I just met someone that could be a life changer for me.
It's not a soulmate or life partner. I have him already. This is someone that could mean a great deal to both of us. It's someone that could be and we hope will be our gestational carrier.
I was so nervous. I mean, how do you prepare for this? I wanted to like her and I really wanted her to like me. A big reason why I wanted to meet her in person was because this could be the woman that carries our child for 9 months. The person that I'm trusting our child with. To love and take care of our baby in my place, because I can't. A woman that is willing to do this and then when 9 month is over, to lovely hand over our baby that we've hoped for and waited for all these years.
I wanted to be able to connect with her in person. Not just on the phone. Not just on email. But where we could both look each other in the eye and know that this is right. That together, we could do this.
And yes...I felt that when I met her and her sweet family.
This is a tiny, tiny step in this process. For this to become really, really real, there are still so much left to do.
1) All medical records of prior pregnancies must be approved.
2) After a few regular cycles, her and her husband must go to CCRM for the ODWU (one day work up) in which she goes through all the necessary medical testing and psychological screening.
3) Legal contracts must be negotiated, agreed upon and signed.
4) Only then will she be put in calendar for an FET cycle.
If that wasn't enough, there are many other decisions and factors to consider and agree on...
This is a financial stretch for us. I feel blessed that we've been able to save and be in a position that we can figure this out, but at the same time, it comes with great sacrifices. It is not easy for us and we are having to make some major lifestyle changes. It's (going to be) completely worth it, there are no doubts. But it's important to know that we will not have future children in this same manor. We can only go through one pregnancy using a gestational carrier.
So the question of how many embryos will we transfer has been asked. At the end of the day, with all we've been through, if I only have one child, my life will be blessed beyond belief. That doesn't mean that the thought of having two isn't very appealing knowing this is it. If I had to chose though, one healthy baby is my ultimate goal. I want her to be comfortable with whatever is decided.
Because of this, I'm starting to wonder if I should have CCS tested my embryos when they were retrieved. We were told that when using donor eggs, there would only be a 15-20% chance of our embryos being abnormal. That means 1 in 5 could be abnormal. That's if his statistics are correct. I am afraid of being faced with issues early in the pregnancy that could make us question what to do (or put our carrier in that position) should there be genetic abnormality knowing this is most likely the only child we will ever have. Would CCS testing take the worry out, even a little? I would love input from people on this. I'm also waiting for a response from the doctor on this subject. I'm sure I'll blog more about this as we try and make this decision.
T and I also squeezed in a little long weekend getaway and it was amazing. We felt completely rejuvenated and relaxed and it came at a perfect time.
I've so appreciated all the kind words in the comments, emails and texts I've received this past month or so. This was a hard decision to completely take myself and my body out of the equation...at least for the first 9 months. I want everyone that reads this blog, that cares about me whether it's because you know me in real life, or because we've become friends through our similar journey and have shared love and support over the years, that I am so very hopeful right now. More so than I've been in a very long time. For the first time probably since the DOR diagnosis and most definitely since the Asherman's diagnosis, I feel like I could be holding our baby at the end of this.
And it's a beautiful feeling.