Monday, December 3, 2012

Time to ask for help

The past few weeks have been pretty hard on me. I know my posts have seemed rather down in recent weeks and I hate that. I really do want to get back to more hopeful posts vs. bitter, angry and sad posts. I'm not sure how to get there though.

It's crazy to sit back and think about all the ladies that I've "met" this last year on this journey and how many of us have losses that happened in November/December of last year. So I know that I'm certainly not the only one that is really affected by this time of year. We've got so much cheer and holiday spirit coming from every angle and here I am spewing hateful pouts. So I caved. After my horrible experience with a therapist this summer, I've decided that I need to find someone to talk to about all of my emotions and heartache and well, hormonal outbursts.

I reached out to a therapist today and was able to get an appointment tomorrow night. I simply feel lost, broken, sad and angry ALL the time. I think "I" need a little mental fixing, and maybe then, I can at least feel get back to enjoying TTC, enjoying my family and friends and enjoying my life. Not to say I won't have tough moments...but there certainly needs to be a balance that I don't currently have.

My husband and I are very fortunate. To have the home we have, the jobs we have and each other. I want more than anything to have a family of our own, but that can't come at an expense of losing myself. I need a little courage and hope to keep going...nothing wrong with getting a little help to achieve that, right? we go. I'm up for anything, and hopefully this woman is much better equipped to handle the emotional rants of a woman on hormones than my last therapist!

Quick update on this cycle...I don't really know anything. I had a progesterone draw this morning and it was only 13.3, my lowest p4 numbers in all the months it's been checked. If I have a positive HPT, I will go in for beta next Monday. At 10 dpiui, it's currently a BFN. Way early, I know. No symptoms to report other than some mild period-like cramps on and off over the weekend.


  1. Seeing a therapist has been by far the best decision I've made through our TTC journey. With that said, I sorta stopped seeing her because she was so far away. But I'm hoping to line something up with someone a bit closer to where we live now. I had Jesse come to a few of them as well. That was always nice. In fact, the pastor that married us suggested we see a therapist every year around our anniversary. It doesn't mean something is wrong with your marriage. I just call in maintenance.

  2. I think it's awesome that you can recognize when you need help and go in for it. I know many times I've almost called a therapist too and I usualy don't since I recover, but if I ever feel like I can't get back up or it's taking over, then I'm going to.

    Everyone talks about how great this time of year is and to be honest, I've always disliked this time of year. Too much stress and too much going on. Maybe if Christmas was the only thing this time of year, but between Halloween, Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and not to forget New Year, plus everyone born right in these months, it's just so hard ot put on that happy face. We are blessed with all we have, but some things one shouldn't have to work so hard for and not even get a guarantee.

    *hugs* girl! I hope you post an update tomorrow after your appt. I'll be thinking of you and I'm saying a lil prayer as well. Hoping that BFN becomes a BFP as well!

  3. Are you living inside my brain and blogging for me and just not telling me? Seriously, I can relate and you said everything I'm feeling right now too. I f'ing hate the month of November and now it's creeping into December too. Blahhh! I was just thinking last night I might need to talk to someone. I feel like I am losing friends in this whole process. I actually had a "good friend" posting her joyous gender reveal pics on facebook less than 24 hours after I announced my miscarriage. It about killed me, and it's left me up awake at 3 AM wondering if it's just me that's hurting myself by being so affected by everything??

    I think you are doing a very good thing for yourself by talking to someone. Praying that you get someone REALLY good for you and that it helps! Also praying for a successful cycle for you OF COURSE! :)

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