Thursday, March 28, 2013

Kindness Does Matter

To me. It matters a lot.

Many of you that have followed me for a while will remember my struggles with my first jackass (ahem...RE). In the end of that "relationship" I was nearly broken feeling completely abandoned and even berated. Since then, I've been bouncing from consultation to consultation, trying to find the right doctor to treat DOR and unfortunately none of those options have been local.

So back in early February we had decided on Chicago. Then after MUCH research, many opinions of other gals on threads and blogs, I had my consult with CCRM. That went really well too. While most women go to CCRM as their last choice, we decided, maybe it should just be our first choice. The only problem is, the first round of IVF can tell you so much. I haven't had a first round yet. I've had 2 IUI's with a fine response, at least for the low dose of meds I was on. Our question is we spend the money on CCRM right off the bat? We'd be months away from getting pregnant, IF it even works. I had been already to start IVF with Chicago in March.

So much has happened in the last month since my laporoscopy. Well, I can tell you what hasn't period has NOT happened. I went in for blood work and another ultrasound yesterday and my beta is finally down to 5. The ultrasound showed my lining being very thin and Chicago told me I was ready to start bcps TOMORROW. Potential retrieval date of May 4th (ish).

Whoa. Step back. Here I was convinced I was going to just go out to Denver soon, go through all the rounds of testing, then figure out the whole schedule of events from there...but here's Chicago saying we're ready to

This was music to my ears. I have to say, I was intrigued. Then my nurse, who mind you, has been MY nurse for 2 months. She's checked in on me, called me, emailed me, sat by the phone and even waited for my call one day, seriously, she answered on the first ring...they never actually ANSWER the phone.  Then she told me, we're going to do this. We're going to take good care of you. She said, you were born the same year as my daughter, I'm going to take care of you as if you were.

Guess what, peeps. That was what I've needed to hear. From someone. Anyone. I broke and I literally wanted to crawl through the phone and into her arms. So yes. I'm going to change my mind AGAIN, cause well, it's what I do, and we're getting started with IVF. I start my pills tomorrow.

I'm going to spend my weekend on the beach with a bunch of girls for my sisters bachelorette party and just relax and breathe a little.

I'm excited and I'm nervous. I know that my protocol is the antagonist. I've heard a lot on either side. Some people say that's not right for DOR or that you shouldn't be on bcps, but I'm going to trust my doctor and that he knows what he's doing.

Lastly, I've been loving all the support from all of you gals. You are all awesome. Some that have been with me for a while and all of the newbies. I love all of your comments. Seriously. Thank you. I could never do this without you all.



  1. Congrats on getting this show on the road! I believe it's always good to trust your instincts. Maybe YOUR nurse was just meant to be there for you at the right time.

    I also think you are doing a great job by trusting your doctor and his protocol choice. I too was at a stage where I questioned my RE's decision. I finally took the advice to look at IVF#1 as diagnostic. I also found comfort in knowing that I could blame him instead of me should things go really bad.

    Good luck to you! I'll be cheering for you!

  2. Hey sweet girl. I know we've exchanged a few emails here and there. I apologize for letting that stop. I should have been better about keeping in touch. But please know that you're thought of often. I want this so bad for you and I started tearing up when I read the part about your nurse. How incredible is that? I really think all clinics should have a nurse assigned to each patient. It makes it feel like a much more of a personal experience. We are at CRM in Mpls and I can never get the same nurse on the phone. It oftentimes feels like a damn circus. And a few of them share names. Ahhhhh. So freakin' confusing!

  3. Congrats on the good news! Praying for you and your husband!!
    {new follower}

  4. I am so excited for you!!!! Maybe this is just meant to be!! Lots of prayers your way and I have a very good feeling about this! Good luck!

  5. I literally started crying for you. Girl - THIS IS HUGE! I'm so excited for you. I agree with trusting your gut. I would go with CCRM too if they said those nice things to me. Praying!

  6. Yay for a nurse who cares!!! Sometimes we just need somebody to offer emotion on our behalf! I can't imagine the tough decisions that you have had to make between Chicago and CCRM. That would be such a hard choice! But I will say this, I think you're exactly right. Once you start, trust it and move ahead. We all spend so much time comparing our treatments to one another or what we've read from Dr. Google. I think you've got to choose a path and then trust in it (as much as possible) until you see it through! And how stinking EXCITING to think you could be PUPO in a little over a month! Crazy! Hoping that you NEVER need CCRM!!!

  7. SO happy for you that you're starting your IVF cycle... And mostly that you are comfortable and feel good about your choice. I'm so glad that you have that kind, kind nurse taking good care of you.

    Have a great weekend at the beach! xo

  8. So glad you feel comfortable and at ease doing an IVF cycle with the Chicago clinic. Praying that tou won't need to consider going to CCRM. And I know the feeling of having a nurse say "You were born the same year as my daughter" lucky for you this is your nurse. At my current REs office I deal with a lot of nurses and its hard to build that relationship.

  9. What a great nurse! I think you have the right clinic. :) I'll be KMFX for you. Antagonist is a great protocol to start with. It's very easy and so many people have a great response. So hopeful for you!

  10. I totally think you are making the right choice starting in Chicago Suzanne, for what it's worth. You are a woman, and therefore are allowed to change your mind as many times as you want. I think that may actually be written in the Bible somewhere? hehe I think going to Chicago is just going to be simpler and easier to navigate, and it sounds like you are in extremely good hands. I mean that nurse...come one! She's a total gem, and if you have someone like that holding your hand the entire way, how can you go wrong? I'm so happy and excited for you to get moving sooner than you thought!

  11. I am right there with you in regards to kindness. I feel the same way - it could swing my decision like nothing else. Good for you for doing exactly what you want to do and not looking back. And good for your husband for letting you take the reins and make the call...I'm assuming this is the case since you didn't mention him being wary of this decision or anything. I'm already sending positive vibes your way. Please, please, please let Suzanne get pregnant!!!!!!

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