You'll never believe this...

But my hCG level is officially LESS THAN 5!!

On one hand, I'm happy about this. I can put the pregnancy behind me and move on to my mock cycle as soon as I get my period which hopefully, is later this week.

On the other hand, my pregnancy is officially over. My last chance to have a baby with my egg, is over. So yes, that stings a bit.

I guess this is going to be a short update because honestly, I'm not sure what else to say. It's a weird place to be for me, sad that it's come to an end, but happy to move forward.

Oh, for the love of all things

My hCG is 6. I waited to go in and test till yesterday, hoping that a week and a half would have given it plenty of time to drop from 16. No such luck, I go back in on Monday. Major, boo hiss.

Trust me, I know I'm close, but 5 weeks to get my hCG down from a measly 179 seems a bit ridiculous.

Today is also a big day. In about an hour, I'll be calling CCRM and handing them over our savings for this donor cycle. It's all due before she starts stims which is next weekend. I didn't want to have any issues, so we're paying a week early.

Pretty anxious and nervous about how Goose will respond. Also nervous about fertilization. Dr. G swears we don't need ICSI. It's hard not to just want to go that route anyway, because it seems like that's the better fertilization rate. He says our fertilization rate should be the same, around 80%. I get it. I've asked a dozen times, and he still says he doesn't recommend ICSI for us, but we can always do rescue ISCI if needed. I should and (am trying) to trust my doctor that works with one of the best labs in the country. We went here for a reason. But still...I'm a gal with no eggs, and this is my best chance to get some, I don't want anything going wrong.

T started his three weeks of no caffeine or no alcohol. Especially with doing natural fertilization, he was told 3 weeks prior to retrieval, to stop both. The alcohol, while yes, he likes a good glass of wine or a crown and ginger here and there, was not AS stressed about giving up as his morning mocha lattes. (Well, and his afternoon ones as well) Poor guy was SO sleepy last night.

Lets be honest gals, for what we give up and put our bodies through...I'm not really feeling all that sympathetic! He can do it. I'm cheering him on and have promised no wine or vanilla chai's for me either these next several weeks that would rub it in. See, I am a good wife.

Everyone have a good weekend. Hopefully I have a good hCG report on Monday/Tuesday followed by a cycle day 1, finally!!

Goose starts stims in 9 days!!!

A good mother

I've been thinking lately...what does it take to be a good mother?

A good mother never gives up

A good mother is always brave

A good mother is strong because everyone around her needs her to be

A good mother is supportive, even when it's hard

So why will I be a good mom? Because mine taught me how.

No matter the miles between us, and for a lot of years, there were many...I always felt loved by my mother.

No matter what my choices in life were, her support never wavered. She never gave up on me, for a single second. Her wisdom and her compassion brought more to my life than anyone I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, or ever will, I'm quite certain.

She loved hard. So do I.

She was by far, the bravest and strongest women I know. Her courage and fight during her battle with cancer was simply inspiring.

I miss her. Today especially.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Thank you for teaching me, not to be the perfect mom, but to be the best mom.

16

That was my hCG today. A whopping 16.

It's funny. I was hoping for a number less than 18. That would mean that it was continuing to drop at the same rate. It was less than 18. I should be thrilled. I'm not. I'm annoyed. That means at LEAST another week at this rate, probably closer to a week and a half, before I finally reach less than 5. 

So...since that's all I have for what's going on with me and my reproductive B.S. We'll move on to our weekend. 

Friday night we had a super casual dinner out with T's sister. She bought us dinner for dog sitting a few weeks ago. Super sweet.

Saturday, we drove down to Cincinnati to see the AVP Cincinnati Open. I'll preface this with my husband has played volleyball since high school. If it's sunny outside and he's not working or spoiling me, he's at the volleyball courts. So we decided to go enjoy seeing the top players (and olympians) play only a few hours from home. So Kerri Walsh...the girl has won 3 gold medals. Had 3 kids. One was just  6 months ago, and here she is...playing volleyball...in the sand...in this:

Really??? One...I've had no children and my ass does NOT look like that. Two...I would never dive around in sand wearing something so tiny around my lady bits. That is nothing but unpleasantness. Hey, if you can rock it...go for it. 

Sunday, my bestie and I decided to switch up our normal brunch and shopping with a little morning kayaking. Okay, so we maybe did a little more floating than kayaking, but it was a great relaxing morning followed by lunch on the water. Then we still went shopping!

Then it was date night!!! Hubby snuck in this photo when walking to the restaurant. 

Monday we had tickets to see Mumford & Sons. How do you know when you're officially over the hill? You decide that the couch sounds much better than being surrounded by 25,000 people and opt to just "not go" and we couldn't have been happier home, snuggled up on the couch, with breakfast for dinner and catching up on Dexter. Perfect ending to our long weekend.