My call with CCRM was Friday afternoon. For some reason, every time I've come online to write my post, I've hesitated. I haven't known what to say or how to say it. I'm at odds over so many variables, that I can't even decide if the call was helpful or just added more pressure on decisions that need to be made. Well, I've put it off long enough, so I'm just going to lay it all out there, even though none of these decisions have been resolved.
Dr. Gustofson was great. So kind and personable. He even knows Dr. Rapisarda in Chicago and said he is very good and very smart. He did not say anything regarding the protocol in Chicago, whether it was right or wrong. I think I just wanted to much for my chances to be so much higher at CCRM because of their DOR statistics, but at the end of the day, while they are higher, it's not that much higher. Dr. G is giving me maybe 20% chance of success, while Dr. R is giving me maybe 10%.
Next steps would be:
FSH/LH/E2/AMH - These would be done locally on cycle day 3, frozen, and sent to their lab.
Testing in Denver on cycle day 5-13 would be:
TSH, Free T4, Prolactin, CBC, Vitamin D
HIV, HEP B, HEP C, and RPR
Chromosome Analysis (me only)
Blood Type and screen for Rubella and Chicken Pox
Baseline Ultrasound/3D - access the number of resting follicles and blood flow to the uterus
Office Hysteroscopy - This one is up in the air. If I can provide the photos from my Hysteroscopy last month, he'd be willing to nix this.
Sperm Analysis, Anti-Sperm Antibodies and culture and Sperm Chromatin Structure Assay for Trevor.
I don't know the exact cost yet for what they've ordered for me, but I'm thinking it's in the neighborhood of around $4k.
Next I would start an aggressive stimulation cycle without BCPS that would be EPP or Testosterone Priming. Not sure of the doses yet.
They would then do the egg retrieval, the CCS testing (Comprehensive Chromosome Screening) and freeze the normal embryos for transfer 2-3 months after. During which time I would be on Lupron.
All in all, without any actual costs yet, just from my own research and what they've posted on their website, we'd be looking at close to $35k for this first cycle. (and that doesn't include travel costs)
Wow. That's double what it would cost in Chicago.
There are so many reasons that I look at everything in Denver as a very good thing, however, the chances are still only 20%.
I asked my husband last night if it was selfish of me to even consider spending that kind of money on something that has such a small chance of working? His answer was an absolute no, but still, this is my issue and I feel extremely guilty.
This weekend since my consult, I've been questioning what the right thing to do is. Maybe we should try on our own a few months since my Laporoscopy would give us a better chance naturally? Maybe we should do at least one cycle with Chicago. We're going in blind as we have NO idea how I will respond.
I should probably mention that my second beta last week was 10.2. If you remember, on Tuesday it was 10.6. It went down a whopping .4. I had another drawn today. So until that is all the way down, I'm stuck in a holding pattern anyway.
While all around me, friends and family are popping out their babies, finding out genders and going on with their lives. I kind of just feel stuck right now. I really wish CCRM had giving me a little more optimism, unfortunately, they didn't.