Friday, May 17, 2013

A temporary back-up plan

I'm getting so nervous, excited, anxious and scared about my baseline next week. Are there cysts? Are my hormones regulated? Can I finally begin?

Then, begins a whole new level of worries. Will I respond? Will I have enough follicles to go forward with the egg retrieval? Will they fertilize? Will I have embryos to freeze? Will this all result in a successful pregnancy? 

The chances of that successful pregnancy are only 10 percent. TEN out of 100. Yet, here I am, hoping that I can be one of the lucky ones. 

With all of the costs that we're incurring on fertility and thinking about how much costs could continue to add up...it's so hard to think about spending money on anything frivolous. However, it's been a long tough year. 

How many times have you toasted on New Year's Eve with your husband, saying to hell with the year prior, this new year, is OUR year. Then the next year, you're saying the same thing all over again. With every passing month in the world of infertility, the reality gets harder and harder. My hope may not shine as brightly as it once did, but it's still there. I do still believe that I'll be a mother. I don't know when, or how, or if we'll be living in a card board box by the time it happens, and if that's the case, by god, I'll make that the best little card board box home you have EVER seen. 

In the meantime, we can't keep going through this month after month with the continued disappointment without still living our life somewhat. 

So, I'm so happy to say that for our 2 year anniversary, my 36th birthday, our 12 year (dating) anniversary and unfortunately, our 2 year anniversary at TTC we will be here...


So no matter what this IVF cycle brings, whether it's celebrating or drowning our sorrows, I will be doing it in Anguilla. Can't much beat that.

13 comments:

  1. wooohoooo!! We just did that (a well deserved vacay that is) and it was awesome! Infertily is the worst thing ever but it's a good reminder that we do have awesome husbands (many of my friends don't have that). I love that you are going "rain or shine" Fun!!

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  2. Enjoy vaycay! Thinking of you! xo

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  3. Good for you!!! I'm so glad that, no matter what happens, you have this AMAZING vacation to look forward to! I hope you'll be celebrating one more HUGE thing while you're there :)

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  4. Throw the worries out the door and indulge on this vacay! You need the time to rejuvinate so you can move fwd with ur upcoming events in a calm mood.

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  5. You sound like you are in a great place emotionally right now, I am sooo happy for you!! I know this vacation is just what you will need, as you said to either celebrate or regroup. I sure hope its to celebrate though :)

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  6. You deserve it!!! I hope you have a great time! What a great way to gain control of your life back!!

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  7. Wow! I am so happy for you! Have a great trip.

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  8. No, you sure can't beat that! We have the same idea. A's grandparents have offered us their miles to fly to Germany. After this cycle, we'll either be celebrating or drowning our sorrows. I turn 36 next week. It is a tough one for me.

    But I hope that this cycle goes text book for you and I get to celebrate your BFP next month. Hugs friend!

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  9. JEALOUS!!! But so very happy for you two of course. ;)

    We have had that conversation so many times about not spending money, because of fertility treatments. You are right though. You have got to stay sane in this process and you guys deserve it! Live it up!

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  10. That sounds like a great plan, having that treat there afterwards gives you something to aim for and knowing you can get a break from it all, take care xx

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  11. YAY YAY YAY! So glad to hear you're taking a relaxing trip! And YES...I've thought about the wishes for New Years gone by...many times over. After the last failed FET...I even thought..."well I guess I was wrong about 2013".

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  12. That's a FANTASTIC plan! I'm so glad you are taking a vacation. It sounds like you more than need it. We did that too at a very low point in our journey, and while it didn't fix anything, it certainly gave us the break we needed. I hope it's a wonderful, rejuvenating trip.
    Be well, dear woman.

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