I'm on cycle day 36 today. I'm 2 days past my last Provera and no AF in sight. This is the longest cycle I've had in a year and of course it's the one cycle that I want AF to show up more than anything. I just want to get started. If it's not one obstacle it's another.
I've been really down the past few days. Less about ttc, though that is always a part of it, more so, because I miss my mother. Going home to see my family (dad's side) only made that more obvious. While I love my dad and sisters, I feel out of place and isolated. I've never really fit in there. I think after these past few months what I've really wanted is to go to my mom, crawl in her lap and cry. I've got no one in my family that knows and understands or that I can even talk to about what's happening in my life right now and that makes me very, very sad.
Whether this is all so emotional right now because of my fertility issues or because tomorrow would have been my mom's 56th birthday, I don't know. Maybe both...most likely the latter. I think all of this has really shown me what an important part of my life she was and still is. I hope she knew that before she died.
I also have done an Ovarian Cancer walk/run every year since she died. This is the first year, that I just don't know if I can do it. It's in a few weeks and I haven't even tried to fundraise for it or put a team together. I think I just need to sit this year out.
I'll check back in when AF arrives. HOPEFULLY that's later this week and hopefully I'll be feeling a little more positive.