Casey + Britton

When the boys were born in July, my posts were short and quick. I feel like it's finally time to share the whole story of when they came into this world. My world.

Our plan had been to head down to Texas on July 25th. That would have been between 34-35 weeks pregnant. The average time that twins come is 35 weeks. I figured we were doing good. Especially since Kelly usually went past her due date.

I had one last business trip scheduled for the week of July 13th. I was heading to Portland for a conference. Was excited that I even had a girls night planned with two awesome gals that have supported me through my diminished ovarian reserve and surrogacy. But...a nagging feeling that what if something happened while I was on the other side of the country was there weeks before the trip. It nagged me enough that on that Monday morning, July 13th, when I left the house with my bag packed for Portland, our dining room was completely packed with everything that we would take to Texas. Every. Single. Thing was ready.

Around 10 am I sat in my office (my flight wasn't until later that afternoon) I received a message from Kelly. She was at her regularly scheduled OB appointment and her blood pressure was elevated and she had protein in her urine. The OB wanted her admitted to the hospital and thought we should come to Texas. He said best case scenario the babies would probably come within a week. Worst case, around 3 days. (Did I ever mention this was Kelly's birthday!?) So I went into my super planning mode and within an hour had my flight changed from Portland to Corpus Christi and Trevor was headed home to pack up the car to drive to Texas. (This would be where my proactive planning/packing was REALLY helpful)

I was at the hospital with Kelly by dinner time and stayed on a little cot next to her bed the next few days. My husband's brother was kind enough to fly into an airport on Trevor's journey south so he didn't drive alone. They arrived the following evening.

While Kelly's blood pressure actually stabilized over the next few days, her 24 hour urine collection was extremely high. Like in the 5000's. So we knew that this was definitely pre-eclampsia. We were faced with decisions like do we go home and monitor? Do we transfer to one of the larger hospitals that has a NICU? Do we stay at the hospital with our OB that we adore, that knows us and our situation? We ultimately made the decision that on Wednesday evening we would go home with the plan to go into the MFM's office first thing Thursday for him to make the call as to whether or not she be admitted to his hospital to be monitored for the remainder of the pregnancy, or not. However, as we're packing up to go home, her blood pressure spiked again. The OB decided it would be best to keep her hospitalized and have her transferred. Unfortunately, the other hospital would take her because they were out of beds. So we were kept at the small hospital overnight to be monitored and hopefully would be transferred on Thursday. Trevor had came to visit that day and early evening when knew Kelly and I would be staying another night, he left. An hour or so later, Kelly started to have visual changes. Bright spots, if you will. Our OB had told me that if that happened, he wanted me to text him right away. I did and he came back to our room. He said his concern was that the eclampsia was getting more severe as visual changes typically meant it was getting to her brain. The best option was to deliver the babies.

He explained that while they didn't have a NICU and we were literally hours away from being 33 weeks, and she couldn't be transferred, that he would call in the Children's Hospital and have NICU teams sent for each baby. They would be delivered, stabilized and then transferred. I trusted this doctor completely. There was a reason we chose him and it was the right decision.

Right about that time, Trevor text me a picture of the beer he just ordered, you know, after his very long drive and finally getting settled for the night...my response was "you need to come back". HA!

The doctor did another ultrasound to determine position of the babies. We had still hoped that just maybe she could have them vaginally, but both were transverse and it wasn't an option. They started her on magnesium and began to prep for a c-section. We were only waiting on Trevor and Kelly's husband.

The great thing about this doctor and this small hometown hospital, was that they truly cared about this unique situation and experience. The allowed Kelly's husband, myself and Trevor all to be in the operating room for the birth. No other hospital in Corpus Christi had said they would allow that. I didn't realize how anxious I was until Casey was born and let out that beautiful cry followed by Britton who did the same. They were tiny...but perfect.

They were born at 12:14 am and 12:16 am on Thursday, July 16th. We had made it to 33 weeks by only minutes. Even better, the boys share a birthday with the amazing doctor that delivered them.

The boys were both stabilized and I requested that they be wheeled into Kelly's room where she was recovering before they be transferred. I knew it would be a while before Kelly would be able to see them again. I hope it meant as much to her those moments as it did to me. She was absolutely amazing. So strong, brave and quite literally my hero. Her recovery was hard. She had complications and had to have multiple blood transfusions over the next few days. I'm in awe that I was lucky enough to have THIS woman care for my babies in the most beautiful way possible.

And care for them she did. Because while small at 3 lbs 12 oz and 3lbs 15 oz, they were mighty. Their entire stay at the NICU was one of growth and progress. Not one setback the entire 23 and 26 days of our stay there. Those boys are healthy and happy because of her.

It makes me sad that I don't know if Kelly can be a surrogate again. I know CCRM would disqualify her because of the severe eclampsia. I know that even if there was an RE somewhere that did allow her to be a carrier, she shouldn't carry twins again. I will always feel guilty for this. Whether or not she hoped to do another surrogate journey or not, I would hate that we took that decision away from her. Because truly, she's amazing. Her whole family is amazing. And I'm so blessed to have her and them in my life always.

Nervous but excited!!! 

In the OR...and super anxious

Britton's first moment

Kelly meeting one of the twins as he's about to be transferred

My handsome little chunkers

Sometimes things go horribly wrong

Last week in a few of my surrogacy Facebook groups I learned that a gestational carrier had a placenta abruption the day before her scheduled c-section and died. I don't know for certain the outcome with the twins she carried, but I know from a few posts, that things looked dire for them as well. This has been on my mind constantly since I heard the news.

As an infertility blogger, I've come across many women who like myself, have had to go to extremes to make our family. Donor eggs and surrogacy, while something that may not roll off the average person's tongue in day to day conversation, is a huge reality for me. And here I think about the two women that so selflessly put themselves at risk for our family and it hits me deep in my heart.

What if that had been us? What if something had happened to Kelly? How would I have lived with that? Death during childbirth isn't something you hear of often, but it does happen. And to think it happened to someone that wanted so badly to help another family that she paid the ultimate sacrifice.

I stare at my boys daily in wonder and awe. They are my light and they have my whole heart. It's never mattered to me that they don't share my DNA or that I didn't carry them. They are mine and I couldn't love another human more than I love those two little guys. So this tragic story makes me that much more grateful and thankful for what Kelly did for me. For us. She has a heart of gold. In more ways that you possibly imagine. My life is better because of her and her family...and not just in the sense of the boys that hold my heart in their tiny little hands. Because true honest and good people like that are hard to find, and the good in their souls reaches out and grabs you. Makes you want to always be that good.

I also read on some of the threads a few people talking about how you shouldn't be able to have a surrogate unless it's absolutely medically necessary. This also has sat with me. It was medically necessary for me. My doctors, not just at CCRM, but locally as well, all told me...you need a carrier. But here I am, 28 weeks pregnant. And I feel guilty. Guilty because I wouldn't change a thing. Because knowing what I know now, I would still choose these boys. They are part of my world and were meant to be mine. I hope that Kelly never, ever feels like my pregnancy diminishes her and what she has done for me.

My infertile mind still struggles daily that this pregnancy is real. That the little girl is really growing inside of me. I'm along way from holding her in my arms, so I'll remain a wee bit cautious if it's all the same. But her dad, brothers and I are so very, very hopeful.


So yes, to sum up this post...I'm thankful on so many levels that Kelly was able to safely deliver our boys. While there were complications that I'll be posting about later this week, I can say that her and our boys are all healthy and happy. I wouldn't, couldn't have it any other way.

The Hardest Goodbye

After almost 12 weeks of spending every minute with my little guys, today was my first day back at work. I'll admit, the anticipation of today over the past week, was probably harder than this morning actually was. Every time I thought about leaving, I cried. This morning, I made it out of the door with just watery eyes and my lip poking out. I'm almost through the day and counting down the minutes to head home.

Our little guys are doing amazing. Growing like crazy, seriously, these guys are some major chubba wubs. See for yourself. We have arm rolls, chubby cheeks and chins for days. I sometimes can't believe they are the same 3 plus pounders we first met in July.

I hope that one day they understand the reasons I had to return to work vs. staying home with them...which I would prefer. Right now I just have a bit of guilt and jealousy. Guilt because I wonder if they are confused by my absence. Jealousy because someone else gets to see their cute smiles and little daily progress of developmental changes. I want that to be me. But for them and for my family, I work. Luckily, my job has agreed to allow me to work from home on Friday's. Once our little girl arrives, I will work from home two days a week. This does help. (a little)

I realized recently that something I haven't blogged about was their birth story. I'm sorry for that. I think it's important that you all here about it. Not just because it's part of our story, but for others that read about the generosity of Kelly. I want everyone to know what she went through to give us these most precious little boys. So stay tuned for that. Expect my blog updates to be a bit more frequent now that I'm officially back on a computer 5 days a week. Forgive me for putting that aside for so long while I enjoyed my time at home with my Casey & Britton. :)

Nursery and Newborn Pics

Here I am...finally, almost another whole month has passed. Seriously, when I go back to work next month and I'm sitting in front of a computer all day, you'll get SO many more updates from me! Pinky swear promise. 

What I do have for you is to share our newborn photos and FINALLY nursery photos. We are so so happy with how everything turned out and we're even almost done with our baby girls room. (more to share on her on another post)

Now...the boys...they are AMAZING! Growing like crazy and are simply a delight. They light up my world in so many ways that there are just no words. And they are great babies! I keep waiting for the day that all changes. But they cry (not super loud) when they are hungry, getting changed or just want some snuggles. Any or all of those three things, fix all that is wrong in their world. Being pregnant with newborns certainly has a few challenges and I think these guys are just taking it easy on me for that reason. I'm dreading the day I go back to work and have to leave them. It will probably break my heart into a million pieces.

Finally...our nursery is finished and I'm ready to share!! It meant so much to me that Trevor made the states for the walls. His friend had some reclaimed wood that we cut them out of. I'm so happy how they turned out. I want these guys to always know the journey that brought them home to us.

And here are our newborn pics. These were shot 3 weeks ago. So when I post their two month photo soon, you'll see the big difference between then and now! 

And this last photo...was our official Facebook announcement. As of yesterday, we were 24 weeks. Viability!