Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12-12-12 is not a good day

I know I posted on Monday that I was waiting on my surgery to be scheduled and that bloody FSH test that I've been begging for seriously 4 solid cycles. I found out my surgery date yesterday but then was like, "I'll just wait till I get the results of the test so I have a decent update".

Well fuck me. I have an update.

Yesterday I found out the soonest I could get into surgery was February 1st. I was pretty bummed about this because that seems really far away. The nurse said RE was on vacation starting Dec 17 until Jan 7. So really, I guess if he only does one surgery day a week, that's only 4 surgery days away. Not preferable, but what am I gonna do? So I booked a trip to LA for a long weekend and scheduled a weekend in Chicago the weekend after. (T's on production in both cities during those times)

Well then today happened. I might mention that I've only actually met or spoken with my RE twice. Nurses do the monitoring appointments and my IUI's. Nurses also are the ones that call me with results and to answer questions. I know he is behind the scenes making all the decisions, but all in all, I've met with him twice. This morning, he called me personally. My heart dropped, because I knew this couldn't be good.

1) He was going to tell me that I was ridiculous for asking for an FSH when he kept telling me that I didn't need it.

or

2) My results were bad.

Guess what folks. It's option 2. My FSH level was 15.5. They want it to be less than 10, but anything over 15, is not good. His response on the phone was first to ask me if I came in on cycle day 3. Why yes, yes I did. His next response was actually shock. He said he doesn't want to believe it. My responses to meds have been great and on very low doses of Letrozole/Gonal F. He asked how soon I could come in to get and AFC and AMH. I said anytime you want me, I can be there. I also asked him what that meant. He said IF the results were accurate, it would not be a good prognosis and I would have a low chance of getting pregnant with out donor eggs. But...again, he said he doesn't believe so neither should I...yet.

I called T and he cancelled meetings to be with me at the appointment. (I've mentioned before how awesome he is, right?!) I was pretty upset at work (and again when I saw T), one of the owners now know we're having fertility issues, because of a little breakdown when I told him I wouldn't be back this afternoon. Sheesh.

So list of questions in hand, we head to the RE's office. He first did an ultrasound to check AFC. He loved my left ovary. Apparently he counted 5 follicles on that side. My right wasn't as good as the left, but he said there was some "noise" going on. That made him feel better. Especially combined with the fact that on Clomid, I responded well. On Femara, I responded well. On Femara/Gonal F, I responded well. And now with no meds at all, my body is still producing. So that's good.

So now it all comes down to the AMH and of course, it takes a week to get those results. I also found out my RE isn't really on "vacation" for the next 3 weeks. He's having knee replacement surgery. So even though the results should be in by next Tuesday, it will most likely be Wednesday when I hear from him. Who wants a drugged up doctor reading test results?! Agreed. I can wait one day.

So where do we go from here?! Well I can't say that for sure until next week. Though I do know that either way, we will be turning up the aggressiveness of our protocol either a little or a lot depending on the AMH result. Surgery is also in question depending on that result. My guess is IVF. Guess I'll have a pretty big update next week.

Merry Christmas to us, eh?



Thank you to my friends and my husband for making me feel loved today. Trust me, I know how lucky I am, even through all of this.

9 comments:

  1. I am proud of you for trying to remain positive. I'm not so much. I had a friend email me the other day asking me how I was. I have a love/hate thing with questions like that. On one hand I'd love to unleash and let them know exactly how I am. Get it off my chest. But on the other? I feel bad for them. Do they really want to know how I am? I feel like I put them in a weird awkward position when I tell them how my life currently is. Ahhhh. I'm depressed. And not feeling holly jolly.

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    1. I'm so sorry you're having a down day. My god, I get them. Big hugs to you. Tomorrow is another day and don't give up on this cycle, if I can't, you can't! (We still don't have to feel holly jolly if we don't want to though...permission granted.)

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  2. Suzanne, although your results weren't good with the FSH, I am glad you followed your gut on asking for it cycle after cycle. Now your RE can make some adjustments towards your treatment. As much as I hate to open up to people about my IF issues, I find that people are more sympathetic towards it than I thought.

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    1. I've certainly found that as well, but I hate feeling like they are pitying me and my crap reproductive system, so it's easier not to talk about it. But the compassion on some days like today makes it okay.

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  3. It's always so tough when our IF treatments take a dramatic turn once again. Sorry that there's been an upheaval again. However, you are now one more step closer to figuring it out. XOXO 12/13/12 will be a better day!

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    1. Thank you. It's been a rough day, and I'm going to end it with a little wine and french toast with my hubby by my side. Love all the supportive comments!!

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  4. I really hope your AMH levels are ok. Glad you're getting AFC too. Remember not to focus on ONE hormone level. Your fertility is based on a whole lot of things. I swear I think it's the RE's job to give us the worse case scenario... It's good that you now know what that worse case is but it doesn't mean you'll have to go there. How long have you been on your treatment plan? Not too long right?? IUI, etc? I am hopeful for you!!! As I said on BBC, I have horrendously low AMH and sky high FSH and I am pregnant. I am trying to give you hope, despite the fact that you may think I am an anomaly. Maybe I am - but maybe you are too! Good luck!!!! I'm rooting for you.
    www.wantinganotherwagner.wordpress.com

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    1. It certainly gives me hope to know that you were successful. Thanks so much for all the kind words today. While I'm still pretty stressed out and well, a little upset, I'm doing much better than I was earlier today, in part because of the great support I've gotten!! I've been on my current protocol since September. So I was responding with low doses of meds. Even before I saw my RE, my OB had me on Clomid and I always had mutliple follicles on those cycles as well. It's mind blowing. I don't know what to think. Did you take any supplements to help?

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  5. I think it's a good sign that you are a good responder to meds and that your AFC was good. I think you probably do not have low ovarian reserve, but you might need to improve your egg quality and lower FSH. There's supp's that can help with that and the acu that you do is good for that as well. For egg quality you can take royal jelly, ubiquinol, CoQ10, wheat grass, and I saw people mention DHEA on BBC, I'd get your DHEA checked first before taking anything for it.

    I am so sorry for the prognosis and do share your AMH levels when they come in. *big, big hugs* to you. I hope you can get that number lowered, it does change cycle to cycle, so do it again. The nurses can do the blood draw even if RE is on vacay and hoping it improved.

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