Thursday, March 7, 2013

Dear God, What Have I Done...

I'm a train wreck.

Maybe it's time for a Google break. I certainly think that my hesitancy to completely trust my RE stems from Dr. Moron that completely screwed me. After all the struggles I've gone through to try and pick the right doctor for IVF, I feel like the night before the dawn and here I am, questioning EVERYTHING.

Quickly, I am on CD 35. I had super light spotting yesterday, but it's stopped. I know my periods are always very light, but that was pretty light even for me. I couldn't even call it cycle day 1, so I'm in limbo at the moment. Still waiting on this next cycle to begin and I'm supposed to then start the birth control pills.

Back to my crisis. I'm on several threads for women with diminished ovarian reserve (DOR). All I keep reading on those threads, when I google, is that I am on the WRONG protocol. That I should NOT be taking the massive amounts of stims that they are planning for me. That we should be going for quality, not quantity because, well, we already know that quantity isn't an option for me.

So I started looking at CCRM in Denver. Their stats for women with DOR are amazing. Unlike any I've seen anywhere. I originally made a phone consultation for May, thinking, okay, if this first IVF fails, I've got a back up plan. Then I started wondering, am I just wasting $17k by doing this plan that I'm not sure is right for me? I looked up the data for Chicago and while when comparing to Indianapolis, their stats are better. When comparing with Denver...well, there is no comparison. It's 6.7% vs. 70% success rates. So do we put this off, wait for the consultation, then pay a little extra for hopefully a better plan?

I spoke with CCRM again and they were able to get me a new phone consult in 2 weeks, which was amazing considering their wait time. She also said while typically it's 3-4 months before the start of treatment, it can happen a lot sooner if the doctor thinks that's necessary.

Question is...what do I do for these next 2 weeks? Do I start the birth control pills anyway? Do I wait to hear if CCRM recommends the same protocol as FCI and if so, stick with my original plan? Or do I just walk away from Chicago? It's such a hard decision because I feel like I've been out of the game for so long...since November. Time is of the essence for me and I feel like road blocks keep popping up left and right.

What is the right decision anymore?


12 comments:

  1. 6.7% vs. 70%?!?!? Whoa. That's a huge difference, and when you're talking about $17,000, you want the odds in your favor. This sounds like such a tough decision. Wishing you wisdom and a peace about wherever you end up.

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    1. Thank you so much!! It's so stressful to be so close and then BAM new information that makes you doubt everything. I so appreciate your support!!

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  2. Such a hard decision on where to get treatment! I've heard great things about CCRM.I have no idea how selective they are with taking patients or if they are a clinic who "takes everyone" and that can have a huge impact on success rates too obviously. My clinic's rates are lower than CCRM, but keep in mind they may classify cases differently according to "DOR" diagnosis or "multiple factors" when reporting to SART and may deny certain patients. I'm just not sure. I have heard through the grapevine they are the best in the country though! The whole Bill & Guiliana thing was great advertising for them!

    What do they suggest doing as far as taking the BCP's now if you will ultimately switch to them? Maybe if you let them know you are ready to start IVF NOW with them and that is part of your decision making process on if you'll even go with them at all, it will motivate them to go ahead and let you start. Will they be able to give you an actual IVF start date at your phone consult in two weeks time? If so, it might be worth just starting BCP's, but then again, they may want you on them for a limited number of days, so I'd just call and speak to someone and explain your situation. It may add some urgency to your request as a potential patient. See what they say!

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    1. I decided that I certainly owe it to myself, even if it means putting things off a month, to make sure that I'm on the right track. I've heard they are the DOR experts, and she was so quick to squeeze me in when I told her my situation I can't imagine them turning me away.

      She did say that typically treatment is about 3-4 months after your initial consultation, but that can be move along much quicker if need be. I've been pretty frustrated as I sent a whole list of questions to my RE in Chicago on Tuesday and haven't heard squat. I was hoping he'd put my mind to ease but his lack of response has just done the opposite. This is just such huge decision and want to have the best information possible!!

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  3. If I were you, I would wait for the consult with CCRM. That is awesome that they got you in sooner. I'm rather jealous considering my appt is May 21st and we called the same day. :) But CCRM's protocol might not even have you on birth control or it might be a different type. If you haven't paid your money to Chicago, I would just go to CCRM from the start. I do think they don't take every case so there may be some exaggerations in their numbers compared to the Chicago clinic. The only reason I'm not going CCRM now is because I already paid for my cycle. But for you...even if it sets you back a month, I think it is the best in the country and you'll have the best results there. Hope this helps.

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    1. I haven't paid my money yet to Chicago, so we're free and clear. Too funny. My original appointment was also on May 21st. When I called back to discuss that I was considering canceling my cycle with Chicago, she told me she had a consultation in 2 weeks that she could fit me in. I took it immediately!! I've decided not to start the birth control and if nothing else, it pushes Chicago back by a month. I'm leaning towards just going with CCRM though. Seems like my best chance!!

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    2. Sounds like you have a solid plan. Keep me posted on your consult! Love your new blog design. That header image is darling!

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    3. Thank you!! My blog was WAY past due for some updates. :)

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  4. My gut tells me to wait for the CCRM consult. After everything I've seen regarding them they are the DOR experts and they really and truly know what they are doing. This is why they are so backed up and you calling at just the perfect time to get a consult in to me thinks it was "meant to be". *hugs*

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    1. Thank you, Amber!! I'm thinking good thoughts for you this Monday for you as well. xo

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  5. Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog :) I hopped right on over to yours and am so sorry that the awfulness of infertlity and DOR has plagued you, too. I'm glad that your phone consult with CCRM is so soon, though (what doctor will you be speaking to?). I look forward to hearing how that turns out for you... After all, they're supposedly the.best (...I hope so, for both of us!!)!

    I'll continue to follow along with you in your journey and have my fingers crossed that we both get everything we've ever wanted very soon!

    xo

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  6. Suzanne, I found you on babycenter... I am also a DOR and Endo girl... I'm very excited to see your progress with CCRM. Since we are entirely out of pocket as well, I am doing my best to get a CCRM experience at a local RE price. It's a lot of work. Thankfully, I have a fantastic RE who really cares and listens to me and is willing to go along with CCRM's protocol #6. She is also allowing me to do depot lupron (ewww) in between egg retrieval and frozen embryo transfer to hopefully address any endo flare ups I may have to due to the meds.

    This is all rather exhausting, isn't it?

    All my best.

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