Do you ever feel like you're right on the cusp of starting something really big, but you just can't get there. Literally, the starting line is right in front of you and it's like something is pulling you back.
This past month, I've felt "numb". I can't explain it. Technically, I had some sort of pregnancy this cycle, even though I never saw a BFP, my blood test said it was there. I haven't cried. Not once. A few months ago I couldn't make it through the day without bursting into tears. Whether it be in the car, sitting at my desk at work, at home...
Now nothing. It's like I don't feel anything. I'm on cycle day f'ing 54. FIFTY FOUR! They stopped doing betas once my numbers went under 10. So I have no idea where I am. They said I would start a period this week and I have absolutely no signs that is the case. It's frustrating.
I just want to move on. To something. Anything.
CCRM had asked me if my cycles were regular I could go ahead and schedule my one day work up. Um...no, at present time, they are not. So I'm still sitting here...waiting.
My last actual fertility treatment was in November when I did IUI #2. That feels like a million years ago. In diminished ovarian reserve time, it probably is. I've been told I'm in the 4th quarter, with absolutely no time outs, that I need to get moving.
Yet, here I sit. Still.