Friday, August 9, 2013

It was ALMOST a really good day

This is the news I mentioned last week that I was hoping to be able to share.

We have a donor. We knew last week that she would be posted yesterday on CCRM's database and that she was a good match for me. I just had to select her before anyone else did.

What we knew going in...she has blonde hair, hazel eyes and similar facial structure as me. She's a bit taller than me at 5'7"...I'm 5'5", but she's thin, so all in all, a little height advantage never hurt anyone. Especially considering T doesn't bring a lot to the table there either! I have blue eyes, but T has hazel, so again. That's okay.

She's married and has a child and admitted that her initial motivation for donating her eggs was financial, however, she's learned so much about the struggles that women have gone through to have a child in all of her screening processes, that she feels it's a real joy to be able to help someone else be able to experience being parents. I can respect that.

When we clicked the "accept" button we had to wait for a confirmation email from my CCRM nurse. I was refreshing my email every few minutes for over an hour...BRUTAL!

Finally, the email came in...and we got her. I've already gotten a call from the pharmacy to pay for her birth control pills, so it's starting!!

Now...back to me and my mound of issues. My hCG today was 179. That's right, it's up from last week. So most likely, this pregnancy is somewhere it shouldn't be and I'm going to be getting a big old shot of methotrexate next week.

What does this mean for my donor starting her cycle? Nothing. CCRM is doing a freeze all. So we're fertilizing her eggs and T's sperm as soon as she's put into calendar which will be over the next several weeks and then we'll freeze everything until my body is ready. Who the heck knows when that's going to be.

So...good news...mostly. I feel relieved. I feel excited. And I feel sad.

I'm so happy that this may bring us our baby...our family. But...it's also saying good bye to a child that has little pieces of me in their appearance. All I can hope is by carrying this child and loving this child, little pieces of me, will make up the person they become.


14 comments:

  1. This is great! My heart was racing with excitement for you. Suzanne you deserve this. So much. What you don't deserve is this pregnancy that won't let go. So sorry you are going through that. Xocoxo

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  2. Yay times a billion for the donor situation but WHAT THE HECK is up with the hCG? Is this ectopic? Shouldn't we know that by now? Is there no other option then metho-messeverythingup-ate? Blahhh!

    I really am excited about the donor… I know that having a donor and being excited about it doesn't immediately take away the hurt or the pain, I know you're still mourning the loss of a dream, but I'm REALLY hoping that everything is going to work out for you!

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  3. Congratulation on finding a donor. I am sure it wasn't easy. One of my friends who did donor egg IVF said picking a donor was the most difficult thing she has done so far, so I'm happy that you found someone who is a good match. I'm sorry that your hcg is going up still :( I hope everything works out ok.

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  4. I am so sorry it sounds like this is ectopic, and I know you were hoping to avoid that. I am just glad it has stayed fairly low and at least you aren't one of those people taking mtx with an hCG of 5000 or something. Hopefully it will be resolved stat with a shot of the mtx. I know how much of a royal PITA this is for you of course! I wish you could just wake up and have this be over so you can move on....hopefully very soon.

    However, wowza what an awesome turn around time for already finding a donor. Some women wait muuuuch longer! And to find someone who seems like such a good match is so awesome!! I understand how it has got to be a mourning process letting go of your own DNA though. I always told myself that if we move onto donor eggs, at least the child WON'T have my family history of cancer or other random craziness. That somehow makes it all a little less scary.

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  5. Suzanne!!! That is great news!!! Has ccrm's database grown since you first had access to it? This is amazing- I'm so happy that a really big part of this process is underway for you!!

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  6. That is wonderful! I am thrilled for you!!! Yippee! Gosh, I'm so sorry, though, that you have to take the methotrexate . :( I hope your body heals quickly and very well for that baby. You will be that baby's mother, no matter what his or her DNA is. That feeling of loss cannot be easy ... Prayers for you!

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  7. So sorry about the new spike in hCG, but YAY for finding a donor! That was really fast, and she sounds like a great fit for you guys.

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  8. Sorry about the HCG, I can just imagine the emotions you must be going through...

    We also had to choose a donor. As exciting as it is to be able to really hope for a viable pregnancy, its hard to come to grips with the donor aspect of it. There are still days when I feel a little twinge of sadness about not being able to have my husband's baby. I'm sure once we have a little bundle of joy in our arms, everything will make sense. I really believe that.

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  9. So glad the donor is working out, that is wonderful news! Praying for you!

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  10. I can certainly understand the mixed emotions but I'm glad to hear things are moving forward. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way that your HcG goes down. Keep me posted whenever you go to Denver. If we're ever there at the same time, I'd love to meet for coffee (decaf of course) in person. :)

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  11. Thrilled to read that you got a donor already! YES! And it's the donor you really wanted, so I'm doubly thrilled. And you know, there is something nice about avoiding the huge pressure of a fresh transfer, where ALL the freaking stars MUST align in order to make it work. I think that's a great plan.

    And crap. crap. crap. crap. crap. about the hcg. That is not the direction we wanted things to go, especially after you having to go through a d&c. I hope it miraculously goes down before a mthtx shot is needed.

    Also, I just love that Joseph Campbell quote. I've thought about it many times and am always happy when someone reminds me of it. It just reminds me to work with things as they are, not as I wish they would be.

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  12. Well, boohoo to the rising HCG. That is NO good and puts a huge damper on things. I'm so sorry friend. xoxo

    But, the match for the donor sounds amazeballs and I'm super excited for you guys! This sounds like the start of something simply wonderful. xoxo

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  13. I'm sorry to hear that ur HCG is being stubborn. Hope the hot of mtx resolves it. So elated to hear u found the perfect donor w/ similar appearances.

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  14. I can't imagine how it feels to have this intimate connection with this woman you've never met. How intense and powerful.

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