Tuesday, March 24, 2015

16 Week Update

Last week I was able to join K for her 16 week appointment with the new doctor. She was right. He's absolutely perfect for us. Very kind and definitely excited to be a part of this experience. First off, he just wanted to sit and talk to us about how we met. The story behind my little miracles. Which of course, is something I love sharing. My Surrogate is her Egg Donor is the post I wrote last year which detailed how K and I happened. It's a story I plan to share with my boys over and over again. Because they truly are my miracles that happened because of this blog community.

That's right...I'm having two boys!! I couldn't be happier. My life is going to get a lot messier, a lot sportier and most likely involve way more hilarious bodily noises than I'm used to for years to come. Guess what?! I'm going to love every minute of it. Even when I pretend I don't.

Boys love their mama's. Not just when they are little, but always. Not that girls don't. They totally do. But to surround myself with two little guys who hopefully, are as sweet as their father...it can't possibly get much better than that.

Our appointment last week went well. Both boys were moving like crazy. Especially Baby B. He seems to be the mover and shaker and likes to stretch out and force his brother into scruntchy little positions. They are both still rocking nice strong heart beats in the 160-170's.

K is feeling pretty good. She still gets hit with nausea from time to time, but she handles it like a champ and usually pickles do the trick for her. Her blood pressure was a bit high at our appointment. It was 144/86. I've had a few up and down moments of worry over this since Friday. The doctor "isn't worried just yet". They sent her home to do the 24 hour urine test to see how her kidney's are functioning and whether there is any protein in her urine. She's taking that test on Thursday and will take it to the lab on Friday.

My hope is this was just a fluke and something maybe triggered a bit of stress before her appointment. Preeclampsia quite honestly scares the crap out of me and I just didn't think it would be something I would worry about this early. My fear is if she's having BP issues this early, then she will have more issues later on. I just want K and the babies to have a safe and healthy delivery. That's all I ask. Would love to hear thoughts from any of you that have insight or experience. We see the MFM doctor next Thursday and I'm sure he'll have his own two-cents worth on the subject.

Speaking of...next week T and I both will be traveling to Texas for that appointment. This will be the first time that he's been able to join us for an ultrasound and I'm so excited for him to experience seeing and hearing the babies first hand. Which at this anatomy exam, I'm told we'll get lots of that. But also, he's going to get to spend time with K and her family the way I have. Every time I go there I'm reminded that this family came into our life for a reason. Not just to complete our family...but I think it is much bigger than that. I think they came in to our world to make us a better family and to be a part of our life for always.

I absolutely love this family. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

OB Appointment - Part 2

Did I mention in my last post how awesome it was to be in Texas with K?! Probably. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to mention it again.

I left off with our crap OB that can pretty much kiss my ass. (Am I allowed to say that!? Wait, it's my blog...yes, I am)

The doctor that we were referred to that was really spoken highly of is Dr. Bradford. He's supportive of vaginal deliveries AND he's very experienced in breech deliveries. What's that mean? It means where a lot of twins that are both head down at delivery and one is delivered vaginally, but then the other starts to flip around because of all the room that it's suddenly acquired...quite a few doctors will automatically do a c-section to get Baby B out. When in actuality, a baby born breech after Baby A was just delivered vaginally, is possible. Dr. Bradford is experienced in this. 

However, he still plans on delivering in the OR with an epidural already in place. Because as we all know, birth plans can go right out the window. If BOTH babies are breech, then a vaginal delivery most likely can't happen. 

Let me back up. A few days after our appointment with the asshat doctor, K called Dr. B's office to try and schedule an appointment. The front desk told her it would be the end of March before he could see her. Well by the end of March she'd be almost 18 weeks pregnant! So that was discouraging. 

However, by that Monday, the office had called her back and after speaking with the doctor, he wanted to see her that same week. So last Friday, she met Dr. B. 

She loved him. Said he was "awesomeness". He went through all the scenarios that would mean a c-section, and what didn't. He was absolutely supportive of her wishes to try for a vaginal delivery. And it gets better. He also as agreed that T and I will both be in the OR/delivery room for the birth. 

He talked to her for an hour. An hour! On a Friday afternoon! He told her how awesome he considers surrogates. He was excited for her and for us. I knew someone would be and we finally found him. This is our doctor. 

He also did a free ultrasound so they could take a look at the babies. They looked great! Heart rates were 166 and 178. And get this...the doctor could tell the gender! 

He said he could almost guarantee it. That he's almost certain. That he'll confirm 100% on March 20th at her 16 week appointment. 

So unless you follow my blog name on Instagram...sorry, you'll have to wait until then to know. :) That's only due to my blog being very open to friends and family outside of the infertility community. 

The past few weeks have made me realize that this is exactly how it was supposed to be for me. For us. This is how we were always supposed to have our family. There's no doubts, no regrets and no sorrow that my body failed me. There's just happy. Because this woman and her family were absolutely meant to be in our world for this reason. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

OB Appointment - Part 1

A few weeks ago I traveled to Texas to be a part of K's first OB appointment. I was thrilled (putting it mildly) to finally see and hear my babies. To see them bouncing around on the ultrasound screen in front of my very eyes.

Well, lets start by saying my visit with K and her family was amazing. To spend time with her and her kids, I don't even have words for how special it was to me. I am forever grateful for what she's doing for me, but also so blessed to have her as a friend. And wow, is she a busy mama!!

Together we went to her appointment (she was 12 weeks) and anxiously waited to meet the doctor.

From here, it just went horribly bad. Not with the babies--they're great, but with this doctors office.

First, they did a vaginal ultrasound (super quick) and did no measurements on the babies or their heart rates. When I asked about the heart rates she just said, "oh, they're in the 150's". Odd, since I know ultrasounds enough to know she didn't measure it. Thanks lady for just lying to me.

She then proceeded to talk to K and I about the birth. She said we could go ahead and schedule her c-section at 37 weeks. We told her that since K had four vaginal deliveries, she really wanted to attempt a vaginal delivery. She understands that emergencies happen. But why at 12 weeks is there a need to schedule a c-section? The doctor looked at me and told me that if K wanted to proceed with a vaginal delivery I should contact my legal team.

Excuse me!?! Did this doctor just imply that I should legally force this woman to have major abdominal surgery when, at this point, there is no reason? Cause that's what it sounded like, to both of us. She then went on to tell us that only one person would be allowed in the OR. When asked about doing previous surrogacy's, she just said no and she wasn't overly kind or warm to either of us.  She never even mentioned K seeing a MFM doctor at any point in the pregnancy. We're talking red flags left and right here.

Two things K and I are both ready to fight for:

1) T and I absolutely support her wish for a vaginal delivery if possible.

2) K and her husband absolutely want T and I both to be in the OR/delivery room.

K wanted me to be able to see and hear the babies while I was there (for more than 30 seconds) so we scheduled an appointment at a 3d ultrasound place. It was amazing. For 30 minutes I watched them bounce, wave and move around. Their heart rates were both 175! We were even fortunate enough to speak with a midwife/doula while we were there that gave us so much information. On twin births and of doctors that we should consider. One thing she was clear about, the one we had just seen, was NOT for us.

So...we need another doctor...STAT.

The good news...this is the beautiful part of the country that my babies are going to come into the world.

Monday, March 2, 2015

We Just Clicked

Last week while traveling for work to California, I had the privilege of meeting Dreaming of Diapers. If you know my struggles and have never read her blog, you're going to find a lot of similarities. Dimished Ovarian Reserve, thin lining, etc.

We spent hours talking, laughing and crying over shared experiences, loss and yes, even the joy of finally knowing my babies are on their way. We connected on so many levels. Many of you that are familiar with her blog, knows she's a fighter. She's got spirit and tenacity and because of that, make no mistake, she'll be a mom. She's got guts and courage galore. Lets be honest, fighting a thin lining, as I know, takes all of that. 

She gave me hope for women everywhere fighting thin uterine lining, fluid in the uterine cavity and beating the odds by working around it and never giving up. She knows the right questions to ask and how to search out the right doctors and latest technologies. 

What I loved most about her was her heart. It's not often that someone can read a few words that you write and really know you. But that's exactly what she did. Back in December after our transfer I posted about Love. In that post, I quoted one of my mother's favorite quotes. She used to say it all the time to express how happy she was. It comes from the movie "Little Big Man". 

"My Heart Soars Like a Hawk" 

I still hear my mom's voice when I see those words. She gave me a special gift last week. One that filled me with emotion because she really knew me and understood me. 

I've wrote it a million times I feel like...infertility sucks. It really, really does. But look at what it's brought into my life. I wouldn't trade these friendships for the world. 

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Show her love...

If we have an infertility blog, or follow them consistently...then we know what loss feels like in some fashion or another. I've posted years worth of struggles, loss and challenges. Through it all, I've had so much love and kindness sent my way.

I know I'm behind on updating about my trip to Texas. That's coming. I promise. Just know for now, that all is wonderful. So much has happened these past few weeks, and I will be sharing all of it very soon.

But right now, what's most important, is standing by our friends in this community. One of my most special friends not only in the blog world, but in MY world, is Amanda. I can't remember a time that she hasn't cheered me on, virtually wiped my tears and shown unwavering amounts of love.

She is always there for so many of us, at every turn, heartache and joy. No matter how difficult it is for her, she radiates happiness for US. She's a special kind of rarity and I'm so so blessed to have found her and get to know her. I'd walk this walk 1000 times over if it meant getting to know her all over again.

If you don't know, she's been waiting to bring her baby home through adoption since last fall. While several have come close, it hasn't been quite close enough. This last week Amanda and her husband, Sam were one of TWO to potentially get chose by a birth mom. So much hope rests on these situations. And it's the same as any loss that we've felt along the way when it doesn't turn out how we'd hoped. They were not chosen.

She's one of the strongest and bravest women I've ever "met". I want her baby to come home to her and I pray for that every single night. She will be the most amazing mother and deserves to hold her baby in her arms. I wish I was as eloquent a write as she...but I will always fall short of beautiful way with words. So please, pop over to her blog and give her even a tiny piece of the love and support she has shown me and so many of us.

Hang in there my dear friend. I know in my heart your baby is waiting for you just as you wait for him or her.