This day has so many meanings for me. So much heartache, so much hurt, so much joy and so many memories. Most importantly, for the first time, it's a day of "what's to come".
Mother's Day will forever be bittersweet to me. Even when I hold my babies close, when they bring me flowers and pictures that they made in school, the day will be a reminder of what's been lost.
My joy and my memories of my mother are always in my heart. But there are times that I feel selfish...I want her here. I want her helping me plan for my babies. I want her to help me with the nursery. I want her to be the first one to hold them after Trevor and I. I want her helping to take care of them when they are sick. To be standing next to me cheering the loudest when they have a soccer game or a school show. I want her to meet Kelly. To meet THEM. I want them to know her. I feel like my boys are missing out on a grandparent that would have been on the floor rolling around with them and playing in the dirt outside with them. She would have been that kind of grandmother. This all makes me so very sad.
But...for me, I will get to finally be a mother. This isn't my first Mother's Day. Next year will be the official "first". But this year, I get to see that light. See that I finally will get to be called the most wonderful title that anyone woman could ever be graced with. Mom.
I'm also still hurting for my friends that are still waiting for that moment. For that light to shine on them. I want them to keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep being brave. It's what will get you through. I want to wrap them all in my arms and hold them tight. I want the pain to go way and I want them to finally have their dreams come true. This is my wish for you.
And to all my wonderful friends that are finally going to be celebrated after way too many treatments and years of struggles. Enjoy. Enjoy every single minute of YOUR day. I will be thinking of you on Sunday. I'll be smiling in honor of your joy.
Most especially, Happy Mother's Day to Kelly. For being a super mom every single day to her four children. And for being the best SurroMom that I could even have imagined for my little guys.