Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Another Mother's Day Gone By

For the past 6 years, Mother's Day has been a struggle for me. I tend to go off on my own, avoiding any place or function that is recognizing mothers. It simply hurts to much to not have mine. For the past 4 years, each Mother's Day has brought a new loss of another child. While you would think that the pain of such a day would be slightly less each year having gone through it all the year prior, but it doesn't. It's actually worse. The longing cuts a bit deeper a little more each year that passes.

My mother & I - 1977

As far as my FET cycle update, things are moving along. There were no cysts and I started with estrogen on Friday. My first lining check will be on Monday. As long as my lining is close to 5mm, they will start me on 150iu of stims per day and add in the Viagra. 

On Thursday (May 22nd), we'll head out to Denver. My first monitoring appointment with CCRM will be on Friday, this is also the day they could potentially do the Neupogen infusion in my uterus. I could potentially start progesterone that Saturday with a very, VERY tentative transfer scheduled for 5/29. 

As of right now, we're scheduled to come home on June 1st. That gives us several extra days in case things get pushed back. 

So I guess we'll be spending our Memorial holiday in Colorado!! I'll have to start figuring out some fun stuff for us to do to keep me distracted.

I'm trying really hard to be hopeful, but it's hard. I feel like there are literally mountains to overcome for this to even be a decent shot. 

21 comments:

  1. Good grief, I love you and want this so badly it hurts... I just NEED this to work. This is coming soooo fast... after months and months and MONTHS, we're going to blink and you'll be at the transfer. Crazy! I'm hoping and praying for you, friend... I'm not sure if my prayers are moving mountains these days, but they're all yours just in case! : )

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  2. Sending lots and lots of prayers your way for a thick lining! I really really hope this works for you!

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  3. Still keeping you in my prayers. This mother's day I thought about you a lot and really spent some time talking to God and just praying that next years will be so different. *hugs*

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  4. always praying for you….. I really hope this is your greatest cycle yet with a thick lining for baby to settle in for a long 9 months nap.

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  5. Thinking about you friend!! I'm so glad you get to be in the beautiful state of Colorado while going through this procedure - the beauty alone will lift your spirits! Please keep us updated! Praying Suzanne!

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  6. You are on my mind! Praying for good news and praying this "hail mary" works. I'm fully trusting and believing you will positive, uplifting news soon! Sending *hugs*.

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  7. Praying so hard for you and sending you all my positive thoughts! Your strength and determination is inspiring!

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  8. Thinking all good thoughts for you to have a great cycle. Everything is crossed for you! Great pic too, btw!

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  9. I am soooooo hoping and praying that this is it- that this will be YOUR time! I'm glad things are moving along with the transfer and that things continue to keep moving so that you will soon have one of those precious embryos in your uterus! xoxo

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  10. Oh girlfriend, I will be hoping & praying so hard for you!! I want this for you so badly... I hope next Mother's Day will be a little easier for you because you will have your baby in your arms.

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  11. Good luck! I have heard great things about the neupogen wash!
    http://ttcaftertr.blogspot.com/

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  12. I have nothing but good feelings about this. You've waited for this for so long. Your mom would be so proud of how strong you are and how much you're fighting for this. Her beautiful spirit lives on in you, without a doubt.

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  13. I am praying that next year you will have your baby to celebrate Mother's Day with! I will also be sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way for a thick lining!! Your mama will be with you along the way...

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  14. While reading your post the word "mountain" jumped out at me and Mark 11:23 was brought to my mind. It says, "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them."

    Make a list of your mountains and daily speak to them in faith (not fear). Don't just think about your mountains, but SPEAK because that is what the verse tells us to do. I thank you for this post because it reminded me that I too have mountains that I need to speak to and I shouldn't stop speaking to them, until they are moved. Hugs girl and praying for you :)

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  15. Wishing you nothing but the best. If you want Colorado tips, I live in Denver and would be happy to share some of my favorites spots - shoot me an e-mail! Hang in there and take care of yourself.

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  16. It's all sooo freakin' unfair, then there's Mother's Day to top it off. Not okay. You are a strong one, Suzanne. I hope your heart is doing a bit better as the days pass Mother's Day and your FET is on the horizon. Prayers for you and your lining ... Of course your embabies too, but I'm not too worried about those high quality babies. ;)

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  17. I'm so sorry about your mother and the losses you have had that make Mother's Day so hard. It is not fair! I hate the mountains that you have to climb but if this all works, it will be so worth it!!! Thinking of you!

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  18. It seems like Mother's Day would be the worse of all calendar days of the year for you. Your losses have been so significant, and the day would only serve as a enormously painful reminder of all of them.

    Who knows how this FET will go, but I know that your indomitable spirit can take this on. And that one way or another, you will be a mother, the very best mother a child could ever dream of.

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  19. Such a double whammy going through treatments and missing your mom at the same time. I know you would probably love to just get one phone call, just to hear her voice. She is with you though Suzanne. She sees everything you're gong through and is leading a campaign in heaven for angels to surround you, and for God to answer your prayers.

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  20. Big Hugs, sweet Suzanne. You are constantly in my T&P's. <3

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