Thursday, July 24, 2014

I met someone...

I just met someone that could be a life changer for me.

It's not a soulmate or life partner. I have him already. This is someone that could mean a great deal to both of us. It's someone that could be and we hope will be our gestational carrier.

I was so nervous. I mean, how do you prepare for this? I wanted to like her and I really wanted her to like me. A big reason why I wanted to meet her in person was because this could be the woman that carries our child for 9 months. The person that I'm trusting our child with. To love and take care of our baby in my place, because I can't. A woman that is willing to do this and then when 9 month is over, to lovely hand over our baby that we've hoped for and waited for all these years.

I wanted to be able to connect with her in person. Not just on the phone. Not just on email. But where we could both look each other in the eye and know that this is right. That together, we could do this.

And yes...I felt that when I met her and her sweet family.

This is a tiny, tiny step in this process. For this to become really, really real, there are still so much left to do.

1) All medical records of prior pregnancies must be approved.

2) After a few regular cycles, her and her husband must go to CCRM for the ODWU (one day work up) in which she goes through all the necessary medical testing and psychological screening.

3) Legal contracts must be negotiated, agreed upon and signed.

4) Only then will she be put in calendar for an FET cycle.

If that wasn't enough, there are many other decisions and factors to consider and agree on...

This is a financial stretch for us. I feel blessed that we've been able to save and be in a position that we can figure this out, but at the same time, it comes with great sacrifices. It is not easy for us and we are having to make some major lifestyle changes. It's (going to be) completely worth it, there are no doubts. But it's important to know that we will not have future children in this same manor. We can only go through one pregnancy using a gestational carrier.

So the question of how many embryos will we transfer has been asked. At the end of the day, with all we've been through, if I only have one child, my life will be blessed beyond belief. That doesn't mean that the thought of having two isn't very appealing knowing this is it. If I had to chose though, one healthy baby is my ultimate goal. I want her to be comfortable with whatever is decided.

Because of this, I'm starting to wonder if I should have CCS tested my embryos when they were retrieved. We were told that when using donor eggs, there would only be a 15-20% chance of our embryos being abnormal. That means 1 in 5 could be abnormal. That's if his statistics are correct. I am afraid of being faced with issues early in the pregnancy that could make us question what to do (or put our carrier in that position) should there be genetic abnormality knowing this is most likely the only child we will ever have. Would CCS testing take the worry out, even a little? I would love input from people on this. I'm also waiting for a response from the doctor on this subject. I'm sure I'll blog more about this as we try and make this decision.

T and I also squeezed in a little long weekend getaway and it was amazing. We felt completely rejuvenated and relaxed and it came at a perfect time.



I've so appreciated all the kind words in the comments, emails and texts I've received this past month or so. This was a hard decision to completely take myself and my body out of the equation...at least for the first 9 months. I want everyone that reads this blog, that cares about me whether it's because you know me in real life, or because we've become friends through our similar journey and have shared love and support over the years, that I am so very hopeful right now. More so than I've been in a very long time.  For the first time probably since the DOR diagnosis and most definitely since the Asherman's diagnosis, I feel like I could be holding our baby at the end of this.

And it's a beautiful feeling.





31 comments:

  1. Yay!!! LOVE THIS! I know it's a tiny step... one of 1.3 million left to go, BUT it's a BIG ONE! I'm so glad you got to meet her and that things went well! I'm so excited for you!

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  2. yes yes yes!!!! I have tears in my eyes. Biggest tiny step ever. I'm so excited for you. I don't have any medical advice for you as far as testing goes but I say if you feel it would give you the best chance at hold your baby in the end then do it. No regrets. XOXOXOXO So happy for you both my friend!!!!

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  3. Ahhhh!!! I'm SO glad that everything went well with your potential GC! I'm so excited for you sweet friend! xo

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  4. Huge step indeed! I hope this is the beginning of a memorable and beautiful journey to your baby coming home.

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  5. This is wonderful news!! Glad that everything felt right with her, that is just such a blessing! I am very excited for you :)

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  6. I am so glad to hear this! I hope that everything else that is coming goes as well as this did, and that you do have a baby to hold soon :)

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  7. That's awesome news!!!! Of course, I hope you have two, that would be the ultimate blessing, but I know how awesome one would be. More than anything I'm just so glad you're smiling and have hope. Here's to becoming a mom!!

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  8. That's great news. It's great that it feels right choosing this person. Hope that all other issues will soon be resolved so you can be one more step closer to having your baby.

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  9. Oh Suzanne, this is such exciting news! I love reading that you're feeling hopeful again!

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  10. Awesome news!! This is a huge decision, so glad that you're feeling so good about it!! Best of luck with this process!!!

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  11. Wonderful news! As for the CCS testing, it sounds like you have the time between now and when the FET would be done. Why not do the testing if it takes some of the worry out of the process? I'll be curious to hear what your RE thinks.

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  12. I'm crying. I'm just so darn happy for you and want this for the two of you so badly. It does my heart good to hear how hopeful you are!

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  13. Aww! I'm so glad everything went well and she was what you expected. I love to hear happiness an hopefulness in your voice.

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  14. CCS Testing....I did it because I wasn't sure I could handle any more disappointment. I wanted to increase my chances as much as possible after so many failures. I think it is worth the money because the last thing you would need is to spend all of your savings on a GC and not be putting in viable embryos. Statistics say 1 out of 5, but what if it was more? If you are running on empty on the emotional front of all of this (which IF/IVF can do) I would go for getting them tested.

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  15. Suzanne! This is wonderful news! I'm so glad you found her. �� Gosh, girl, decisions decisions... You have come this far; you have given this much. I would test if I were you, but WAY easier said than done I know. �� xoxo

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  16. I cried happy (hormonal) tears as I read this update! I'm so excited to read such an upbeat and hopeful post from you. Your attitude is absolutely perfect! It sounds like things are falling beautifully into place. I cannot wait to read how this journey unfolds for you and your husband.

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  17. I'm so happy that things are moving along with your potential surrogate. I hope you continue to "fly" over all of these hurdles and that you are holding your baby soon.

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  18. I read this at work and had to come home and comment (because I haven't figured out how to post comments on my cell phone). I am so so excited for you!!! Can't wait to hear more about this! I already know she is such a special person! I know first hand there are so-o many steps to get the FET in place, but if this works out, it will be so worth it.
    As far as testing... we at first weren't going to at first but we changed our minds because ultimately if we did the transfer and it didn't work, I know I would be upset with myself for not testing. That is how we came to our decision on that... and I'm so so grateful we did.
    With donor eggs I would assume they would be better than what I or maybe someone else produced, but like you say, you never know?

    Whatever you decide I'm sure will be right for you and I am so looking forward to hearing about this journey to your sweet beautiful baby!

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  19. This is such wonderful news, I'm so incredibly excited for you!!!! I know there are so many hoops left, but you are so strong and you will be holding that baby soon. Lots of love pretty lady!

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  20. This is really exciting! If you can unfreeze, test and re-freeze the embies, there is a lot that can be gained from the confidence of CCS testing. Not even awesome donors produce 100% normal embryos, so I cringe when I hear REs claim that testing with donors is a waste. You've waiting so long, and have endure so much, why not do what is in your power to give yourselves the best chance for a good outcome? (Sorry if I'm coming off a little too strong)

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  21. This made me teary. I have been thinking and praying for you a lot lately. I am so, so thankful that you feel hopeful and I am praying for a smooth process to get the FET started. And a healthy baby. Please, Jesus, a healthy, beautiful baby for you!

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  22. OH! I so hope this works out for you!! Can't wait to see what happens!

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  23. So happy to hear that you met your GC!! We chose not to test the embryos but we had two failed transfers before the BFP so who knows what would've/could've happened if we tested. It feels like the abnormality rate they gave you for donor eggs is a bit high but that shouldn't matter if testing will give you some peace of mind. You might also want to have the contract discussion prior to deciding whether or not to test. If you're all in agreement about how certain situations will be handled then that might change your decision to test or not to test. Best of luck, can't wait to hear more.

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  24. This is so exciting!!! I'm so happy for you! I can't imagine what a big decision this is for you and for you to have such peace just makes me so much more happier for you! Praying for you all! xo

    waitingforbaybird.com

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  25. I'm happy to hear that things are progressing with a carrier- very exciting stuff! If it was me, I would test the embryos. Money very well spent, if you ask me. You want the best chance at a baby as soon as possible.

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  26. Oh I am just so happy for you and T. I am excited to read along on this new path you are taking. I know it's not going to be easy to have another woman carry your baby, but you are such a strong woman I know you will do great. This is such a blessing and I so glad you didn't have to wait forever to find the right carrier.

    I would probably h

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  27. I have nominated you for the "Very Inspiring Blogger award". Thanks you for being such an inspiration to me and so many others! xo

    Check out your nomination here....
    http://waitingforbabybird.com/2014/07/27/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

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  28. I'm so very happy to read this, Suzanne! As for the testing, while I don't have any personal experience, I'd find it very understandable if you were to test now, even if that means some extra cost and delay. Either way, I so much hope things will finally go smoothly on your way towards a baby to take home!

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  29. Suzanne, we did a ton of research and asked tons of questions about CCS before our DE IVF, and I was seeing average abnormal blast rates of around 30% (but, there is limited data because so few people actually test young/donor embryos...) My RE pointed out that they know that even proven, young donors' egg quality varies, because they notice that some donors typically produce a twin pregnancy with a 2-embryo transfer, and other donors typically produce a singleton. In her words, 'so one donor is probably producing more like 50% normal blasts, and the other might be more like 80% or more.' If you can get more detailed info on your donor's transfer/pregnancy history, that might help you decide if CCS is a step you want to take? Keep in mind that it's not unusual to lose one or more blasts to the thaw/refreeze/rethaw cycle...

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  30. Suz…bawling….just bawling reading this post. That is all.

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