4 Month Update

My precious little loves are 4 months old. While I won't have a true statistic update until next week, I can't help but post about how simply amazing they are. They both have such sweet and very distinct personalties. They've also started sleeping about 8.5 hours per night. Their very pregnant mama REALLY appreciates this little gift.

Meet Casey, aka Twin A

Casey was and still is a chill little dude. Even in utero. He spent much of his 9 months in the lower corner or Kelly's uterus curled up and super content. He has stayed true to those first glimpses of his personality. He's perfectly content being put down anywhere, but also absolutely loves to literally melt into your chest when you hold him. He has a lip quiver that will literally turn you into a puddle. If he keeps that little quirk, I'm pretty sure he could get away with anything. He's my sweet, sensitive soul. He's more reserved with his smiles, but when he does give you one, it lights up the room. I'm completely wrapped around his chubby little finger. He loves his bottle. Just check out those cheeks and you'll see that is no joke. He definitely is a bit rounder than his brother, but has typically been about 1/2 pound less than Britton. Curious to see if that is still the case come next Wednesday at their 4 month wellness appointment.

Meet Britton, aka Twin B

Britton was all over the place in utero, keeping Kelly up at all hours and giving nurses fits at the hospital just to keep monitors on him. He's sassy and full of spunk. He wants to be held. A lot. And not just held, but walked around. It's like an instant soother. He also has some of the most awesome facial expressions I've ever seen. No doubt this is my funny guy. He adores being talked to. One of his favorite things is sitting on his daddy's lap and this weird little "thing" they do. I can't even explain it, other than to say, it's hilarious and he loves it. He also loves baths with his mama. He likes to eat, but he's not necessarily a "finish every single drop, every single time" like his brother is. He's got chins for days (I've included a special picture just to show you how many), but he seems a little more dispersed than Casey with his weight.

Both little guys are getting stronger and stronger with their neck and back strength. I'm so so proud at how far they've come since their days as wee little things in the NICU!

It's still difficult to wrap my head around how blessed we are. I can't imagine these two not in my life. I can't imagine not coming home to them or waking up to their sweet, smiling faces. I wouldn't trade these moments in their life for anything in the world. I only wish I could keep them little forever. But then, I also look forward to all the stages of their lives. 

Here's how much they love each other...most of the time. ;)

Casey + Britton

When the boys were born in July, my posts were short and quick. I feel like it's finally time to share the whole story of when they came into this world. My world.

Our plan had been to head down to Texas on July 25th. That would have been between 34-35 weeks pregnant. The average time that twins come is 35 weeks. I figured we were doing good. Especially since Kelly usually went past her due date.

I had one last business trip scheduled for the week of July 13th. I was heading to Portland for a conference. Was excited that I even had a girls night planned with two awesome gals that have supported me through my diminished ovarian reserve and surrogacy. But...a nagging feeling that what if something happened while I was on the other side of the country was there weeks before the trip. It nagged me enough that on that Monday morning, July 13th, when I left the house with my bag packed for Portland, our dining room was completely packed with everything that we would take to Texas. Every. Single. Thing was ready.

Around 10 am I sat in my office (my flight wasn't until later that afternoon) I received a message from Kelly. She was at her regularly scheduled OB appointment and her blood pressure was elevated and she had protein in her urine. The OB wanted her admitted to the hospital and thought we should come to Texas. He said best case scenario the babies would probably come within a week. Worst case, around 3 days. (Did I ever mention this was Kelly's birthday!?) So I went into my super planning mode and within an hour had my flight changed from Portland to Corpus Christi and Trevor was headed home to pack up the car to drive to Texas. (This would be where my proactive planning/packing was REALLY helpful)

I was at the hospital with Kelly by dinner time and stayed on a little cot next to her bed the next few days. My husband's brother was kind enough to fly into an airport on Trevor's journey south so he didn't drive alone. They arrived the following evening.

While Kelly's blood pressure actually stabilized over the next few days, her 24 hour urine collection was extremely high. Like in the 5000's. So we knew that this was definitely pre-eclampsia. We were faced with decisions like do we go home and monitor? Do we transfer to one of the larger hospitals that has a NICU? Do we stay at the hospital with our OB that we adore, that knows us and our situation? We ultimately made the decision that on Wednesday evening we would go home with the plan to go into the MFM's office first thing Thursday for him to make the call as to whether or not she be admitted to his hospital to be monitored for the remainder of the pregnancy, or not. However, as we're packing up to go home, her blood pressure spiked again. The OB decided it would be best to keep her hospitalized and have her transferred. Unfortunately, the other hospital would take her because they were out of beds. So we were kept at the small hospital overnight to be monitored and hopefully would be transferred on Thursday. Trevor had came to visit that day and early evening when knew Kelly and I would be staying another night, he left. An hour or so later, Kelly started to have visual changes. Bright spots, if you will. Our OB had told me that if that happened, he wanted me to text him right away. I did and he came back to our room. He said his concern was that the eclampsia was getting more severe as visual changes typically meant it was getting to her brain. The best option was to deliver the babies.

He explained that while they didn't have a NICU and we were literally hours away from being 33 weeks, and she couldn't be transferred, that he would call in the Children's Hospital and have NICU teams sent for each baby. They would be delivered, stabilized and then transferred. I trusted this doctor completely. There was a reason we chose him and it was the right decision.

Right about that time, Trevor text me a picture of the beer he just ordered, you know, after his very long drive and finally getting settled for the night...my response was "you need to come back". HA!

The doctor did another ultrasound to determine position of the babies. We had still hoped that just maybe she could have them vaginally, but both were transverse and it wasn't an option. They started her on magnesium and began to prep for a c-section. We were only waiting on Trevor and Kelly's husband.

The great thing about this doctor and this small hometown hospital, was that they truly cared about this unique situation and experience. The allowed Kelly's husband, myself and Trevor all to be in the operating room for the birth. No other hospital in Corpus Christi had said they would allow that. I didn't realize how anxious I was until Casey was born and let out that beautiful cry followed by Britton who did the same. They were tiny...but perfect.

They were born at 12:14 am and 12:16 am on Thursday, July 16th. We had made it to 33 weeks by only minutes. Even better, the boys share a birthday with the amazing doctor that delivered them.

The boys were both stabilized and I requested that they be wheeled into Kelly's room where she was recovering before they be transferred. I knew it would be a while before Kelly would be able to see them again. I hope it meant as much to her those moments as it did to me. She was absolutely amazing. So strong, brave and quite literally my hero. Her recovery was hard. She had complications and had to have multiple blood transfusions over the next few days. I'm in awe that I was lucky enough to have THIS woman care for my babies in the most beautiful way possible.

And care for them she did. Because while small at 3 lbs 12 oz and 3lbs 15 oz, they were mighty. Their entire stay at the NICU was one of growth and progress. Not one setback the entire 23 and 26 days of our stay there. Those boys are healthy and happy because of her.

It makes me sad that I don't know if Kelly can be a surrogate again. I know CCRM would disqualify her because of the severe eclampsia. I know that even if there was an RE somewhere that did allow her to be a carrier, she shouldn't carry twins again. I will always feel guilty for this. Whether or not she hoped to do another surrogate journey or not, I would hate that we took that decision away from her. Because truly, she's amazing. Her whole family is amazing. And I'm so blessed to have her and them in my life always.

Nervous but excited!!! 

In the OR...and super anxious

Britton's first moment

Kelly meeting one of the twins as he's about to be transferred

My handsome little chunkers

a day of pure love

I have so many people to thank for giving me such a beautiful shower a few weeks ago. I truly was everything I could have ever hoped for. My best friend in the whole world Jill out did herself and gave me a perfect day. I have no idea how I'd have gotten through these past 4 years without her...and I know without a doubt, that she'll be the reason I get through the next 4...or 10 or 20...

If you ladies like a good DIY blog by a truly beautiful talent, you should check out A Handcrafted Affair. Not only is Nakia an amazing friend that I'm so lucky to have, but she also has quite the eye. She helped Jill with the decorations and styling of the shower and I personally couldn't have imagined anything move beautiful and perfect.

My good friend Lisa Diederich also photographed the shower for us. Something that has always bothered me was that there is not ONE photo of my mother pregnant with me. Not one. And I knew...that my boys would not have photos of their mom pregnant either. I didn't want to do a long maternity shoot with Kelly, Trevor and I. We wanted natural. We wanted the boys to one day see how much love was involved in bringing them into the world. And not just from the three of us, but our family and our friends. I want them to know their story...and embrace and love it the way we do.

Thank you Jill, Nakia and Lisa...for supporting me in this journey and creating lasting memories through these beautiful pictures. Here's just a few of my favorites.

Nakia made and GAVE me the beautiful mobiles hanging here as a gift for the nursery

Jill, Kelly, Me & Nakia

Kelly surprised me with a beautiful Pandora bracelet 

My mom's good friend Kathleen came from St. Louis to be a part of my day

Trevor & his mother

Me & my always supportive sister-in-law, Autumn who came in from Denver

Most especially grateful to Kelly for coming all the way from Texas to be a special part of our day. It gave my friends and family a chance for this pregnancy to feel just as real to them as it has been for us. I absolutely loved having her spend time with us at our home with our closest friends and family. 

The Boys. And 22 Weeks.

My little guys were doing great today. K had an appointment with the MFM doctor this morning and overall, it was all good news.

Baby A is measuring right on track and Baby B is measuring a full week ahead. They are both head down as of right now and we're hoping they stay that way to give her the best possible chance at a vaginal delivery. Her blood pressure was still normal.

The bowels are still showing up a little bright in both babies, but the doctor continues to not be concerned. With all the tests that we've done, he thinks there is very low risk of it being anything serious. I continue to try and take the doctors lead on this as both the OB and the MFM seem to not be stressing, which means, I probably don't need to be either. That said, it's just been a long road, and all I want, is both of those boys safe and sound in my arms by the end of the summer. So I'm hanging in there!

She's carrying these guys like a true champ. I'm so so excited that tomorrow, she's arriving in Indianapolis, to spend the weekend with us, meet our friends and family and attend our baby shower.

I couldn't be more thrilled to have her there. She's such a big part of the pregnancy and honestly, is a big part of my life. So I'm just so happy that some of our closest friends will have the opportunity to see how special she is. I'm also looking forward to actually having a baby shower...for ME! I honestly have thought the time would never come.

I'll leave this post with some of pics of my guys.

Hanging on by a thread

I'm struggling a little this week and I can't seem to find the words for my blog. So rather than worry over the "what if's", I'm just going to post what brings a smile to my face. 

Here are some of my favorite pictures from our trip to Texas a few weeks ago and let them speak for themselves...

Babies were the size of sweet potatoes!

Pretty sure I was replaced by none other than my husband with this little guy

It may look like I was replaced in her eyes, but truth be told, I'm still her favorite. :)

Pretty Ella

This girl rocks. Best big surro sister ever.

Taylor, Me & Ella

Love these girls

And finally...my boys...

Baby A

Baby B

Don't take my lack of words for something is wrong. K's blood was taken for the virus screening of CMV, Parvovirus & Toxoplasmosis last Monday. They told us they would have results in 5 days. I've pretty much kept it in the back of my mind up until this week. The combination of being crazy busy at work and things around the house seemed to make it pretty easy to get through last week. That was until this week when the results still aren't in...or something. They couldn't even find her file yesterday which could mean it's with the nurse or doctor...but still...that was 24 hours ago...and still no call. 

So I'm just nervous. So I'm waiting. Thinking all kinds of worse case scenarios. 

Or maybe I'm just sad cause I miss being in Texas, cause I'm pretty sure that's where my heart is...not just with my twin boys, but with K and her family.