Sunday, April 29, 2012

Tears, laughter, and 180 miles.

This cycle has given us memories for sure. Two Saturday's ago we found out the previous cycle didn't work. I took that one the hardest thus far. I cried on and off all day. Memories of the miscarriage and where I "should" have been in my pregnancy completely overwhelmed me. I had such a strong feeling about that cycle and couldn't believe that we have to start all over. Again.

That week, Trevor had a doctor's appointment with an RE to have his numbers checked. I went with him, wanting to be supportive, but honestly, I was curious too. Counts were great. (whew!) I'm going to leave out the fun details, but after the doctor read us the results he proceeded to an exam. Not that weird, right? Prostate exam. Enough said. AND I WITNESSED IT! I have to say it will go down as one heck of a memory for us both! If the doctor was hoping to take some pressure and stress off of us, I have to say, it kinda worked!

This week, my ovacue monitor suggested my peak days would be Tuesday - Saturday, Friday being our most fertile day. Of course my husband was supposed to be 3 hours away on business Monday - Thursday! There was no way I was going to let this month be a bust because of a little thing like mileage. No way. I told my boss I had to be in Chicago on Wednesday night and I'd be working from there on Thursday. Thank goodness he didn't ask any questions!! So I drove to Chicago, had a fabulous dinner out with my husband and came home together on Thursday. It was great!! Maybe we should do this every month! Whether this month happens or not, I at least feel that we got all the days we needed too through this weekend. We'll see, I'm guessing I'll have ovulation confirmation by this evening and will start my 2ww.

Trevor's always had the mentality of "it all works out". He's always been better at believing that than I have. Maybe I've had more loss than he has, that it's more difficult for me to trust in those words. Though as I sit and think about how does it work out, I look at my friends and loved ones that have gone through their own challenges, I realize, that ultimately, things do work out. It may not always work out the way we originally planned. When I look at people I love that have hurt and longed for a family and endured more let downs than anyone should have to go through, and I see pure happiness in their face because in the end, it did work out, exactly as it was meant to. My husband said those words again last night and while I know that nothing will take away the "want" and the "need" each month as we continue forward in this TTC journey, I know that we will look back on this one day and know that it did work out. For now, at least today, I'm going to take comfort in that.

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