Literally. The showstopper. The grande finale. Our swan song.
Today is cycle day one. Tomorrow is my baseline labs and ultrasound to check for cysts. So I guess we'll know more officially then if the cycle really, really is a go.
Plan is to start the estrogen priming portion of the cycle tomorrow and then start the stims on May 19th. If my lining is not responding, they will add in the Neupogen infusion prior to the transfer.
I'm fully prepared to not thaw an embryo if my lining does not look favorable. They're very precious to me and while 6 sounds like a lot…it doesn't feel like a lot when I know I can't go back for more. If the lining were to look similar to the last mock cycle, I would most likely convert to a "Hail Mary" IUI.
Who am I kidding…this whole cycle is a "Hail Mary".
Thanks to a very, very generous donation, I have a good start with my meds. I also plan on being monitored at CCRM after the first stim check which will be on May 23rd. With all that's on the line, I feel a lot more comfortable if they have me right there in front of them. Especially since the Neupogen infusion must be done at CCRM anyway.
Because of our risk of placenta accreta or percreta, Dr. G thinks it would be disastrous if I were to become pregnant with twins. Therefore…we would only be transferring one.
I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm scared shitless.
This is it.
This past week has been overwhelming and very emotional. My heart has been very heavy. The costs of a gestational surrogate really has had me pretty stressed. It's not a route that I want to go. Financially it will put strains on us for years to come. We currently live in a condo and have wanted to finally buy a house…with a yard! While nothing is more important than having a family to us, it's also been difficult to know after this, we'll have to move towards such an expensive option. While I know that we'll find away to make it work somehow, I still hate that my body has become such a financial burden on us. Never our future child. But my body…yes.
For now, I'll brush those fears and concerns aside. I'll focus all my energy on me and my body for one last time. I'll hope that my uterus cooperates. Maybe even gives us a sign that she's not out of the running. I plan on keeping as active as I can, cutting out what small amount of caffeine I drink (so long, sweet tea) and my much adored red wine and margaritas. I'm trying to eat healthy and continuing my electroacupuncture. I'm trying it all.
Let's just hope that this beat up, "severely damaged" (words of Dr. March) uterus of mine has it in her to pull through for us.
We're going to need a miracle...