Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Heart & Soul - All In

I can't find a lot of people where the injectibles and IUI works the very first time. Trust me, I'm looking relentlessly. There are some, for sure, but more folks that go on to have a second and third. Yet, I feel such an absolute need for this cycle. I can't keep hearing about siblings and siblings in-laws that are pregnant. That's right. My middle sister (step-sister actually) is pregnant with number 2. Her first was conceived via IVF. Which she didn't try all that long and she never shared the details of the how's and why's. However, she went into her first IVF without the slightest worry that it would "work". I have no idea how she conceived this child. That information wasn't shared with me. What I do know, is that she is well aware of my miscarriage and struggles, yet, I found out about her pregnancy in a most insensitive way. I'm so upset that this is a person I call my family, that I'll just end it here and move on.

I know without a doubt that if this cycle doesn't work, my heart will break. I feel completely invested. Heart. Soul. Bank account. I'm very close to when I conceived last year and never thought for a minute that a year later that I a) wouldn't be holding my baby right now or b) would still be trying to conceive. It's to the point of being maddening. I finally shared with my MIL the treatments we're going through. She understands my need for keeping this quiet, but at the same time, I don't have my mother to turn to and I've felt a little lost over that lately. If I can't have my mom, might as well have his.

In less than 16 hours, I'll have my cd 10 u/s to find out what's going on in there. I've had some lower back pain, a few cramps and A LOT of bloating, but other than that, no other side effects from the meds. They'll be doing blood work with the u/s as well, so I'm very anxious to find out what comes of all of this and how the cycle is progressing. I would assume after tomorrow we'll have a better idea of when I'll be triggering and scheduling the IUI. So far, OPK's are very faint, which is what I expect for cd 8 (I haven't taken one today yet).

I keep hoping for a miracle, but at the same time, this is me we're talking about, and things just don't always work out for me. T has better luck than me, so hopefully that prevails.

Will update tomorrow with the stats.

1 comment:

  1. we have friends that started at the same clinic we did at the same time - we started with clomid, then clomid+iui, then clomid+iui+trigger, and now we're doing injectables+iui... they started with injectables+iui and got it on the very first try and their baby is now almost a year old. GL! <3 I hope it works first try for both of us!

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