The past few weeks have been pretty hard on me. I know my posts have seemed rather down in recent weeks and I hate that. I really do want to get back to more hopeful posts vs. bitter, angry and sad posts. I'm not sure how to get there though.
It's crazy to sit back and think about all the ladies that I've "met" this last year on this journey and how many of us have losses that happened in November/December of last year. So I know that I'm certainly not the only one that is really affected by this time of year. We've got so much cheer and holiday spirit coming from every angle and here I am spewing hateful pouts. So I caved. After my horrible experience with a therapist this summer, I've decided that I need to find someone to talk to about all of my emotions and heartache and well, hormonal outbursts.
I reached out to a therapist today and was able to get an appointment tomorrow night. I simply feel lost, broken, sad and angry ALL the time. I think "I" need a little mental fixing, and maybe then, I can at least feel get back to enjoying TTC, enjoying my family and friends and enjoying my life. Not to say I won't have tough moments...but there certainly needs to be a balance that I don't currently have.
My husband and I are very fortunate. To have the home we have, the jobs we have and each other. I want more than anything to have a family of our own, but that can't come at an expense of losing myself. I need a little courage and hope to keep going...nothing wrong with getting a little help to achieve that, right?
SO...here we go. I'm up for anything, and hopefully this woman is much better equipped to handle the emotional rants of a woman on hormones than my last therapist!
Quick update on this cycle...I don't really know anything. I had a progesterone draw this morning and it was only 13.3, my lowest p4 numbers in all the months it's been checked. If I have a positive HPT, I will go in for beta next Monday. At 10 dpiui, it's currently a BFN. Way early, I know. No symptoms to report other than some mild period-like cramps on and off over the weekend.