I'm their mom...and it's so amazing.

So much to say. SO much to update. For those that don't know...my boys arrived just after midnight on Thursday morning at exactly 33 weeks.

Casey Harrison arrived at 12:14 am on July 16th weighing 3 pounds 12 ounces and 15 3/4 inches long. 

Britton Michael arrived at 12:16 am on July 16th weighing 3 pounds 15 ounces and 17 3/4 inches long. 

On Wednesday evening Kelly and I were completely packed up and ready to leave the hospital when the doctor returned and said he was concerned that her last 2 BP readings were borderline. He no longer felt comfortable with her going home for the night. I unpacked us, got us some dinner, and started to settle in for the evening. Then Kelly had some vision spots. Dr. B had asked me if this happened to text him. I did so and within minutes he was in our room. We talked for a bit, but decided with her high protein levels, the BP rising and now vision changes, the best thing we could do was to deliver the babies. Unfortunately both babies were transverse which mean we had to go in via c-section. We called the husbands and told them to start heading to the hospital. Babies were coming. 

Earlier in the evening the doctor had tried to transfer Kelly to the hospital with the Level 3 NICU, however they wouldn't take her because they had no beds. So Kelly needed to deliver where she was with her OB. That meant NICU teams had to be assembled and sent from the Children's Hospital for each baby. Within a few hours, Kelly was on her Magnesium and all the teams were in place. We were so blessed by the wonderful doctors and staff that Kelly's husband, Trevor and myself were all able to be in the operating room. We saw and HEARD our babies as they entered this world. There are no words for me to describe that moment. 

They came out little, but loud! My little fighters. People say girls fight harder, but I've been told my boys are proving that wrong. I love that. 

Britton (Baby B) was struggling just a hair more than Casey (Baby A) with his breathing. Therefore, he was given the VIP treatment and was flown via helicopter to Children's. Casey was transferred via ambulance. It thrilled me that the NICU teams took the time to take each baby into Kelly's room for her to see before they were transferred. Once I knew Kelly was okay, Trevor and I (and T's brother) headed to the hospital to see our boys. By 4:30 am, both boys were in their little homes for the next little bit and stable. We were given a family room to lay down and rest. At this point, I was running on so much adrenaline there was no way I was going to sleep. I just tried my best to let my body relax for a bit before joining the boys for their first rounds with the doctor. 

We were told they were doing exactly as they should be for 33 weeks. And that is a good thing. Over the past few days, they have flip-flopped just a bit and Britton is actually overachieving on his breathing now. Within the next 24 hours they will begin weaning him completely off oxygen. 

Casey breathes just a little harder and faster, so he's still using a bit more oxygen than his brother. Other than that, he's doing great as well. They just think he needs a little more help for just a bit longer and that's okay. They've began feeds (through tubes, not bottles) and those are going well so far. 

So lots of things have worked out. We were present for the birth. We were able to deliver with our OB. I am beyond grateful for that. We ended up at a Children's Hospital for their care. This is ABSOLUTELY where we should be. I have zero doubt in that. These people here are amazing. Not only that, but we've been given housing for the duration of their stay at the hospital. I literally go up an elevator and walk down the hall to seem my guys anytime I want.

 My only regret is what Kelly has gone through this week. The c-section has not been easy on her and she's still struggling to get her vitals stable. She had to have a couple blood transfusions and it hurts me that she's having to go through all of this for us. She was and is amazing. What she's done...what she's given us...is our whole world. Perfect little boys. Little boys that we are constantly told are some of the loudest of the babies here. 

This whole experience just fills my heart with so much love. Look at what I have now. A family. Trevor and I are so deeply in love with these guys we can barely stand it. I was even able to hold Britton last night and this morning. Trevor was able to hold Casey. Pretty sure it's time to switch! 

I'll try to update again soon. Still so much I want to share about the amazing people and staff that we've been surrounded by this past week. But here are a few pictures for now. 

Visiting Kelly before transport. And Dad's finger.

Only a few hours old

First hold. Best thing ever.

The awesome Dr. Bradford who took such good care of Kelly and our boys.

A Moment to Breathe

I'm so sorry for my very brief update that probably left you all with questions and concerns. I've finally had a few minutes of calm to sit down and write out this post.

Here's what's been going on:

On Monday morning, Kelly had her regular OB appointment. Her blood pressure was high at 146/89 and her urine showed signs of protein. Her doctor was immediately concerned and wanted her admitted to the hospital for 24 hour observation and the 24 hour urine test to check her kidney function. They also began the steroid shot treatment for the babies lungs. His suggestion was that Trevor and I head down to Texas as soon as possible.

Our plan all along has been to drive. Obviously knowing that plans can change in an instance. Luckily, I'm a pretty OCD crazy planner kinda freak, and had everything packed in our dining room ready to go for our trip. I booked a flight out of Indianapolis Monday afternoon and arrived in Corpus Christi early evening. Trevor, bless that man, drove. His brother, who is nothing short of my hero, took a flight to Memphis so that he could join Trevor for the majority of the drive so he wouldn't be alone. They arrived yesterday evening.

Since Monday morning, every reading with the exception of the very first one, has been great and totally normal. Blood work showed her liver is doing just fine. The 24 hour urine test however, was pretty horrible And by horrible I mean, anything over 300 is considered bad. Her results were 5400. She also has been having contractions off and on. Sometimes frequent, sometimes not. She's currently dilated to almost 3 cm. That was as of yesterday morning. However, as of yesterday morning, both boys are transverse. So there isn't a lot of concern for her going into labor at this point.

Yesterday after the OB spoke with the MFM we were given 3 options:

1) Go home and then go in on Thursday morning at 8:15 to meet with the MFM doctor.

2) Stay at the current hospital she's being monitored at, however, if things get bad she would have to be transferred to the MFM's hospital that has the Level III NICU.

3) Be transferred now to the MFM's hospital.

Obviously they are giving us these options because they believe these options are all safe. Our big concern is the distance from home to the hospital. It's a solid hour on a good day with no traffic. So IF things got bad quickly with her vitals...are we to far away by her being at home? Her vitals have been great for over 48 hours now. But we can't discount that obviously her kidneys are struggling.

Yesterday, our choice was to stay where we were and be monitored another night. We plan on going home later today and going to the MFM first thing in the morning to see what he thinks. At that time, if it's best she stay at the hospital. We'll do that. However, she could be fine for another week. Where should we spend that week? It's really a tough decision. For everyone.

You always just want to be told what the best thing to do is. Rather than having to make that call. What's the best? What's going to keep her the most calm?

I just want Kelly to be comfortable. I want her safe. And if she's safe, the babies are safe.

I know pre-eclampsia is unfortunately something that a great many of us have had to deal with during pregnancies after infertility. I welcome and hope for any and all thoughts, advise, feedback or guidance. Anything you are willing to offer us.

And just to let you all know...babies are doing great.

I've spent the past few days in the hospital with her trying my best to be helpful to her. I'm so glad we're here. If nothing else to be a supportive role for her and her family until the time comes that these little guys need to come out. We'd love another week or two, but if that's not in the cards, I know that they've been cared for in the best possible way by Kelly. I certainly couldn't have done a better job myself. I know that there are doctors here to help these little guys out in their first few days and weeks. I take a great comfort in all of that.

I also have to give praise to the staff at Christus Spohn Alice. They are simply amazing. The way they've treated me, but especially Kelly moves me to tears. I will be sad if we aren't able to deliver here. We understand why that may not be possible, but we'll lose out on a pretty awesome experience that sometimes medical complications just tend to supersede.

Thank you so much for the continued good thoughts and prayers!

In Texas

I wish I had time for a long update. But I just don't. So this is going to be quick.

I arrived in Texas last night. Kelly's BP was very high and she had protein in her urine. She was admitted to the hospital and since then her BP has gone down, but her kidney's continue to show not so great results. We will have the 24 our test results shortly.

We were advised to come down to Texas ASAP as the babies could be born within a week. So here we are. Hopefully she'll be released today and we can continue to wait out their arrival and let them cook at little more.

More when I can.

xoxo

my birthday wish

How many birthday's have their been that I've had the constant ache for a child?

I know four years ago, I was so hopeful because we were officially "trying" around my birthday in 2011.

The following year, my birthday was one day before our first "would be due date".

In 2013, we found out I was again, naturally pregnant while on vacation the week of my birthday. And within a week, we knew it would end.

In 2014, I had so much hope...because of Kelly. And this year...this year...beyond my wildest dreams we've been given a gift. Three actually. So my only wish now is that they arrive safely in my arms. All of them. But that wish seems so selfish. When there are so many...just wishing for their one.

My true wish this year really goes beyond me. I have wishes for this journey to not just be over for me...but for my friends. For my friends that have gone through the same heartache, hurt and loss that I have. That ache every day to be called "mom". Because they deserve this too. And no matter how much they are hurting, they love me and support me. What is love people ask? That's love. Unconditional love of friends.

So her are my wishes for this 38th birthday:

That my dear friend at Dreaming of Diapers can follow in my footsteps...because we are kindred spirits and have so much in common in our journey. And because she too, deserves a miracle.

That Elena has a successful fourth cycle this month because she too, has worked so hard, and deserves to bring her child into the beautiful home they have built.

That God blesses sweet Caroline with the child that she remains faithful for. Because her love for him is real. Her faith is real. And her prayers deserve to be answered.

That Sarah continues to feel strength and hope in whatever direction she takes to finally become a mother. She's been hurting to long.

That Amber will realize that the loss of her twins is not her fault and that her babies love her, because they know...that she loved them.

That Amanda be blessed with not just Garrison, but a house full of babies for him to play with. Because I know that's what her heart desires.

That Ali should be blessed with another miracle. Because she's such a wonderful mother to her twins.

That JoJo, Jane, Risa and Aubrey have safe and healthy deliveries.

That Augusta finds all the strength and courage that she had through her years of infertility for this new and different road she travels. Because she's kind...and I want her to be happy.

That Pam and Julie C. continue to receive good news.

That Rebekah has a successful cycle at CCRM.

That Julie T. can keep her strength to get through these next few days so that she can push forward. Trust me. I know how hard that is to do.

That all my friends that have experienced losses this year continue to heal. My heart is with them always.

That all the new mom's that have waited so long continue to feel the joy and good health of their long-awaited babies.

That anyone else reading this blog, on this very difficult journey and still waiting and hoping for a miracle can believe...that it can and will happen.

This is what I wish today.

A sweet friend shared this with me today. And it seemed so appropriate. 

my boys

Kelly had an appointment with our MFM last week. These little guys are just rocking right along. Both weighing about 3.5 pounds each and of course, both turned breech...hopefully not to stay. She already thinks at least one turned since then, and the doctor assured her that there was still time for them to cooperate.

The boys were pretty shy with the camera and this was the only decent shot (other than a tush pic) that they were able to get.

It amazes me that we are less than 3 weeks from leaving for Texas to wait for these little guys arrival. The doctor believes that she will not be induced and will go into labor before that. I just hope that it's after our arrival. Kelly will be 34.5 weeks when we arrive.

As far as how she's feeling, and I'm sure those reading this that have had twins know...she's pretty uncomfortable. She doesn't sleep well and their movements can sometimes stop her in her tracks. It's pretty darn hot in Texas, and with 4 kids, 3 dogs and always being on the go, she is dealing with painful swelling. It goes down when she is able to put her feet up and rest, but still...I hate that she's in any discomfort.

It still blows my mind. That because of the willingness and kind heart of another, in the next month or so, we'll be holding our sons. I can't tell you how many times that thought crosses my mind on a daily basis.

What a truly remarkable journey this has become.