Sunday, July 14, 2013

Beach, birthday, 12 years together...and a miracle

It's going to take me a few days to catch up with my blogging. I promise, I will though.

Our vacation to Anguilla was simply amazing. We were right on the ocean in an open air room at a resort that was the ultimate "kick back, relax in the most serene, secluded, beautiful" place you've ever seen. It was exactly what we needed. We went snorkeling. We laid on the beach. We ate fantastic food and we drank rum punch! Infertility was pushed aside and we made our trip just about us.

My birthday was perfect. Just Trevor and I...well and a few dolphins. I've always wanted to swim with dolphins. So, this year, I did. It was super corny, I know, but hey, consider it checked off my bucket list. Trevor said he hadn't seen me laugh and smile like that in a long time which made him really enjoy watching.

That evening we had my favorite meal of the whole trip. They brought us champagne for my birthday and dessert. Then the local "celebrity" who was a professional cricket player turned musician came to my table with his guitar and sang happy birthday to me...and not in a cheesy way. It was the "Anguillian" version and there was a verse about wishing me joy. Cue tears. Couldn't help it. It got me.  Simply put...it was an amazing birthday.

Here are some of my favorite pics from our trip.

The boat ride from St. Maarten to Anguilla...complete with rum punch!

View from our room

Beach at our resort...dinner date night!

The cove where we snorkeled

Boat ride!

My birthday dinner

The crayfish was to die for down there

Omari Banks serenaded me with a beautiful version of Happy Birthday, look close, you'll see big fat tears in my eyes. Such a sap!

Day trip to St. Martin (French Side)

Another view of one of Anguilla's fabulous beaches

T & Me

Sunshine and another frozen cocktail

My daily spot on the beach with the view of St. Martin in the background

Having an absolute blast together...much needed

The "dolphin push"
If only I could have "Free Willy'd" them...I totally would have, but they really did make my day

The last day of our trip (yesterday) happen to be the anniversary of when we went on our first date 12 years ago. So most of the day was spent traveling and eating dinner in a crappy airport restaurant. However, we did take a morning walk on the beach and had one very special surprise before we left.



Now, I have to preface this with the fact that I've yet to barely crack a smile over this. I'm terrified and scared. I can't comprehend a world in which this will work out. I've been told over and over again how I need to move on to donor eggs and in our heads we had and really, still are because this isn't real yet. My eggs are awful, what eggs I have anyway. My hormones are all over the place, even THIS cycle they were wacky.

I know that this is a wall that I've put up around my heart because I'm so scared of being let down again. Things just haven't worked out for me these past few years on my journey to be a mother. But really, it's not going to matter how many walls I put up, I will be devastated if this pregnancy isn't viable. But still, the fact is...right this second, I'm pregnant...with MY egg. Something I thought would never happen. That's amazing in itself.

Tomorrow I plan on going in first thing for a beta. The digital says "pregnant". The second pink line is decent, at least for 12 dpo.

So today...fresh from vacation...(and crap, too much rum punch) I'm cautiously hoping that this is my miracle.

51 comments:

  1. I am in tears Suzanne. I don't think you have any idea how happy for you I am right now. I'm so gald you had the most amazing trip and an incredible anniversary ending with the sweetest surprised of all. Please, please keep me updated on your beta and everything. I am praying with all my heart and soul that is your lucky, sticky, miracle!

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    1. Amber my dear, you are so sweet. Thank you so much. Blood draw was this morning. Should know later today.

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  2. Oh my god! I haven't even read this yet because I saw the word miracle & I quickly scrolled till I saw it!!!! Congratulations!!! I hope this is the stickiest get stuck baby dust ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Awe. Thank you so much!! It's been such a long road and I can't believe one of MY little eggs actually pulled through for me, right under the wire no less!

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  3. CONGRATS! I will pray for you every day! I'm so happy for you! :) This is GREAT news!

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  4. Congrats!! I love all your pictures....St. Maarten is my absolute fave place ever.....and YAY!! So happy for you!! :)))

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    1. Thank you sooo much. We had a blast and I can't believe how it ended!!

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  5. Oh PLEASE, Jesus! Please, please, please! On my knees for you friend! No one deserves this more!

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    1. Awe. Thank you so much. For this and for being such a wonderful friend. xo

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  6. Ahhhhh, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

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  7. WOW! That sounds like a great vacation. And what a gift! BFP!!!!! CONGRATS! I really love your attitude, Suzanne. Yes, right now you are pregnant. One step at a time, but each step deserves to be celebrated.

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm trying to stay calm, not google and not worry (to an extreme). I was at my OBGYN's office when they opened begging for a blood draw. What a LONG day this shall be. :)

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  8. WOW! What a fabulous post! Thinking of you...

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  9. Oh my gosh!!!!!!! I have goosebumps and tears are streaming down my face! I'm so freaking excited for you! I so hope that this is it for you. With all that you've been through, you deserve this so very, very much! I will be praying daily for you Suzanne!

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  10. Praying with all I have, this is your keeper!!

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  11. I have the chills right now. I was using my app on my phone and immediately had to jump over to my computer to comment!! THIS IS AWESOME. Praise God. I love this because this proves that what the doctors say, don't matter. God's word trumps them and His word says none shall be barren. So excited for this little miracle and praying against the spirit of fear (God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, of power, and sound mind - 2 Timothy 1:7). Oh Suzanne, Enjoy this time! Praying for healthy baby and pregnancy and that you are at complete peace over this whole situation!!! And, can't believe you left this hanging till the end of the post! Ha, glad you had a wonderful vacay (gorgeous pics btw)and happy 12 years, that is awesome!!! ok, congrats xoxoxoxo Prayers for YOU!

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    1. You always have such an amazing way to put things in perspective. Thank you so much for all of your loving support. xo

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  12. PS I'm tearing up over here!! Hugs

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  13. OM, freaking G!!!! I'm so excited for you right now A) because you had a superb time and smiled a lot, but mostly B) because you have a BFP! Yay!!!!!! I cannot believe it. So happy for you girl, and hoping that everything is good with the upcoming BETAs. Congrats!!!!!

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    1. Awe. Thank you so so much. I was at my doctor's office FIRST thing this morning begging for a beta. Should hear later today! xo

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  14. Ahhhhh! Oh my gosh, Suzanne!!!! This is AMAZING!! Yay :)

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    1. Thank you so so much. It's been a pretty crazy weekend because I was NOT expecting this. I can't believe one of MY eggs pulled this off right under the wire. I hope it's for real! xo

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  15. Oh my gosh Suzanne!!! I am so incredibly happy for you and your miracle!!! I am sending you sooo many sticky vibes and a huge hug!! xoxoxoxo

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    1. I still can't believe it. I just hope it's the real deal. I'm so scared. I was at my OBGYN's office the moment they opened their doors this morning! :)

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  16. OMG! I am sooo excited for you! I've been wanting so badly for things to work out for you. I will be praying for a good beta tomorrow. If everything works out for both of us we will be due a few days apart - how perfect is that :)

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    1. That would be crazy!! I went in first thing this morning...it's going to be a LONG day!!!

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  17. Wow! That is so amazing. What wonderful news. I'm so happy for you and hoping for the best outcome...fingers crossed that this is the miracle you've been hoping for. XOXO

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  18. Praying for you!!! So exciting!!!

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  19. OMG! Suzanne, I am so excited for you! I'm glad you had an amazing vacation and you do look so happy in all your pics. I understand your hesitation about getting excited, but your tests look great and I am so hopeful for you for good betas and a sticky, sticky, bean. This is really such amazing news and I couldn't be happier for you. Take it one day at a time, and today, you are pregnant. Eek! Yay!

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm pretty shocked and can't believe after all this time this happened right when we were moving on to donor eggs. I was at the doctor's office when they opened begging for a beta!!!

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    2. I hope you hear back soon. I will be stalking for the results!

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  20. Amazing! Tears of joy are strreaming down my face. Extremely happy for you Suzanne. Praying that this is your sticky miracle baby.

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    1. Thank you so so so much. You have always been so supportive and it's meant so much to me. xo

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  21. OH MY GOSH!!!! How amazing! This entire post is like something straight out of a dream....and now it's a dream come true. So happy for you both! Try not to worry too much. You wouldn't be the first person to have struggles for a long time and then finally find the success that you've waited so long for. You so deserve for this to work out, and I hope more than anything you can just enjoy this moment, because you my dear are pregnant!!!

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    1. Thank you. I sure hope you're right. I'm staying off google, trying to just stay calm. Not overly excited, but not worrying (to an extreme) either. I was standing at the door when my OBGYN's office opened begging for a blood draw this morning. Should hear later this afternoon. Who'd have thought a little egg of mine would have come through for me right under the wire!?! :)

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  22. Ok I am seriously tearey eyed over this! I will pray this little miracle is the miracle that you have been waiting for! Over the moon excited for you!

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  23. Oh my goodness!! What a miracle indeed!! I know you are scared but just try to enjoy the heck out of it!! This gives me so much hope! They have been pushing us to move on to donor eggs for a while. Thank you for sharing!! Congratulations!

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    1. Thank you! I had even started getting excited about doing a donor cycle. I was told I had less than 5% chance at IVF with my own eggs. There certainly is hope. It's more difficult, for sure. But it can happen. Bestest of wishes to you as well!! XO

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  24. Love, love love this post. I completely 100% understand your fears. It's scary. This is miracle and I'll be praying that it continues to be just that. It's easier said than done but try to let yourself enjoy this pregnancy (I have to tell myself this every single day btw). Even if it's fleeting, which I do not believe in my heart for a second that this will because this story is just so perfect and meant to be, you will want to enjoy every minute of this time with your precious miracle. You deserve to celebrate. Congrats mama! This is absolutely amazing news!!!!

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    1. Aweeeee. Thank you so much. I'm trying really hard...I promise! :)

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  25. They sure do make you wait, huh?! Praying for you and those numbers!

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  26. This sounds like a wonderful vacation, but that surprise is the best of all! Fortunately I "missed" all the waiting and have already seen your beta, congratulations!

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  27. I am shaking as I type this...completely sobbing and shaking like a leaf. I'm not one to throw the word "miracle" around, but this...THIS is a miracle of miracles. Suzanne, I can't even express how happy I am over this. I do not have the words. This is one of those situations where I hate that we aren't friends in real life because I really need to give you a hug right now. And I'm scared too...just have to throw that out there. I'm scared for you just like I'm scared for all of the other ladies in the IF community when they get pregnant...which is why I am going to pray my ass off for you and that little baby. (I'm thinking God will forgive the fact that I said "pray" and "ass" in the same sentence. He gets that this is a HUGE deal. (-: )

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