Thursday, October 31, 2013

Too much loss and sadness

It's been a crazy few weeks in the blog world. There's been entirely too much sadness and my heart continues to ache for my dear friends as they cope with loss and heartache.

Outside of the blog world I have someone that is so very dear to me that is waiting for what could be tragic news for her very long sought after pregnancy. She's at her twelve week mark when she should be breathing a sigh of relief, not this. She has meant literally the world to me this last year as we've traveled side by side through our infertility. She makes me laugh. During a year in which laughter has been a challenge, no less. I would give anything in the world to change what she's going through right now. Her heart is broken and there's nothing I can do to fix it. My dear, N...I'm hoping for the miracle that you so deserve.

This makes me ask...have I mentioned how much I hate infertility and the hell that it has brought upon my friends? On me? I know without a doubt that we have all been changed by what we've gone through. I hope that one day I can look at this and know that it made me a better person. Rather than a bitter one. I truly hope that's the case. For all of us.

The past week has been difficult for me to blog about my piddly mock cycle. It's so insignificant in comparison to what's going on around me. I will say it's not going well. At least it wasn't last Friday. I'm still on patches and have added in Estrace. I'll find out tomorrow if my lining has finally decided to cooperate. However, it's doubtful. It had a long, long, long way to go.



19 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, Suzanne :( Infertility is such an asshole, and like you, I hurt for my friends going through it on top of the hurt I have from my own journey. It all just seems incredibly unfair.

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  2. I'm definitely tired of crying! Tired of being angry for sure... I could really use some good news! Hopeful that you'll get some awesome news tomorrow!

    Prayers for your friend... it's all just too much sometimes!

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  3. Thinking about you and believing for good news!!!!

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  4. This has been a really hard week. Let's hope next week is better for all of us! :)

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  5. Been thinking about you. I'm sorry it's been a tough week for you as well. I am at a loss of what to write too. I am so sick and saddened by the infertility blogging world. It breaks my heart how much heartache is being passed around. My misfortunes seem so insignificant in comparison to all my friends who are going through so much loss right now. I hope your next appointment shows some miraculous growth with that lining. We all could use some good news around here!

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  6. xoxo Hugs to you and to everyone else who is dealing with the horrible, horrible sadness and fear brought on my IF. xoxo

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  7. Infertility is such a hell...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! It takes so so so much just to get through it.

    I am so sorry for all the sad news lately... :(

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  8. *hugs* Suzanne. I'm so sorry about your cycle and about everything. It breaks my heart that not only is the process of conceiving damn near impossible, but then once you achieve it, that's still a far cry from a real live baby in your arms. My heart just breaks for people. Thinking of you right now and of others with lots of prayer.

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  9. Hi Suzanne! I'm still at hospital and my sister gave me your beautiful package! It's perfect. I love the journal so much-thank you. It is so nice to feel so loved and thought of!! Thank you so much.

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  10. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and that your cycle is not going as hoped for. This battle definitely changes us and I know we will come out of this a better- more sensitive, caring, and compassionate than we most likely would have been otherwise. You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

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  11. Amen to everything you said. Infertility is such a Pain and it seems to never go away.

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  12. Weeks like this seem to happen way too often. This community truly is a sisterhood and it's so painful to see our sisters suffer.

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  13. Gosh, I hate infertility. That's an understatement. I'm so sorry you're feeling discouraged about your mock cycle, Suzanne. :(

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  14. I'm sorry about your friend. And I will be praying that this mock cycle turns around!

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  15. Im so sorry for your friend. It's just not fair! But you already know that. Hoping your mock cycle turns around...you got some sweet embies waiting for you in Denver.

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  16. I'm really sorry about your friend, and I join you in hoping for a miracle.
    That being said, you are also entitled to go through what you are going through and having feelings about that. If your mock cycle isn't going the way you'd like, it's totally acceptable to feel crappy about it. I say this as your friend, but also a shrink. Your heart is enormous, and it can hold enough compassion for your friend and yourself.
    thinking of you, dear woman.

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  17. I'm so sorry for all the sadness that is dragging you down, and for the difficult situation your dear friend is in. This really shouldn't happen to anyone, much less after infertility. (And yet we all know it does.)
    I'd like to second Augusta though - please do share your struggles with the mock cycle if it helps. You are supporting so many of your friends through these difficult times. I'm sure they are as thankful for your kind and caring comments as I am, and we'd like to give you some support back.

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  18. So with you here. TIRED of it for all of us. Sorry your lining isn't cooperating too. I know how frustrating that can be. How awesome they do an entire mock cycle though just to test the waters before the actual go time. Very smart approach they've got going. Hope that stubborn lining wakes the F up!

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