Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Only Kindness Matters

It's been almost 2 weeks since my last post and even after two consults/regroups with doctors, a natural cycle and vacation, I still don't know where to start or what to say.

CCRM Regroup - Dr. Gustofson

My first regroup was with Dr. G at CCRM (via phone). It went fine. There was nothing surprising and I didn't learn anything I didn't already know.

- My mock cycle was not favorable
- He too, was shocked by my positive Beta 3 Integrin results
- We can move onto an FET with my next period
- We can do a low-dose stim cycle to see if that yields better results
- My chances of success are low, he does not believe my Ashermen's can get better than it is right now
- He isn't concerned about my TSH levels, rechecking those tomorrow
- "Cystic" uterus was just fluid, it can be aspirated prior to transfer.
- If my FET lining is looking too thin, I can convert to an IUI if I have less than 5 follicles (that shouldn't be a problem
- My risks are high for placenta accreta which could lead to a hysterectomy
- He does not recommend transferring more than 1 embryo for this reason, carrying twins could be a "disaster" for me

California Fertility Partners Consult - Dr. March

Later the same day, I had a call with Dr. March. He's one of the top 2 doctors in the country for Asherman's Syndrome.

- Actually believes my scarring came from my laporoscopy/hysteroscopy procedure last February when the doctor perforated my uterus. A common occurrence, but can sometimes cause problems, the D&C probably just exasperated the issue.
- Fluid in the uterus almost always means there is still scarring
- OBGYN's are like motherhood and apple pie with D&C's, "If an OBGYN was standing over my grandmother's grave, he would want to preform a D&C on her"? Strange way to put it, but it was funny.
- He was happy to hear I started the Trental/Vitamin E protocol
- Viagra is worthless, he's seen it work 0 out of 10 times
- It did sound like he was saying my uterus could use some additional "fixing".

He has a direction that he's leaning in my case. Unfortunately, CCRM never sent my medical records. He really wants to see those and will call me back once they've been reviewed.

So we have some decisions to make. Do I move forward with the FET right away? If Dr. March thinks that it's worth me coming to California, do we try that first? Do I do the FET then see Dr. March if it doesn't work? Obviously my next phone call with him will give me more information. But this is why I've been stumped on what to write about…because really, I'm not sure about anything right now.

Last week we were in Florida for vacation. My mother-in-law turned 65, and for her birthday, we spent the week with her. She lives there, so it's a nice way to get some beach time in, and get a visit in at the same time (without having to spend a lot of money, which is a plus when you're teetering on the edge of a gestational carrier).

Here are a few of my favorite pics from the week




It was a great trip. Maybe not the best vacation since it wasn't just T and I, but still, a really nice time away. 

Sadly, I had hoped we'd be able to try on our own over vacation. Even when I wasn't having periods last fall, I was still ovulating. However, we prevented all these months because I didn't want to ruin my chances by getting another ectopic. Now, the one month I decide to go for it, I don't seem to be ovulating. No positive OPK's and my temps actually dropped this cycle from where they normally are. So no BBT confirmation either. Kind of a bummer. 

And to a very special person that gave me such a wonderful gift this past week, you know who you are…I'm truly blessed to have this amazing place where I have met such strong, resilient, kind and loving women. I am thankful that I will never know what it's like to be alone in this journey. 








24 comments:

  1. Ok first of all, I have to say you guys are such a good looking couple! Great pics!

    It sounds like the REs have a lot to say which is a lot better than wondering and not having any answers at all. I hope that you have even more answers soon. I am sending you the absolute best vibes and positive energy as you move forward.

    Glad you got to enjoy a nice little vacay, even if you weren't alone :)

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  2. "placenta accreta"- AHHH! googling now.

    Dr. March sounds A-mazing. I kind of love him already. I'm using his grandmother thing from now... so awesome.

    I'm stumped for what to do though... I have a feeling you're only going to want to try this once so that you don't lose your embryos. Sooo, it makes the most logical since to do EVERYTHING to make that one shot the best possible shot. But OMG, you've waited forever. Hard decisions that all cost a bazillion dollars. : (

    LOVE YOU!!!

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  3. I'm a Dr. March fan after reading this!
    I'm glad you were able to enjoy some beach time with your husband. Hopefully you will be able to wrap your head around everything the doctors told you so you can decide what your next step is. You're a strong woman. I will be thinking about you and praying for encouraging news!

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  4. Sounds like everything Dr. March said makes sense. So much to mull over and think about.

    I am glad you had a nice relaxing vacation, you both deserve it.

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  5. I am so in awe at all you've gone through, yet still have such an amazing, strong spirit. Wish for goodness and baby success to come your way.

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  6. Its good to hear from you!
    I am sorry that you have so many decisions to think about. No one should ever have to make so many difficult decisions, but I hope that you will be guided in the right direction to get you where you want to be.
    Love the pics of you and your husband in Florida! They have such great beaches there!
    Love the kindness quote too! So so true!!! I think I will be sharing that on my Facebook :)

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  7. I don't really comment much but am a lurker. I was extremely worried about Asherman's syndrome and did a lot of research about Dr.March. He is the person to go to and I would take his word as final over CCRM for this. The other expert is Keith Isaacson in Newton, MA. There is a Yahoo group for Asherman's you can search for and join and they have a lot of resources. I would suggest trying to see if your Asherman's can be improved with Dr.March before proceeding with a FET. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you so much for coming out of "lurk" mode! We definitely are leaning in the direction of Dr. March first before anything. I am a member of the yahoo group and have gotten so much information through them. Thank you so much for the comment. xo

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  8. That is a lot of information to take in and make a decision. At least you can go into this informed. Love your pics!

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  9. Suzanne! Do glad to see an update from u. It looks like ur getaway vacation was still a success even of it wasn't just you two. Love the pics! I think Dr March gave u a lot of information and it seems that he is extremely knowledgeable. Hope ur heart agrees with whatever u decide to move forward with.

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  10. You are such a smart cookie, getting the 2nd opinion on Asherman's from the expert on said topic. Sometimes, even the best RE's just aren't such experts in these more very specific issues. My RE would agree with Dr. March on the Viagra, although I know it does help some who are lucky enough to respond well to it. I know you and T will make a good decision no matter what, and I love that your frosties are just chillin away safe and sound while you take all the time in the world you need to make the decision that looks and feels right.

    Your quote from Dan Kelly made me cry by the way. Just adding to that, I think that seeing YOU succeed will be all the payoff in the world for that person who might have touched your soul with kindness. In fact, I know it will. ;)

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  11. Oh man, so complicated. I guess i would wait til the cali dr gets the records and see what he says and go from there...

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  12. I know you will find your way…and decide what is right for you. But if you need a sounding board, you know I am here. Love your vacay pics with T!!! You two look so happy. And I'm so glad that you received an act of kindness - you deserve it!!! XOXO

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  13. That's impressive that Dr March did such a thorough consult without having your full records. IMHO, I would wait for him to review them before making your next decision.

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  14. Well aren't you just the prettiest vacationer ever?!!! I'm happy to read you are getting straight forward answers, but - damnit - I wish all were favorable. I hope you and T are guided to the best next steps to bring your babies here sooner rather than later. You are so strong, Suzanne. Blessings to you!

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  15. Dr. March sounds amazing. I'm glad that you got some beach time.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with SO much.

    You look great in the pictures!!

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  16. Dr. March sounds like the perfect fit! I know there's so much that goes into making these big decisions though and it's hard not to second guess yourself. I'm praying that you find some peace while making them. I just returned from one of those much needed trips away! So glad that you got one and enjoyed it so much. Your pictures are beautiful.

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  17. Such a beautiful smile in your pictures, friend. You look fabulous!

    I'm glad you consulted with Dr March. It sounds like he definitely will be able to give you more information that I'm praying will be very helpful for you!! XOXO

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  18. Beautiful pics - I'm SO glad you got to go on vacation!!! I'm glad you got several opinions and hoping you get a peace about which one to take!

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  19. I would definitely wait on the cycle until you get the full consult with Dr March. You've been through so much and have been so patient. I think it's worth the extra time. Then you will know you aren't throwing a good embryo at a non-optimized uterus. I do think trying if things look ok is a good idea. Otherwise you would always wonder. Thinking of you lots.

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  20. I'm glad you had a good trip!
    The consults do sound confusing. As time shouldn't be a critical factor now (the embryos are already frozen), I'd probably try to get my uterus in optimal shape first if it was me.... although I know that having to put the transfer off again and again is hard.
    Thinking of you, and hoping that you find a way forward that is right for you.

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  21. Wow, Dr. March really sounds on top of his game. I would definitely see what he has to say once he gets your medical records and then go from there.

    I love your vacation pics! Even if you guys weren't able to try on your own, I'm glad you were at least able to get away for a bit. It's amazing how much good some sun and a beach can do to your psyche (sp?) :)

    Praying for you!

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  22. I am so glad to see your transfer happened today!!! That is amazing! My scarring was caused from my lap/hysteroscopy/d&c 2 years ago. My re said I had a little scarring when he did the surgery though. It's such a huge pain and so annoying!

    I'm wishing you the best of luck! I'm hoping to transfer this coming week but my lining isn't "plumping" quite like we had hoped it would! You make me hopeful this cycle will work!

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