Tuesday, February 26, 2013

We're in the 4th quarter, with no time outs...

That's what I was told today...

I've spent a lot of today wrapping up consent forms, making sure Dr. Chicago has all of my labs, records, monitoring facility information, etc. I also had my post-op appointment this morning where I was told that I am most certainly have a Cipro allergy. Which is a bummer, because that's really a great antibiotic for a lot of things and doesn't typically have as many allergies/intolerances, as say, Penicillin.

I have had this discouraged cloud over my head the past few days. Maybe it's just the doom before heading into this process, knowing the costs, the risks and the disappointment can be so much greater. Also knowing in my heart, that my odds, just aren't good.

My post-op appointment we went over what I mostly already knew from surgery. I have stage III endo. Most likely, the endo has been zapping up my eggs over the years and is the reason for my DOR. The surgery was essential. I'm so glad that I had it done because otherwise, IVF would have been a waste. My left ovary was basically just doing a big fat nothing all this time due to the large endo cyst that was constricting it.

The plan is still the same. I start my birth control pills on cycle day 5. I'm currently 5 dpo, though my post-O temps aren't quite as high as they typically are, so I hope that means I did in fact ovulate. Otherwise, who knows when cycle day 1 will arrive. After 3 weeks on the birth control pills, I'll then start my meds around 5 days after the last pill. I'll be doing 450iu of Gonal-f and Menopur for 8-12 days. I'll be monitored here in Indianapolis and then egg retrieval and transfer will be done in Chicago after the trigger. Of course, the cycle will be converted to an IUI if I do not respond well enough to move forward with the egg retrieval.

I also set up acupuncture appointments for the next 2 months to coincide with the IVF. It's an extra expense, but I think it can only help and not hurt, so I have to give this cycle every chance I can.

This is just hard. I feel like everything I've wanted for almost 2 years is coming to a head in these next few months. I know that I'll be devastated if this doesn't work, and at the same time...feel that it probably won't. The majority of threads that I've seen most folks with DOR ultimately get pregnant naturally by surprise vs. ART. I really am having a hard time finding people with <.16 AMH that had successful IVF. So is all of this for naught? I'm I just throwing this money away?

It's probably normal to have all of these emotions right now, but doesn't make them less a reality regardless. Hubbers thinks I should just be positive.

Ha. If only it were that easy.

7 comments:

  1. They are so sweet with their "stay positive" comments, aren't they? My dear husband says it to me as well. Ahhhh! Thinking of you, friend. You've got a life altering two months ahead of you. You totally got this, though.

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  2. Your chart so far looks really good! FX as always, but glad you are preparing and planning for your IVF cycle. Yes, I know what you mean about how ultimately treatments don't seem to work well for DOR women. It seems to mostly be natural conception that works out or nothing. I feel the same way as I start my first injectibles cycle next time. I feel dead and empty inside. Going through the TTC motions with none of the hope or belief anything will ever work. However, somewhere deep inside there must be hope because we keep moving forward and keep trying. I HAVE seen BFPs in DOR women and it's possible your AMH is artificially low due to the endo. Maybe your body was producing less AMH due to how bad it was in your left ovary. We don't know. What we do know is you are under the care of a great doctor who has taken all of your data into consideration before coming up with this IVF plan and maybe you don't have faith in your body at this point, but have faith in him. That he knows what to do and that this will work out. *hugs* girl! I'm thinking of you and praying that this works out.

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  3. Don't you just love when people tell you to stay positive? They obviously don't know what is going through our heads, lol! I know our dh's mean well, but sometimes it's better to just not say anything at all. That one is almost as bad as the people who tell you to relax, it will happen. I am not a violent person but I seriously want to punch the people that say that sometimes lol.

    I think your chart looks really good too. Plus you bd right when you were supposed to, so fingers crossed that you still won't need IVF. I am so glad that you are happy with you doctor and are doing what you need to take the next step just in case. I have faith that this will work for you. I think the surgery was a great step in the right direction. One way or another, God knows how much you want this, I know you will get your take home miracle soon :)

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  4. I think you are living inside my head right now. :)

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    1. Uh. What med protocol are you on? I just spoke with the pharmacy regarding my meds. They have me on super high doses, but the cost far exceeds the "high end". Holy mother of god.

      It's funny, I think I look forward to your post most of all because I also feel like we're kind of walking in each other's footsteps right now. Hate that either of is here, but also thankful to have someone with me in this. xo

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  5. I was so hopeful when I started IVF in December. But now that my cycle got cancelled and I didn't respond to the meds, I can't seem to get the hope back. Every month I keep putting off our second IVF attempt. When DH asked me why, I told him because as long as that IVF is still ahead of me...there is a chance. Once we do it (since I don't think it is going to work), that means its over. Done. My dream of becoming a mom will be crushed. All this is to say, I think your fears and concerns are completely normal...as is your doubt. But in the end, it is in our heart to at least try this, right?

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    1. What protocol were you on? Dose of meds? I'm so nervous about the same thing happening. We have to believe that our dreams of being mom's will come true, but good lord it's hard sometimes, isn't it?! When is your next attempt?

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