Friday, April 29, 2016

My Story.

I'm just going to start with, my story has a happy ending. There were many days, months and years that I wasn't sure it would.

My story truly began 15 years ago when I met my husband. Because my happy ending wouldn't have been possible without him. We've been married for 5 years, and we spent 4 of those 5 years battling infertility. We're one in eight.

In 2011 shortly after we were married, we began trying to conceive. We had recently had an ectopic pregnancy while on an IUD, so surely, getting pregnant would happen to us. And it did. Three months after trying, we got those infamous pink lines that we were hoping for. The happiness didn't last. Just a few short weeks later at our first ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. No baby. What they call a blighted ovum.

It took 2 separate D&C's to resolve the pregnancy as I wasn't miscarrying on my own. All of 2012 we tried. Tried with meds, tried with medicated IUI's. Tried with my OBGyn and with my first of five fertility doctors. By the end of 2012, I was finally diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. I was told the only way I'd ever conceive would be by using donor eggs.

I was devasted. The doctor we were seeing at the time wasn't even willing to try IVF or any treatments using my eggs. From here we saw more doctors, two more in Indianapolis and finally one in Chicago that preformed our one and only round of IVF. Which was devastatingly unsuccessful. By this point we were already talking with CCRM. One of the most renowned clinics in the country. We traveled to Denver, Colorado and made the decision to use donor eggs. It seemed crystal clear and after all, what we wanted was a baby to complete us and our family. The DNA didn't matter.

We had another surprise though. A few weeks later we found ourselves naturally pregnant again. Unfortunately, we knew rather quickly that this pregnant was not viable. What I never expected was the drastic consequences that would come from this pregnancy. The D&C that was preformed damaged my uterus. Before we knew this...our egg donor was already cycling for us. We were thrilled when we found out we had SIX embryos. They were ours. Just waiting for my body to heal from the D&C and then we could finally transfer one of those precious embryos into me. However, my body wouldn't heal. I had significant scar tissue from the D&C, maybe from the multiple D&C's over the years.

For months we tried with specialists and treatments to correct the issue. We finally tried a transfer but with low chances of success. To no avail. We knew the only way our precious embryos would ever make a baby was by using another uterus. A healthy uterus.

And then we met K. Through the love and friendship of Dreaming of Dimples I met the woman that would carry our babies. TWINS. Twin boys! And that experience was such a blessing. She is our family. Her children and husband are our family. They always will be. What they gave priceless in so many ways.

I truly believe that doctors can only know so much about our body. We were told we had less than 1% chance of conceiving even with medical treatments. I had been taken completely out of the equation. My eggs, my uterus. But somehow, half way through my surrogates pregnancy...we got the absolute shock of our lives.

We were pregnant. On our own, completely natural. My egg and my uterus...had a little left to give.

And thank god it did. Because our life maybe completely chaotic and night and day different than what it was like a year ago...but only in the best possible way. We stay home 95% of the time these days. We don't go out to restaurants...or at least it's pretty rare, and we rarely get date nights. But we are a family of 5. And while, I still struggle to believe that this is real. I know that I will always be infertile. I will always remember the days that infertility consumed me. The tears, the heartache, the hope and then the constant let downs. I know that we've "beat" infertility. Our family is complete. But what we went through will always be a piece of me.

I have friends that still struggle. And this community that I have been apart of for these past 5 years, I could have never put one foot in front of the other without them on my darkest days. I hope that the women that find my blog, that have similar issues, can find information, comfort and most importantly...hope in my story. Miracles do happen. 

So chaotic little family of 5, is more than I could have ever dreamed of. 


  1. I simply love your story Suzanne. It truly warms my heart.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story with others! You all are an amazing example of never losing hope and the miracle of our awesome God. Love to you all!

  3. Suzanne. Your story never gets old. I could read it over and over each and every day and being so filled with hope and excitement each and every time. I love sharing it with others too. So glad that you have your three miracles. I am so thankful for you and your friendship and have been so honored to follow your journey! Thanks for joining the link up too

  4. So glad you got your happy ending after all you've been through

  5. Love this. Exactly what Caroline never gets old.

  6. I agree, it never gets old reading your story and I smile (and cry) every time I do. I am just so genuinely happy for you and I hope others will continue to be inspired by you.

  7. So happy for your happy ending!

  8. Wow!! What an amazing story. God is a God of miracles for sure!! <3

  9. your story is so beautiful! I can't hold back my tears, reading it. I also couldn't carry baby by myself. surrogacy was the best option for us. I had surrogacy in 2014 in Ukrainian biotexcom. my baby girl was born in January 2015. she's 1,6 yo already. time flies by so fast! when I was 15 I have undergone heart surgery. I wouldn't survive without it. I've got pregnant when I was 22 yo. we wanted this baby and we planned it. I knew about risks. my doctors told me I'm crazy if I leave a baby. my heart could not stand pregnancy. it might cause problems not only to my health, but baby's health as well. also doctors told me there is high possibility I might die. all this scared me to death! but after long discussion with my dh we decided we should make it. I don't know if I regret about this decision. I don't know maybe I would regret my whole life if I made an abortion on early term. unfortunately doctors made me to terminate pregnancy on 6th month. I had dyspnea, edema, blood circulation disorders. I felt pain in chest. my heart was in pain not only because it was hard for him to work for two, but also because I knew I should make my choice. my life or death of both me and the baby. unbearable pain had never left me. surrogacy was our last chance to become parents. now I have no regrets! we are so happy we have our little princess. we're lucky there are women and doctors, who can help us with our problem. I can't imagine my life without my precious girl! I'm happy for you and your family! I'm glad your story has a happy ending. I wish you and your kids all the best!

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