Thursday, June 28, 2012

Patience is not one of my better qualities

I'm struggling a bit today. I'm 5 dpo, so testing is still at a minimum almost a week away. I want to know right now and it's bothering me so much that it's out of my control. I feel that I have so much riding on this cycle. I guess I'll feel pretty discouraged if it's a BFN mainly because we nailed the 3 days prior to O, O day, and the 2 days following. That along with the Clomid, I guess I feel if it doesn't work, there is obviously an issue, especially since I know I'm responding well to the Clomid.

Another reason I have so much riding on this month, aside from my would be due date that is now 11 days away, the next few months, we aren't going to be able to put the effort in like we did this cycle. T travels in what could potentially (if my next cycle is "normal") be my fertile window. While it will be possible, he'll only be gone for 2 days, I know that it will lessen our chances. The following month, again, only if my cycles stay regular, he'll be gone for 3-6 days around my fertile window. Might as well take the month of August off of Clomid.

Needless to say, my patience (any that I had remaining) is pretty much gone. I recently came across a book (thank you, Danielle) that seemed almost too perfect for me. DH bought me a Kindle for my birthday (which is still a week away) and he wanted me to load a few books on it prior to vacation, then he'd wrap it up and give it to me on the 8th. I downloaded The Impatient Women's Guide to Getting Pregnant. I read a bit of it yesterday as I got my hair done, and I have to say, it may be my favorite of all the fertility books I've read. It's simply hilarious. Well written, witty and above all us, describes me to a T. I'm hoping Trevor doesn't take my Kindle away between now and my birthday, because I'm not sure I can stop reading it now. He has to know this is a very "impatient" time for me and I need all the help and support I can get, which = early birthday present. Everyone is happy.

Vacation in 5 days.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

3 dpo...longest 2ww ever (I say that every month I think)

Nothing new to report since yesterday. I am having some sharp pains that come and go on my right side in the ovary vicinity. Other than that, no symptoms, not surprisingly. I did get my Fertility Friend Ovulation confirmation today, just as I anticipated, I ovulated on CD 12.

Oh...and acupuncture yesterday was fabulous. I think I slept through a good part of it. Pure delight!

10 days till I POAS...7 days till vacation...count down is on!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Ovulation Complete!

Looks like I ovulated much earlier this cycle vs. last. Last cycle was CD 17. This cycle was CD 12! This makes me a little nervous. I hope that the follicles were mature enough! Oh well...we did our best this weekend, yay husband for all your efforts! I had a sharp rise with my temps on Sunday morning which coincided with the positive OPK's on Friday/Saturday. So looks like I ovulated sometime on Saturday.

Now on to my favorite part of the cycle...2ww. I have acupuncture today and will be going in for my progesterone test next Monday, 9 dpo. Looks like we'll find out how this cycle turns out in the first few days of vacation. I can't imagine a better time to get a BFP. Vacation is over my birthday, our 11 year (dating) anniversary and our would be due date. What a mix of happy and sad occasions. I know that I'll be so disappointed if this cycle doesn't work out, even more so than normal.

If it does work, I wonder what should I give credit too??

What I tried this month:

  • acupuncture
  • instead softcups (yes, I've now mastered getting these suckers out myself!)
  • grapefruit juice/mucinex for CM
  • pineapple core 1-5 dpo
I asked T which of these things we should credit if we do happen to get a BFP...he looked and me and said, my sperm, obviously.  Touchè DH!

Friday, June 22, 2012

A little Friday humor?!

So all these ladies on the boards I'm on BC and Ovagraph keep mentioning soft cups. Several ladies even said that was what they did differently when they got their BFP. So of course, me being a little adventurous and ready to try anything, went out earlier this week and bought a little pack of soft cups. Last night, hubby and I did our thing and then I inserted my soft cup! So romantic.

So this morning comes. Um...I can't get it out. T is standing there, like, "are you going to have to go to the doctor to get that out, cause that would be hilarious". He's so supportive in these type of situations. So you are supposed to be able to hook your finger around the rim and pull it out. Well it was so high that I could touch the rim, but my fingers weren't long enough to "hook" it.

"HUSBAND!!! You're going to have to do this." He comes out, "you're kidding, right?" "Nope". So he starts to sit down next to me to do this, and he's in his running gear, I asked, "have you even washed your hands??" Oh, no. HA! Yeah, you're going to have to do that first!

So with freshly cleaned hands, husband was able to pull out the soft cup. Thank goodness. He then proceeded to throw it at me...gross. Very funny, T.

So his first reaction was "you aren't going to use that again are you?" Well...that's undecided. Cause it certainly kept all his little sperm-ies way up there close to my cervix!! We'll see come tomorrow, either way, at least he's now been trained on removing soft cups.

One other tidbit, I informed him that soft cups were actually used for women during AF. His look of sheer horror imaging that cup full of "AF" was simply priceless.

He did ask if I was going to blog about this and I gave him an astounding "oh, hell yeah!".

Happy Friday!

Update: it's go time!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Ovulation around the corner?

The past few days have been mostly uneventful. I did feel like I was having some O pains last night, however, I think it's still really early for that. Maybe it just means the Clomid is stirring things up down there. I'm going to guess ovulation happens early next week around CD 15-16.

This cycle in some ways feels slightly more relaxed than the past few. I have been using my Ovacue, temping and just started my OPK's...but something feels slightly less "gotta get this done" this month. For some reason after everything that has happened this year, I can't imagine getting my BFP this month. This has kind of been my deadline of sorts. Wanting so badly to be pregnant when my due date comes along on July 9. Things just haven't worked out the way I've wanted them to, so mentally, I just feel slightly defeated already.

I think we're just going to DTD every other day this time. It seems we end up BD'ing every day because I get so frantic about missing ovulation. It causes so much pressure from all angles! I really want to try and avoid that this cycle.

I recently bought the gi-normous combo pack of internet cheapie OPK's and HPT's. I've avoided buying huge bulk numbers in the past because, well, I just keep hoping that I won't need that many. I finally broke down and bought them. At least I feel better about POAS 3 times a day with my OPK's rather than on the CBE digi's.

Vacay is in 12 days. I need this on so many levels:

1) To be away with my hubbers, just us for a week and a half sounds amazing and is exactly what we need.

2) My birthday is the day before my would-be due date, I really don't want to make a huge deal this year, with it just being us, I won't have to worry about that.

3) We'll also find out if this cycle worked while on vacay...while I do feel doubtful, I can't help but have that oh so teeny tiny speck of hope.

4) Work has been crazy stressful lately. What better way to rejuvenate than by golfing, lounging poolside, and reading books by the ocean. All with the best hubs around.

Just 12 more days...

Monday, June 18, 2012

Good start, Monday. CD 7.

I had such a great weekend. Visiting with family and friends is sometimes the best remedy for what ails ya. My sister left yesterday morning and the hubs and I spent the entire day lounging around. This is not typical for us, and we both agreed that it was much needed after several weeks constantly on the go. Even after all that lounging, I still fell asleep on the couch at 8 pm! I slept till 7 am (minus the wake up, it's time to go upstairs around 10:30).

This morning I even woke up in time to do the whole wash hair routine and homemade oatmeal with fruit before heading out for my first acupuncture session for this cycle. Oddly enough, both visits we've discovered that my back, is not a fan. I have a very tight back and it seems to twitch and spasm every time he tries to insert the needles. So, for now, we've decided that we'll stick with my stomach area and my legs! Next session is CD 14, next Monday.

I have to say I feel pretty great. Not sure if it was the acupuncture of the combination of all of the above, but I'm on a high note today. I also took my final Clomid pill this morning, so hopefully things are busy working down there exactly as they did last month and maybe, this month, we'll be lucky!

I take my BBT temp and my oral reading for Ovacue every morning. I log my numbers and then I ignore them. I haven't bothered to look at the chart at all. I'm going to do my best to continue this trend as I start the vaginal readings tonight and just relax. After this many cycles, I know when I should ovulate. I'll start my OPK's around CD 10 and I'm just going to go with it. We'll probably start BD'ing every other day around CD 11 or 12.

That's where we are as of today!! Hoping for a miracle to happen!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Quick update...CD 2

So now that my flipping amazing anniversary is over, and wow, did that husband of mine do it up right!

I can say that AF arrived yesterday. ON my anniversary. Grrrrr. Not preferable. Regardless, that did mean that I didn't have to have my period induced with provera. So to recap. I ovulated on CD 17 last month and had a 33 day cycle. I will start my Clomid tomorrow. I have decided to take it in the am, vs. the pm, hoping that maybe the extra 12 hours will maybe put ovulation around CD 16. Oddly enough looks like if I do ovulate around CD 16/17, the first day I could test for pregnancy would be July 9.

July 9 was my due date. I'm unsure I feel about this and I'm not sure I will be able to test that day. I think it will be tough enough without the sadness of a BFN. Unless I have strong pregnancy symptoms, I will probably wait until July 10 to test. If I did have pregnancy symptoms, then a BFP maybe just the thing on July 9!! Not to mention we will be in Hilton Head that entire week. This should be an interesting and emotional cycle I'm predicting.

Plan for this cycle:

Clomid - CD 3-7
Ovacue and BBT only until ovulation is confirmed -- I will not be temping or monitoring during the 2ww
OPK - Will start these on CD 11
Acupuncture on CD 7, 14 & 21
Progesterone Blood Test - 7 days after ovulation
RELAX - maybe even have a glass of wine or two these next few weeks.

My sister and her boyfriend are driving her from North Carolina tomorrow. Looking forward to some fun in the sun and relaxation this weekend!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A very special day = a non-ttc kinda post

Year one. June 12, 2011 I married my best friend after a decade of dating. Best day of my life. We had a small, intimate wedding that was absolutely perfect. Our family and closest friends traveled from all over the country to be a part of our Chapel Hill, North Carolina wedding. This year hasn't been perfect. I'd probably be concerned if it had been. We certainly had our bumps. We will always remember that we were pregnant this first year...but it wasn't meant to be. Out of that, I saw so much tenderness, love and support from T. I will be eternally grateful and I know that I am truly one very lucky girl.

Anyone that's read the "our story" section has read a little about the story of our engagement. Well the series of cards that he made for me then were duplicated today. They were just tweaked a bit to reflect the present.

This is what I woke up to this morning. Have I mentioned my husband is a creative director? Yes, he always designs and makes my cards. (see? lucky girl.) So this morning, I shaved my legs, packed my bag and was dropped off at work with no idea of what the day/night will bring. Until around 11 am...when these arrived.

My day has started out perfectly. I can't wait to see what is in store for tonight. So just when I was about to write a profanity laced post about my whacked out gave me something to be thankful for.

Love you T.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

15 dpo

Just a quick update before we hit the road back to Indianapolis. I'm 15 dpo, no AF and as of yesterday, still BFN. I decided I wasn't going to bother testing today. Clomid certainly lengthened my luteal phase, which was the doctor's intent, so all in all, even though I didn't get a BFP, it seems that there were lots of positives in this cycle.

1) Progesterone showed a very strong ovulation
2) Triphaisc first
3) Nice long luteal phase

So, good news is, I'm thinking they will keep me on the same dose of Clomid, which I prefer. Looks like it worked at 50mg. I'm still tossing around the idea of just taking the clomid and not doing as much charting this month...just winging it! Who knows, maybe that's the key.

Big week coming up. Our first anniversary is Tuesday. T has something cooking that so far I've not been privy to...I'm thinking this is going to be a great T & S night that will not revolve around baby making. My sister is visiting next weekend, I miss not being closer to her and only seeing her a few times a year. Looking forward to really kicking back and enjoying some R&R time with the folks I love most.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

One giant ball of stress

So I had my first reproductive acupuncture appointment today! We went through a consultation session that basically went through my history. My diagnosis? I'm one giant ball of stress! Ha...I knew that! Actually he said that it seems I'm victim of just some unfortunate bad luck, first with the IUD ectopic pregnancy then the miscarriage last fall. He seems very confident that I'm on the right track with my fertility needs and he's going to help me get knocked up! Sweet!

The plan is for me to go on CD 7 and CD 14 and potentially CD 21, we'll play that one by ear. Of course, I guess I can't count this month out completely until AF arrives. That hasn't happened yet, however, it's 12 dpo and still a BFN. It's crazy. I've had such good things come out of this cycle with the progesterone level and the possible Triphasic BBT chart, that I was really hoping this could have been the month. I guess what I need to look at whatever happens, is that I seemed to have responded well to the Clomid. Here's hoping that if this isn't my cycle. This next cycle will be.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Ask and you shall receive.

Well I got my "little" bit of positive-ness I was requesting. Maybe not the BFP yet...but at 10 dpo, it's early. They did run the HCG yesterday, which they weren't supposed to yet and a BFN blood test is no fun to hear about, BUT...I just got word from the nurse and my progesterone numbers are great! 47!! That's even higher than they were when I got my BFP last fall. So needless to say, the Clomid seems to be doing it's job at least. Whether I get my BFP is another story...we'll see how the week pans out.

I originally planned on testing today, but after the doctor snafu, I think I'll wait till Thursday. I would wait till Friday, but since we're heading out of town early Friday, I'm going to do a just in case Thursday morning, so I could get a HCG test to confirm before our travels. It would drive me bananas to get a BFP on Friday and have to wait till Monday to confirm!

Need a little "positive-ness" today

Seriously, this cycle has just been very difficult all around. I was so excited to start my first round of Clomid. After the ovulation confusion that happened, it really took a lot of the joy out of it! Now, I just found out from my doctors office that, yesterday, when I went in for my progesterone blood draw, they did an HSG instead. AGH! Well other than being told that was negative, that doesn't confirm ovulation this month. I'm beyond frustrated with this.

I'm waiting for a call back from them, my guess is I'll have to go back in today. I know 9 dpo is very early for a pregnancy test, but what a let down regardless, and a one that shouldn't have even happened. What I'm so torn about is that I have been seeing the obgyn for 8 years. I adore him. So far this year, (not him, thank goodness) but that office did a incomplete d&c, causing me to have an emergency d&c 6 days later, and then not getting monitored on the Clomid, which I feel is necessary and now this. It's very difficult when I've always had such a good relationship with this doctor. I know that I've made the right decision to see an RE, I just wish I could have gotten in sooner than late August. I'm really torn about what to do these next couple cycles. Monitor? Don't monitor? OPK's? Clomid still? Take a break? It's just really taking it's toll. Not that this cycle is out. I would say that being 10 dpo, doesn't necessarily mean that, but after all of this, it's really hard to be very confident. In truth, I'm concerned now about scar tissue among other things that could have happened with the multiple d&c's.

My husband keeps saying "well we got pregnant on an IUD, the odds of that are crazy", "we got pregnant after 4 cycles last fall", well maybe so, but something certainly isn't working now.

I'll update more later after I hear back from the doctor. Hopefully I can calm down a bit so I don't bite anyone's head off!

On better news...I love my husband. I had a great weekend. He was so sweet. We went on our first golf outing of the year on Saturday and had the best time together.  What a nice break from it all, even if it was only for a few hours.