Saturday, April 28, 2012

First blog. Ever.

I can't believe it's taken me this long to write a blog. I love to write. I'm not sure I'm good at it, but I enjoy it. I enjoy getting my thoughts out, but not necessarily by saying them out loud. I read blogs often. I have for years. I read blogs about food. Why? I love food. I read blogs about children that I've heard about that are sick. That go through unimaginable procedures, treatments and endure in a way that only children can. I listen to the parents as they discuss the emotional roller coaster that they are on while caring for a child that is ill, yet remaining that positive rock their child can rely on. I pray for these parents because I can't imagine. I read blogs about people that have been injured in awful accidents and the will and courage that it takes to bounce back and regain their strength and reclaim their life. It's sad, but it's inspiring to me.

More recently, due to the forums I constantly visit with questions, concerns and just the need of understanding and support from women going through what I am, I read blogs about trying to conceive. I cheer for these women whom I've never met, yet I feel a bond with. Recently, it hit me, that I finally have that reason to write. To create an outlet for my emotions. To express the highs and lows of this journey that we're on. My husband is amazing. I couldn't ask for anyone so understanding and supportive. Of course I know this. It's why we've spent almost 11 years loving each other. It's why I married him. It's why I'm truly a very blessed gal.

Another reason for this blog. My mom. What girl can move through the process of trying to have a baby, the struggles and the pressure that come with that without their mom. The heartache of losing a baby that you only had a short time to even know existed before you hear that this baby, the one you thought would arrive the day before your birthday in July, 2012...isn't meant to be. I've relied on my mother for everything. Every decision. Every laugh. Every tear. She was there. In 2008, when I was 31 years old, I lost my 52 year old mother, to ovarian cancer. She was the bravest and hardest fighting women I've ever known. She wanted more than anything to know my children. I scream sometimes. I get so angry that I was robbed of her love and wisdom far earlier than either of us ever dreamed. I need her right now and not in a "she's always with you" kind of way that everyone always says. I need her, simple as that.

So I'm blogging now. Officially.

4 comments:

  1. Hey Suzanne,
    I clicked on your blog from ovagraph. I like reading ttc blogs too! Your post really resonated with me. I lost my dad when I was 12 and 1 year ago my mother was diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer. She is fighting hard, but I worry about losing her. My husband and I have been ttc since January. I want so badly to have a baby while my mom is still alive. I want a parent to help me learn to become a parent. I get angry that I have already lost one parent and now am faced with losing a second so early in life. I am not ready to let her go and the urgency of missing out on sharing this experience weighs on me with each month that passes that I don't conceive. I imagine what you are going through is very difficult. I am so sorry that you lost your mom. I will be rooting for you to conceive soon.
    Dee

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    1. Dee, I am so sorry about your mother. I wish you both strength as she continues to fight this battle. I always knew that I relied on my mother in so many different aspects of my life, but it really hits you when they are gone and I want more than anything to tell her that. I'll be thinking of you lots and hoping that you get that BFP very soon so that you can share that joy with your mom. Keep me posted!

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  2. Just started following you and am starting from the beginning of your blog. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom...a daughter always needs her mom :( I'm sad that you had to lose yours so early. I'll be praying for you and sending lots of baby dust your way!

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  3. Hi, thank you for following my blog. This is the first post I'm reading of you and I am very sorry you lost your mom. I lost my mom and my dad. I know how hard it is to want to call them, to want to ask them what they would do in our situation, what their thoughts are or just simply give them a big big hug...
    I hope you get the support we all need and the baby you want. xo

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