I've also dove head first into the gestational carrier world. Not because a decision has been made…but because I'm a planner. Because when our decision has been made…I'm completely informed and ready to say "go".
I still completely plan on going forward with another cycle to give my uterus a fighting chance. To know without a doubt I have done everything, and I mean everything I possibly could.
I want more than anything to carry our child. To experience pregnancy. But if that is not meant to be, I am ready to fully embrace the path of of a carrier.
Like I mentioned before, we have had offers. One was never really an option due to a complication in a previous pregnancy and CCRM's strict guidelines. The other, was an option from all angles…but one.
The legal aspect. She lives in a state that is not gestational surrogacy friendly. This particular state, because of my lack of genetic connection to our embryos, I would have to go through a step-parent adoption after the birth. The same adoption procedure that couples go through to adopt a child…I would have to go through to be able to adopt a child that comes from an embryo that legally belongs to me.
I've struggled the past weeks since speaking with an attorney and an agency to sort out my feelings on this.
I've given up my eggs…I've given up my uterus…this would break my heart to have to go through almost a year of legal hoopla just to be my baby's legal parent. It's too much.
So our option of a much, much cheaper option, may not work. Our other option is going through an agency. The cost is mind blowing. So I'm plagued with guilt. Guilt that my body won't cooperate and guilt that my heart can't give up more than I already have.
So for now…I have all of this information in the back of my head. My Beta-3 Integrin biopsy is on Friday. Hopefully the results don't take long, and I can schedule my regroup with Dr. G.
I also have a tentative appointment scheduled with Dr. March. One of the top Asherman's Syndrome doctors in the country. It would be an expensive route to go, but it won't hurt to have him look at my chart. I'm 50/50 on this and whether not I can go in that direction.
We also are just over a week away from vacation. Not an extravagant vacation…but a trip that involves my husband, some great friends, a very supportive mother-in-law and a beach! So to us, it will be heaven. I can't wait!!
Yay for vacations! I've wondered myself when to put the breaks on... a carrier is most definitely been the topic of recent conversations, but I'm with you, I need to do everything that I can possibly do before that is seriously considered.ReplyDelete
Thinking of you girl, enjoy your trip, you so deserve it. xoxo
Everyone has a different strategy when undergoing treatment. Some always have plan b in their pocket, others take it one step at a time. You have to do what makes you feel the most comfortable. Let's hope you can leave that one in your pocket. Dr. March pioneered the field for Asherman's. I live in LA and my RE remembers studying under March in the 70's.ReplyDelete
Oh Suz... My heart is with you all the time. I'm so happy you have a vacation coming up- I hope you can relax and enjoy your time with friends and family. Praying for you for the biopsy on Friday. XOXOXOReplyDelete
I'm so sorry you even have to make such difficult decisions. Enjoy the beach and some much-deserved relaxation!ReplyDelete
Oh girl I am so sorry :/ I'm praying Isiah 53:5 over you and your body! By It says that by His wounds you ARE healed. Not going to be, or maybe one day, but you ARE healed. We may not see it with our physical eyes now, but we can see it with our faith eyes...and soon we will see it with our physical eyes. I am believing and hoping for you girlie. HUGS!ReplyDelete
I've been thinking about you and wondering where you were in the planning process. I wish things weren't so difficult for you and I hope that whatever path you end up taking you feel 100% comfortable with it and excited about it.ReplyDelete
Please keep us posted with the results of your Beta-3 integrin test! And of course, enjoy your vacation :)
Many prayers for you. You deserve a relaxing vacation with your husband. I hope you are able to enjoy your time away from everything. You are in my prayers. I have followed your story for several months and I must say... you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. *hugs*ReplyDelete
Good luck Friday. Have fun snuggling that sweet man of yours on vacay and thinking if you...hoping you don't need a carrier. But if you do, we're going to find you one without an agency. This is too much and so many people want this for you!!!!!!ReplyDelete
Sending lots of prayers your way and hoping you have a fun, relaxing vacation with your family!ReplyDelete
Been thinking of you. Sounds like there is so much on your mind with all of this and keeping up with life. Sounds like a low key vacation is the perfect thing to do.ReplyDelete
I truly feel for you. I actually just met with Dr. March last week and he's doing my surgery next week. He spent over an hour going over all of my issues. He is extremely knowledgable and I feel like I'll be in the right hands. I know if someone can fix me, it's him. I'll definitely let you know how it goes. Enjoy your vacation!ReplyDelete
Wow, I don't know much about gestational carriers and I am shocked that certain states would make you legally adopt your own embryo. That doesn't seem to make sense. Wishing you peace and clarity as you navigate all the decisions and options.ReplyDelete
I wish you didn't have to make such difficult decisions, but I think you have such a thoughtful approach to this process.ReplyDelete
I've been thinking of you and these hard decisions that may be coming up. I hope that you can carry your baby, but if you need a gestational carrier after all, I hope you can find an alternative to agency prices. I used to think I could be a GC, after a few successful pregnancies of my own... but clearly, given my history, that's not an option. But I hope that there could be someone else out there to give you this incredible gift.ReplyDelete
Oh wow. That legal glitch is SO ANNOYING. Sigh. More than annoying. I wish it were easier. I understand why it would be a deal-breaker for you. I hope you can financially swing alternatives. No matter what, hooray for you for researching and opening that door! No small step. xoReplyDelete
Good luck with your biopsy today! So happy to hear you'll be getting away for a little mini trip with people who love and care about you. Hoping for great results to your biopsy and a spirit of renewal after time with your loved ones next week. XOReplyDelete
This all really does sound dizzying. But you are such a wise woman and I think you're plan to research and research and research before you say "yes" to this route sounds really smart. Also, I hope your vacation is wonderful. You certainly deserve it.ReplyDelete
I don't really know what to say, but I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. And, I hope that you have an amazing time on your vacation. xoxoReplyDelete