A lot (or at least it seems like a lot) has happened since my last post. I mean, if we were all confused before, you should hold on to your britches, because it certainly doesn't get any clearer. In typical fashion, everything has been nothing short of a hot mess.
My last recap said that I would start the mock cycle/hysterscopy regardless of "another" period. So last week, 4 days after my last progesterone pill, I was told to go in for an ultrasound and blood work to determine when I could come out for the HSC since I hadn't had a period. For whatever reason, CCRM refused to acknowledge the 5 days of bleeding I had while on the Prometrium as a period.
Well as usual, I know my body best. On cycle day 9 (from what I called CD 1) and only 4 days after stopping the progesterone and 14 days after my 3-week course of Estrace, I was ovulating. My labs were the following:
e2 - 1150
LH - 14.3
p4 - 2.5
Ultrasound showed a follicle on both sides, the one on the right being close to 26mm. Unfortunately, my lining was 3.8mm. (It's like my ovaries and my uterus are on completely different schedules)
My nurse at CCRM called to tell me that everything would have to wait for my next period. She couldn't understand why I would be ovulating. I told her the same thing happened last year on BCPS. I may have DOR, but people, I canNOT be suppressed. My ovaries just keep on going. Much to my displeasure at the moment.
I asked her what was the reason for the HSC being done on cycle day 5 - 13? I had thought that it was because it could 1) interrupt a pregnancy or 2) there needed to be a thin lining. I told her that per CCRM's instruction after my operative HSC, that we could have "relations" until after next period. So ultimately, there was no way I was pregnant.
Lets face it, if I can't get pregnant while having sex, we certainly aren't getting pregnant when we're not…
And obviously, my lining was thin.
After my begging and pleading, she said that she was going to talk to Dr. G about going forward with the HSC. After all, flights were booked, plans were made, even a little mini ski vacation was in the works. We were going to Colorado no matter what at this point. I was going to make darn sure that CCRM did something. I received a call back that night letting me know that Dr. G had said "lets do it".
On Sunday, we headed out to Denver. We spent the day in Boulder, drinking Bloody Mary's, shopping and enjoying the 60 degrees and sunshine.
Monday morning we got up extra early and headed up the mountain. I haven't been skiing in several years and I forgot how much I enjoy it. I cannot describe our time in Breckinridge any other way than for the first time in a long time, I felt pure joy. I wish I could have that feeling more often. Days where I don't think about infertility or the challenges we have faced these past three years.
My appointment at CCRM is going to be more difficult for me to explain. While we did not receive bad news. I walked away pretty defeated.
The structure of my uterus is back to normal
There is no more scar tissue
My lining is still very thin throughout my uterus
While I knew my lining was thin last week in the ultrasound, for whatever reason, hearing him talk about it was pretty hard on me. I must be clear though. Dr. G was fairly optimistic. We'll be starting the mock cycle with my next period. Which should be in the next week. I know they are throwing the kitchen sink at my uterus to get it thicken up. What bothers me, is I ovulated on my own and after all that estrace and progesterone, it was no thicker than it was before the surgery. I know I'm not out, but I can't help to feel like this is a bit of foreshadowing for what's to come. Call it a gut feeling or a feeling of always waiting for the other shoe to fall…or maybe I'm just in need of a really big win to start believing again.
I know that many of you will tell me that things are looking up. We're going in the right direction. And You're absolutely right. On one hand, I know this. He could have come in and said, sorry, no go. We're done. He didn't. Like I said. It's very difficult for me to explain my feelings on this.
We flew back to Indianapolis yesterday and I was still struggling with my feelings of hopelessness. I had a bit of a melt down in the car on our way home from the airport. What absolutely blew me away was walking into my home to a package from Just Another Infertility Blog. I cannot begin to articulate how much she helped me by her kindness and thoughtful gift. A million thank you's to her.
Have you ever seen cuter socks!?!?
A million more thank you's to all of you that have sent me emails and texts this last week. It warmed my heart that even without updating my blog, you all remembered me and what we had going on. Nothing has made me feel more special through all of this, than all of you ladies.