ultrasound...but never got the credit...good or bad for my treatments. But they are probably the clinic that I will hold closest to my heart for the way they have treated me. They cried tears of happiness for me these past few weeks. I love them for that.
This past week, I got hit with symptoms. PREGNANCY symptoms. I've never had these before! My boobs are killing me and wow am I nauseous literally 24 hours a day. It sucks!! And I love it!! I can't believe it!! And I'll take every crappy moment!! For moments like today...
When I got to see "Baby C" and how much he or she grew! At 7w3d the baby is measuring 3 days ahead with a heart rate of 164. The doctor said everything looks perfect. He's so shocked!! I mean...seriously...who isn't!? He said that if this all works out, I will be one of his most favorite stories ever. This is supposed to be impossible. This is supposed to be a less than 1% chance. We used donor eggs. We used a surrogate. I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve. I have Stage III Endometriosis. And the big kicker as if those weren't enough...I have Asherman's Syndrome. I'm no where near out of the woods. But I couldn't wait any longer to share this with the people that have supported me from day one.
And honestly...it's overwhelming. We have twins coming in August. And if things continue to go well, I'll be half way through a pregnancy. I'm going to have 3 babies under 6 months old. It's crazy!! I have no idea how we'll do it. But even though I know there are going to be some hard times ahead of us...I'm so happy. We both are. Thrilled. That our family will be absolutely complete in every way we could have ever imagined.