I wish it was because things looked great. They don't. But the cycle isn't cancelled either. So on Thursday, we leave for Denver and hope with all of our hearts, that things start to improve.
Lining - 4.52mm
Estrodiol - 530
Progesterone - .70
I start 150iu of stimulating hormone tonight, adding in the Viagra, Dexamethosone and continuing the Trental, Vitamin E and estrogen.
My next check is at CCRM on Friday morning.
I've asked myself "why" a lot lately. I've reflected on these past 3 years that we've tried so desperately to conceive. I've thought about all we've gone through. The pain and heartache that has followed each failed attempt and loss. The devastation of knowing that my body, has essentially had enough. With each diagnosis being just a little bit worse than the one before. I've thought a lot about the ill-fated D&C that has (possibly) robbed my uterus of a chance to carry our child.
It reminded me of the post that I wrote after that procedure last August (Treat it Like Gold). While I know that no doctor would intentionally harm my ability to conceive, it breaks my heart that all of this has happened because of a D&C that was done during an ectopic pregnancy. That surgery was pointless, never even needed…but with such monumental lasting effects. I guess it all just makes me very sad.
All I've ever wanted was to be a mother. While in some ways, it feels like that's slipping away, I can only hope that somewhere and somehow, it will happen. In my bones I feel that it's what I was meant to do. To be. And I'm so close. I have 6 reasons to remain hopeful.
So no matter how consuming the fear is today, for them, I'll keep marching on towards tomorrow.