I fear that I've put so much into this day that I'll still be disappointed in the end. Maybe it's been all of the build up over the last 3 1/2 months. After all, that's the longest I've ever had to wait to get in to a doctor before. Month after month I hoped that I'd be able to cancel today's appointment. Month after month, I didn't. Now as I sit here, 6 hours to go until I meet the man that I hope more than anything will give us the one thing that we don't have, but want more than anything. I'm full of emotions. I'm nervous, anxious, and scared. I'm frightened of the why's. I'm anxious to start treatment, any treatment and I'm nervous that even after all of the waiting, this too, won't work, or maybe it will, and then I'll move on to a whole other set of worries.
I think I'm set. I've gone over and over my paperwork. It seems it's all complete. There are no more blanks, nothing more I can add. I've printed 8 months of charts. I've even created a spreadsheet that's more of a snap shot of my cycles and meds that I've done. I also included everything that happened in my pregnancy last fall. The HCG numbers each week, the d&c(s), and how long it took for the numbers to go down. It's all there. I've even got a sheet full of questions that I know I'll be too nervous to ask. But I'll have them there in front of me, just in case. T is going with me. Thank goodness. (and yes, I even have his SA analysis in my little packet of goodies)
Still no ovulation this month. It's strange. In all the months since my d&c, I've ovulated. The latest day I've ever ovulated was cd 17 in these 8 months. Most often on cd 14ish. Now, I'm cd 18. My hope is that he'll do an ultrasound to confirm, deny, or verify what's going on. My opk's barely even show a hint of a line.
I'm sure I'll post later after my appointment, once I've wrapped my head around everything that I'm told. For now, I'm going to try my best to get through these next 6 hours...