Thursday, May 21, 2015

Two Miracles and a Rainbow

*A request to anyone that reads this blog and knows me in real life. I am not ready to share this news with friends and family. So please, please respect that and let me tell this story in my own way and in my own time. Thank you! 

This has been a difficult post to write. We've been through so much heartache and loss and I had moved on from ever believing something like this would be possible. And we were and are okay with that. We have two perfect boys arriving in August. The way they were conceived and are coming into this world is an absolute gift. I can't even comprehend how lucky we are that we have them. And not just them...but Kelly. Kelly and her family are forever a part of our family now. And I wouldn't have it any other way.



Maybe this happened because my heart literally soars when visiting Texas. Seeing my babies and spending time with her amazing kids. Maybe that sent my ovaries (and uterus) into overdrive. So I will forever believe that Kelly is giving me my twins, my little miracles, but she also may be giving me my rainbow baby.

Several weeks ago...I got this...


I struggled with how and when to share this news on my blog. I feel guilty for one. Guilty for all of a sudden going from infertile to three babies. That seems way to lucky. Too good to be true. I had given up on dreams of a large family. I was thrilled with the twins because at least my children would have a sibling. This...is beyond what all my post-infertility dreams could imagine. But with that, comes the guilt because there are so many friends that I want and need to have this kind of miracle. I hope and pray for them every single day and will never stop until everyone gets the joy of holding their child. I know how much I ache for that...and I know how much many of you still ache for that as well. All I can say is miracles really do happen. So please, please see this news of mine as hope that no matter how bad things are, no matter how hopeless things seem to be...you can and will beat the odds. 

I also have a history of loss. With two ectopics under my belt, a chemical and a blighted ovum...I needed to be sure before really coming out with this pregnancy. I had four betas early on...all doubled appropriately. But the blighted ovum back in 2011 really did a number on me. With that pregnancy my betas were great. But when we got to the ultrasound at 6w3d...there was nothing but an empty sac...no baby, no heartbeat. I was 34 years old then. Now I'm almost 38. I couldn't fathom this being a healthy pregnancy. 

Last Wednesday at 6w2d I had my first ultrasound. And this is what we saw...


A baby. An actual baby. In MY uterus. And best of all. It had a heartbeat of 120. I had never heard that sweet sound coming from my body before. It was amazing and emotional. Not just for me and my husband, but for the doctor that has so kindly treated me so well through all my years of monitoring me for CCRM, doing IUI's and now this...Midwest Fertility I'm happy to say, is probably one of the most compassionate and kind clinics I've had the pleasure of being a patient at. And even with a natural pregnancy, they didn't even question following this pregnancy and absolutely embracing me. These are the people that know me. That saw me for every blood draw for CCRM, for every heartbreaking ultrasound...but never got the credit...good or bad for my treatments. But they are probably the clinic that I will hold closest to my heart for the way they have treated me. They cried tears of happiness for me these past few weeks. I love them for that. 

This past week, I got hit with symptoms. PREGNANCY symptoms. I've never had these before! My boobs are killing me and wow I am nauseous literally 24 hours a day. It sucks!! And I love it!! I can't believe it and I'll take every crappy moment!! For moments like today...


When I got to see "Baby C" and how much he or she grew! At 7w3d the baby is measuring three days ahead with a heart rate of 164. The doctor said everything looks perfect. He's so shocked!! I mean...seriously...who isn't!? He said that if this all works out, I will be one of his most favorite stories ever. This is supposed to be impossible. This is supposed to be a less than 1% chance. We used donor eggs. We used a surrogate. I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve. I have Stage III Endometriosis. And the biggest kicker of all, as if those weren't enough...I have Asherman's Syndrome. I'm no where near out of the woods. But I couldn't wait any longer to share this with the people that have supported me from day one. 

And honestly...it's overwhelming. We have twins coming in August. And if things continue to go well, I'll be half way through this pregnancy. I'm going to have three babies under six months old. It's crazy!! I have no idea how we'll do it. But even though I know there are going to be some hard times ahead of us...I'm so happy. We both are. Thrilled actually. That our family will be absolutely complete in every way we could have ever imagined. 





63 comments:

  1. Oh. My. God. Wow!!!! I'm in 100% total shock as I am sure you are too, but soooooo happy for you!

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  2. I love this so much I can hardly breathe! SO, SO, SO happy for you! If anyone deserved miracles by the buckets, it's you. Continuing to hope that Baby C rocks his/her appointments! Love you, sweet friend!

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  3. YES YES YES YES! I love this SO much!!!!!!! You need to get rid of ALL guilt, because that is all from the enemy. Enjoy EVERY second of this journey. Embrace it - it's YOUR story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God is so stinking good I can't even handle it!!!!!

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  4. I'm in a state of shock and absolute delight. No words can truly state how amazingly happy I am for you and your family. You have the craziest journey but I guess this was meant to be YOUR journey. Congratulations on these wonderful miracles and blessings in your life! - Thin lining girl

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  5. I am usually a silent stalker but I am so excited for you! Congrats! What a blessing. Do not feel guilty-i am 38 with diminished I ovary syndrome and this just gives me hope! Prayers for you and your growing family.

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  6. I am usually a silent stalker but I am so excited for you! Congrats! What a blessing. Do not feel guilty-i am 38 with diminished I ovary syndrome and this just gives me hope! Prayers for you and your growing family.

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  7. I have chills!! So happy for you!!!

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  8. This is the best news!!! I couldn't be happier for you and T. Can't wait to read along on this journey (if you still have time to write?!)

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  9. I can't imagine better news. AHHHHH. As others have posted, you have earned the right to be completely and utterly happy, not guilty. You've been through hell and now THIS. This is incredible! And Midwest Fertility is just the greatest and I love that they are part of your story!

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  10. I've been a blog lurker for a few weeks now but wanted to thank you for sharing so much! I am so incredibly happy for you and hope this pregnancy continues on a healthy and smooth course. So glad the boys are doing well! Your post provided such a happy ending to a long day! I'll be out here lurking and cheering:)

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  11. I have read your blog for years, I'm due just around the same date as your surrogate, and I finally have to comment and say how very very very wonderful this is. You're truly going to be blessed with the most amazing family ❤️ Your 3 perfect babies were waiting for you, and now you will get them all so close!!

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  12. Wow! Your heart and arms are going to overflow. My most heartfelt congratulations!

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  13. You know how I feel about your wonderful news. Amazing! And I'm so happy for you. Can't wait to meet your miracle babies when they're all in your arms. Love you!!!!

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  14. I am sobbing! Oh sweet friend I pray this is your rainbow! I am thrilled for you! What a miracle.

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    1. I've read your post three times. This is simply beautiful!

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    2. I'm reading it for the third time, too!

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  15. Wow, that is crazy and awesome at the same time. It is a great story to share and give others hope.

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  16. I am in tears at my desk at work. How amazing! What a special and unique story your family is building.

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  17. I have chills!!!!!!!! This brings me so much happiness! You deserve this!!!!!!!

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  18. I have chills!!!!!!!! This brings me so much happiness! You deserve this!!!!!!!

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  19. AMAZING! God works in mysterious ways! ‎

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  20. This was one of the last things I even thought I would see. How amazing is God and how perfect is his timing. Couldn't be more happy for you and your deserving family. I will continue to pray for you in the weeks/months to come.

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  21. I LOVE these kinds of unexpected wonderful news!!! I am beyond thrilled for you and your little/big family to be. Prayers that everything continues just perfectly!!

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  22. This is AMAZING! Truly a miracle. I can't imagine! Lol. Wow. Amazing! And I am so thrilled for you!

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  23. this is amazing news. Congratulations! This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so very happy for you. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and your boys arrive safe and sound. You're gonna have your hands full!

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  24. I am soooo happy for you...words cannot express my happiness! You were so truly blessed with the twins, and now that you get to experience pregnancy yourself...for all it's beautiful craziness, it's so...amazing!

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  25. So incredibly happy for you!

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  26. So amazing my friend.I am so happy for you. This give hope for people like me desperately waiting for a BFP

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  27. I've already told you, this is my absolute favorite story EVER.....I am beyond thrilled and cannot wait to see you surrounded by those 3 babies on Mother's Day next year...a blessing of all blessings....so much love to you Suz...xoxo

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  28. Um...this is absolutely nuts!!!!! Couldn't possibly be happier for you. I literally saw this pop up on my phone this morning and called my mom to tell her at 6:47. (-: My heart has been dancing all day with this news.

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  29. That's about the best reason one could have for writing a difficult post - congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you. In the end, the time with your babies is way more important, but pregnancy is a special experience and I'm thrilled to see you are getting there.
    3 babies under 6 months is going to be challenging... is there anyone that can come out and help you, especially for the first few weeks when the youngest is a newborn? Or maybe you could consider having an au-pair in your family?
    Many hugs, enjoy this very special year!!

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  30. Oh my gosh! This gave me goosebumps!! I am so incredibly happy for you and your husband! Congratulations! I will be praying so hard for this sweet little baby to continue to grow healthy and strong!

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  31. I have read your blog for a long, long time and never commented but WOW! I am thrilled for you guys and will keep you in my prayers.

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  32. I am still speechless lol and still love this wonderful news. Like I said before u will be a pro by the time BABY C comes into the picture. (: praying for u dear friend u deserve this so much.

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  33. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I have eyes full of tears as I read this. Congratulations! I can't wait to read every step of this beautiful journey with 3 littles on this blog.

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  34. Love love love! You are so deserving of this! Congratulations and many prayers for all THREE of those babies!

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  35. Love love love! You are so deserving of this! Congratulations and many prayers for all THREE of those babies!

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  36. This story of yours.... It just gets better and more amazing every time I hear it!!! I love you, Suz, and truly- no one deserves these blessings more! XO

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  37. Wow, wow, wow! I almost commented on your shower post the other day to say that you looked beautiful and even seemed to have that "pregnancy glow," but I was worried that would seem insensitive. How funny (and amazing!) that you actually DID have the pregnancy glow :D Congratulations!

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  38. Holy cow!!!! Congrats!!! I am in a happy shock!

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  39. I love this SO much for you guys!! A true full house is on your way. What an insane miracle. YOUR JOURNEY TO A BABY BUMP!! EKKKKKK. This will be the coolest set of practically triplets ever!!!

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  40. I'm still crying my eyes out for you. Suzanne, if only I could hug you in real life. I am so incredibly and utterly happy and excited for you!! You deserve nothing, absolutely nothing more. Yes, it's going to be tough and feel free to message me, since while not exactly the same, this fall I'm going to have a toddler and twins and I'm scared about that too, but it's a short time for a lifetime of your 3 precious kiddos. I'm so beyond excited for you!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

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  41. This makes me cry tears of happiness for you! That's so so SO wonderful! Baby C! Love it!

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  42. I read this last night, and thought I'd better wait until today to comment, in case this was just a dream or something. But here I am back at your blog address and…. YOU ARE PREGNANT (against ALL odds).
    And three babies! Wow. I'm sure I'll find something more eloquent to say in time, but I'm just shocked. And thrilled for you that you have BABIES arriving soon.
    sending love.

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  43. I cannot believe this!!! I have been following your story/blog for years now. Wow. Wow. Wow. What a story! So happy for you!

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  44. Amazing news!! God is soo good!! Such a miracle!! Congrats Mama!! I hope you're enjoy experiencing pregnancy! It is such an amazing gift!!

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  45. So happy over the moon for you!!!! I am thrilled for you and your upcoming big family!! Can't wait to hear more updates!!

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  46. The most beautiful thing I have read all week! So many positive thoughts and prayers coming your way - you very much deserve all the happiness!!!

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  47. Oh my goodness! CONGRATULATIONS!!! This is so wonderful, amazing, you name it! I am so excited to watch the upcoming months for you and your growing family!!! Yay!!!!

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  48. WOW!! How truly amazing. This is just incredible and I'm so thrilled for you!!

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  49. I love this! I was thinking back to past posts: a picture of you & K + your bellies or how everything just fits. All around 5-7 weeks ago! Amazing! God is great. Congrats to you and your family, you guys are so deserving! :)

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  50. Absolutely the best news ever! So shocked amd happy that the tears started flowing. Congratulations - this happiness is well-deserved!

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  51. Fabulous and unbelievable!!! Now, take my advice. SLEEP now. Take long weekends and take naps…then eat and sleep more. ;)

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  52. AMAZING NEWS! I need to start blogging again to stay in touch. I am so happy and in tears for you. I will be praying until your rainbow is here!

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  53. Soooo happy for you!!!! Been following your journey for a couple of years and I'm just so glad you're getting your dream family. Also, I want to thank you for sharing this news because it gives me hope that miracles do happen and hopefully it'll happen to me one day. Best wishes! "Hugs"

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  54. I admit it, I stalk your blog regularly. Even tho I've got 3 grown kids in their 20's already and have never experienced what you have, your story is so captivating and now, even more so!!! Get ready for the barrage of questions you're going to get every time you step out the door with newborn twins and a giant pregnant belly!!! Congratulations:)

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  55. So, so happy to read this exciting news! I am crying so many happy tears for you. You are amazing and what a wild ride you will have, but you will do great. If it makes you feel any better, the first 3-4 months of twins is the hardest, so at least you'll have that out of the way before Baby C arrives. :-)

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  56. So, so happy to read this exciting news! I am crying so many happy tears for you. You are amazing and what a wild ride you will have, but you will do great. If it makes you feel any better, the first 3-4 months of twins is the hardest, so at least you'll have that out of the way before Baby C arrives. :-)

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  57. How are you doing angel ? U haven't posted in a while. Just checking ~Marie

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  58. oh my goodness! How did I miss this post?! This is amazing and I can't stop giving God all the praises! This just goes to show that doctors can only do so much. But God. God can and will do anything. He is awesome! I am just so happy for you!! xo

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  59. YES!!!! I am so happy for you both Suzanne & praying for a healthy pregnancy! :)

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  60. I found you through Caroline @ In Due Time. Wow! Just wow! So cool. Congratulations on having the coolest pregnancy story ever! I can't wait to continue following your journey.

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