Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Love

My heart is as full as it's ever been. I'm not even sure words can truly describe how I feel right now. While there is no doubt the outcome I'm hoping for, the love I have in my heart right now...is untouchable, whatever this next week brings.

First of all, for my husband, T. Because for four years (well, longer than that) he has stood by me, held my hand, wiped my tears and made me laugh. But most importantly, he has supported every decision and whole-heartedly embraced every direction that we've taken that has ultimately lead us here. I love you, T, infinitely, to the moon and back and then back again. You're my everything.

To Kelly for taking a chance on me. For communicating with a perfect stranger all those months ago. For the leap of faith and trust that she has given me in deciding to be a part of our world in one of the most special, kind and loving ways possible. These past few days have only solidified and confirmed how right this really is. She is not a stranger anymore. She's my friend. Undoubtably. And she's the woman that I'm so very hopeful will carry our child(ren). It was so very hard to leave her tonight. I hope she knows how much I care for her and our precious little embryos. I hope they decide to stick around.

I was asked if I felt a little sad yesterday being on the sidelines. The truth was, I wasn't on the sidelines. I was right there. Every moment. Not one time, did I wish it was me lying on that bed, receiving those embryos. It never crossed my mind. This was how it was supposed to be, and there was no room for sadness yesterday. The tears I cried were joyful and full of hope.

I also have so much love for this community. I would never wish infertility on anyone. However, would I be who I am today without it? Without YOU. The friends that I have made on this blog have given me a sense of peace. I would never change where my path has lead me, because I wouldn't have some of the most amazing friends and supporters that I could ever ask for. The amount of love that I received via comments, emails and texts moved me in a way I will never forget. I don't know why my journey to have a family has been so challenging. What I do know, is that I've been blessed that it has brought all of you into my life.

And to one of the biggest cheerleaders of all...Amanda I want you to know and ALL of you to know that the beautiful post she wrote yesterday had such an amazing impact on our transfer. Kelly was the first to read your post. She read it while lying in bed waiting for us to join her. With tears streaming down her face. Her first words to me when I walked in the room were "you have to read this". I did...and I cried. Then my husband read it, and he cried. To feel that kind of love and to share it in that moment prior to our precious embryos being placed into her uterus, well...how could I ever forget that? What would I ever do without you? I hope you know that I hope and pray for your baby every single day. I hope soon that baby is in your arms. Because trust me...you ARE one of the most deserving women and I am so proud to know you. I love you dear friend.

Jill, Jessah and my awesome sister-in-law, Autumn, you know what you mean to me and what you do for me. I wouldn't be here without you.

Something my mom used to say when her heart was happy was (and I have no doubt she's looking down with happy tears in her eyes right now):

"My heart sours like a hawk"

Guess what, Mom...mine too.







17 comments:

  1. I don't even have words. I'm so happy your wart is soaring right now and I hope those embies are settling right in with Kelly. You deserve your happy ending and I hope it's just around the corner.

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  2. I've been stalking for an update. Glad everything went well. I can truly hear happiness in your voice. Paying for you Suzanne & Kelly to have a healthy 9 months because I have no doubt she's pregnant with ur baby(ies).

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  3. You are already the greatest Mommy. Such selfless love. This post is filled with evidence of that. I am so filled with hope for you! To the tippy tippy top! Let's go rubies. Stick around cwe're all rooting for you!!

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  4. Oh my goodness. My heart is soaring too. I was already crying and them you brought up your dear, dear Mama. You know what Suzanne, we are just as thankful for you as you are for us. You are a pillar in this community and just such a precious soul. Love, love, love (as lots of baby dust) to you.

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  5. I'm crying and then I read Jessah's comment... wart is soaring. : )That's awesome.

    I kept thinking over and over again yesterday how incredibly proud of you your mom must be. Your mom was obviously such a beautiful, strong woman and it is so apparent that so much of your character comes from her. I know she would have wanted to share in these really special moments with you and Trevor, and get to meet Kelly, but I know she's really, really proud of you!

    I'm so thankful that you had these last few days with Kelly to really cement the relationship. It warms my heart so much to see her eating pineapple core and to hear she's worried about meds... she's IN this with you, and it just makes me love her that much more.

    Hoping and praying with every fiber of my being that THIS is finally, FINALLY it for you sweet friend. You deserve nothing but happiness from this moment forward. Love you!

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  6. This has to be one of the most beautiful things I have read :) There are such wonderful people in this community and I couldn't be more thankful! Praying that all goes well for the next 9 months!! HUGS

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  7. Lump.in.my.thorat. Oh my dear Suz, PRAYING with all I have and all I am that THIS is YOUR time. XOXO

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  8. What an amazing day, an amazing story, amazing love between all of you [wipes eyes with the back of her hand].
    Oh, little ones, you are so, so incredibly loved. Please, be strong, and hold for the many weeks it takes to grow strong babies.

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  9. I am just so overwhelmed with excitement and hope for you! Praying! xo

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  10. Cant wait to hear results in a few weeks. My fingers are crossed for you guys. K is a pretty amazing lady indeed :}

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  11. This post just makes me smile, and cry and smile :) So, so happy for you all. You are so very inspiring Suzanne...and Kelly...an angel...and T...just an amazing hubby. There's nothing more that I'd love to see than a positive update next week....you are in my prayers!! xoxo

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  12. i'm so happy for you suzanne! crossing my fingers and saying a million prayers those little embies stick!

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  13. I feel like this already worked and am looking forward to that confirmation!!!
    I totally understand not wanting to say goodbye to K. That was the hardest part with my cousin. I hated dropping her off at the airport and saying goodbye.
    But I know you will have even better meetings again with K, and that is so so exciting!!! So happy and excited for you!

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  14. I've thought about you a lot lately I'm hoping for great Christmas news.

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  15. This post makes my heart happy! So happy! I often thank the Lord for this journey and one of the reasons is all the girls I have met (like you) and as I read this post, it's evident that you have formed so many new relationships as well - with K, other bloggers, etc! God brings good, like friendships, even when life is so hard!!!

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  16. One of these days I will learn to grab tissues BEFORE I even open up your blog posts! My heart is soaring like a hawk for you too!! Cannot wait to read even more good news from you soon!

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