Thursday, May 8, 2014

This is IT

Literally. The showstopper. The grande finale. Our swan song.

Today is cycle day one. Tomorrow is my baseline labs and ultrasound to check for cysts. So I guess we'll know more officially then if the cycle really, really is a go.

Plan is to start the estrogen priming portion of the cycle tomorrow and then start the stims on May 19th. If my lining is not responding, they will add in the Neupogen infusion prior to the transfer.

I'm fully prepared to not thaw an embryo if my lining does not look favorable. They're very precious to me and while 6 sounds like a lot…it doesn't feel like a lot when I know I can't go back for more. If the lining were to look similar to the last mock cycle, I would most likely convert to a "Hail Mary" IUI.

Who am I kidding…this whole cycle is a "Hail Mary".

Thanks to a very, very generous donation, I have a good start with my meds. I also plan on being monitored at CCRM after the first stim check which will be on May 23rd. With all that's on the line, I feel a lot more comfortable if they have me right there in front of them. Especially since the Neupogen infusion must be done at CCRM anyway.

Because of our risk of placenta accreta or percreta, Dr. G thinks it would be disastrous if I were to become pregnant with twins. Therefore…we would only be transferring one.

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm scared shitless.

This is it.

This past week has been overwhelming and very emotional. My heart has been very heavy. The costs of a gestational surrogate really has had me pretty stressed. It's not a route that I want to go. Financially it will put strains on us for years to come. We currently live in a condo and have wanted to finally buy a house…with a yard! While nothing is more important than having a family to us, it's also been difficult to know after this, we'll have to move towards such an expensive option. While I know that we'll find away to make it work somehow, I still hate that my body has become such a financial burden on us. Never our future child. But my body…yes.

For now, I'll brush those fears and concerns aside. I'll focus all my energy on me and my body for one last time. I'll hope that my uterus cooperates. Maybe even gives us a sign that she's not out of the running. I plan on keeping as active as I can, cutting out what small amount of caffeine I drink (so long, sweet tea) and my much adored red wine and margaritas. I'm trying to eat healthy and continuing my electroacupuncture. I'm trying it all.

Let's just hope that this beat up, "severely damaged" (words of Dr. March) uterus of mine has it in her to pull through for us.

We're going to need a miracle...



24 comments:

  1. Oh Suz, I will be thinking of you every step of the way! Please keep us all posted! My heart will be with you, sweet friend. I know that miracles happen, I am so hopeful that you will just be more proof of that in the weeks to come. XOXO

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  2. Come on ute! Suzanne, I am praying praying praying. I want this for you in such an intense way. I hope that lining cooperates for you and makes a nice space for a baby to grow. Keep us posted. Glad you're in good hands at CCRM. Prayers, love & hugs.

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  3. Oh Suzanne, I'm both thrilled and terrified at the same time, so I can only imagine how you're feeling! I know you're in the best hands possible at CCRM, so I'm trusting those good doctors with your precious (though damaged) uterus and asking for the miracle to come from above. Asking for it all for you, my friend… the lining, the transfer, the pregnancy, the baby… I want it ALL! I can't believe that, what nine months later, that this day has finally come! Happy CD 1 to you!

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  4. Good luck with the cycle! Lots of thoughts and fingers crossed for you!

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  5. I'm thinking of you Suzanne, and praying for continuous good news as each day passes. You have so many people pulling for you!!!! Lots of love!!!

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  6. Praying you get your miracle my friend! It is time for your miracle. Hoping with my whole heart that your body responds. Hugs!

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  7. So happy to read this. We are all in your corner cheering you on!

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  8. Lord, we believe!!! We believe you are the author of miracles and on your behalf we ask that you do one for Suzanne!!! We ask you heal her body and prep it to receive and carry a baby(ies) to full term - in Jesus name we call forth those healthy babies and we thank you in advance for the miracle that you are going to do xoxo

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  9. Oh I hope that it pulls through for you too!!! I will be praying for you! I just want this to work! I know the scared feeling. It is so hard not to be. Thinking of you and wishing you ALL the best! xoxo

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  10. I hope this is it for you too. I will be following you closely for updates.

    Listen up ute...this is is your time!



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  11. The Hail Mary pass earned it's name during a 1975 NFL game because IT WORKED! Hoping it does this time as well!

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  12. Yay for CD1 and moving forward!

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  13. I haven't been commenting recently, but I am still following your journey and have been thinking about you. I am wishing you all the luck in the world and sending positive thoughts and love your way.

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  14. Believing this will be the cycle for you. Praying for a precious miracle. You will be in my thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks.

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  15. I am praying so hard for you, I really, really hope this is it. Just reading your post made me want to volunteer to be your surrogate but I don't think I would qualify since I've had so many issues ttc myself :( You deserve this so much Suzanne, I am praying that this is it for you guys and you won't have to even consider the surrogate route!

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  16. Come on uterus!! I will be praying and doing a baby dance for you. It is time for your miracle friend!!!

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  17. Praying so hard for you that this is the cycle that works for you!!!

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  18. I'm hoping so very much for you, Suzanne.

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  19. Praying with all my heart and soul, please, God, make this work. *hugs*

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  20. Suzanne, may this be the cycle that brings your baby home. I hold that in my heart with such hope.

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  21. So happy CD1 has arrived. Praying for the miracle you need and deserve!

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  22. Go Suzanne! Pulling for you with all I've got!!!

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  23. This IS it! I'm so excited that you are at cd1. Hoping and praying that everything goes smoothly. KMFX for you, Suzanne. Please keep us posted. xoxoxoxoxox

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