Monday, October 12, 2015

Sometimes things go horribly wrong

Last week in a few of my surrogacy Facebook groups I learned that a gestational carrier had a placenta abruption the day before her scheduled c-section and died. I don't know for certain the outcome with the twins she carried, but I know from a few posts, that things looked dire for them as well. This has been on my mind constantly since I heard the news.

As an infertility blogger, I've come across many women who like myself, have had to go to extremes to make our family. Donor eggs and surrogacy, while something that may not roll off the average person's tongue in day to day conversation, is a huge reality for me. And here I think about the two women that so selflessly put themselves at risk for our family and it hits me deep in my heart.

What if that had been us? What if something had happened to Kelly? How would I have lived with that? Death during childbirth isn't something you hear of often, but it does happen. And to think it happened to someone that wanted so badly to help another family that she paid the ultimate sacrifice.

I stare at my boys daily in wonder and awe. They are my light and they have my whole heart. It's never mattered to me that they don't share my DNA or that I didn't carry them. They are mine and I couldn't love another human more than I love those two little guys. So this tragic story makes me that much more grateful and thankful for what Kelly did for me. For us. She has a heart of gold. In more ways that you possibly imagine. My life is better because of her and her family...and not just in the sense of the boys that hold my heart in their tiny little hands. Because true honest and good people like that are hard to find, and the good in their souls reaches out and grabs you. Makes you want to always be that good.

I also read on some of the threads a few people talking about how you shouldn't be able to have a surrogate unless it's absolutely medically necessary. This also has sat with me. It was medically necessary for me. My doctors, not just at CCRM, but locally as well, all told need a carrier. But here I am, 28 weeks pregnant. And I feel guilty. Guilty because I wouldn't change a thing. Because knowing what I know now, I would still choose these boys. They are part of my world and were meant to be mine. I hope that Kelly never, ever feels like my pregnancy diminishes her and what she has done for me.

My infertile mind still struggles daily that this pregnancy is real. That the little girl is really growing inside of me. I'm along way from holding her in my arms, so I'll remain a wee bit cautious if it's all the same. But her dad, brothers and I are so very, very hopeful.

So yes, to sum up this post...I'm thankful on so many levels that Kelly was able to safely deliver our boys. While there were complications that I'll be posting about later this week, I can say that her and our boys are all healthy and happy. I wouldn't, couldn't have it any other way.


  1. It's heartbreaking that these horrible things do go wrong sometimes. It sure makes you appreciate even more the blessings when they work out. I'm so sorry to hear about that GC. People like her and Kelly are so selfless in what they do to help others achieve their miracles. It's just not fair sometimes when something tragic happens.

  2. Oh my gosh! How absolutely HEARTBREAKING! I can't imagine! So many people affected by that for years and years to come.

    So glad you've reached the third trimester! What a beautiful, beautiful little miracle you carry. Your boys are going to be the best (slightly) big brothers ever. : )

  3. What terrible news...we can never know the outcome of something all we can do is hope for the best. Glad everything turned out well for Kelly & the boys.

    Your baby girl is a true miracle & she's lucky to have u as her momma.

  4. This brings a whole new meaning to survivors guilt... :(
    Prayers for all involved...and congrats again on the boys and your precious daughter!!! You should NEVER feel guilty, even if the media says you should....

    Side note: I got into a comment battle on you tube with someone who was knocking surrogates... Its crazy the views others have...You never know until you walk that journey. we are not using a surrogate but were told we would need to, however we are trying donor embryos instead.

  5. What a horrible tragedy. I thought about your early posts about using a GC, where CCRM noted that most couples try to transfer two (or more) embies to increase the chances of twins in order to compelte their family due to the high cost of using GCs. Given the research that finds better and less costly outcomes with a single transfer with an euploid embryo, you would think it might encourage insurances to cover IVF, esp for GCs.
    While I worked in Connecticut I saw a case of a woman who had many health issues related to her inherited anemia. She begame pregnant with twins through IVF and unfortunately, all three died. Her life would have be saved by using a GC, and I beleive her RE bears responsibility.

  6. This is absolutely heartbreaking. I can't even imagine the pain everyone involved is feeling. Prayers for them....

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