Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Treat it like gold

This post is going to be a bit happier, or at least a lot less mopey. I had a bit of a low point last week because all of this just hit me. It has seemed that even when the crap stuff hits us, it seems to just get worse and worse. I was struggling with that last week. Kind of a WTF kinda week, ya know?! Many of you were spot on with your comments and they were extremely encouraging, so thank you.

I'll start with Friday night. Like I said last week, I've been very withdrawn around my friends. Even friends with no kids, because I've felt this feeling of shame because a lot of them knew of our issues. It's silly, I know. So we decided that it was past time that we had a night out. We met up with some very good friends of ours and went out for dinner, then listen to a bit of live music and even ended the evening at a karaoke bar. NO, I did not sing. I was DD, but still enjoyed a cocktail or two earlier in the evening. We had a great time and while, yes, as I always fear, I was asked about our treatments and how things were going...but she was very sweet.  Here's a funny pic of T & I sharing a drink.

Saturday we spent the day cleaning (okay, that part is less fun), went out for lunch and then grilled steaks and watched a movie. Perfect night.

Sunday, we FINALLY got out to play a little golf. This was the first time all year, sad considering the great weather we've had this summer. But with the IVF and then pregnancy/miscarriage, my body hasn't really been up for it. We took it easy and only played nine. I will admit, I'm a little rusty since last summer. Hopefully in the next couple months we can get out and enjoy a little course action a few more times.

So I'll go ahead and admit that T and I are big fans of margaritas. Our blender is on the outs. Well, done is probably a better word. We still had a large credit at Crate & Barrel from our wedding over 2 years ago, so we splurged on an appliance we've talked about wanting for quite awhile. 

This thing is a beast. Incredibly stoked about this new toy and we christened it with fresh raspberry margaritas on Sunday night. I also made potato soup in it last night in preparation for my lazy couch day after the D&C. 

The D&C was crazy early this morning. We had to be there at 5:30 am!! (so please excuse the sleepy eyes)

Everything went well. There was a small amount of tissue that was removed and I am hoping and praying and well, begging that was the extent. We should have the pathology report by the end of the week. We were at the Women's Hospital and they were so kind there. T took this picture and I thought it was beautiful. I hope it's a sign to have just a little more faith...and we will get there.

If not, we will probably have to consider the methotrextate which probably will result in a slew of expletives, feet stomping and screaming because I was told that we would most likely even have to put off the mock cycle and endometrium biopsy for a full 3 months if we go that route. That would mean any kind of donor transfer could be close to 6 months away. This. Would. Suck. 

If anyone hasn't been reading my blog for a long time, I'll give the quick version of my apprehension to having the D&C. When I had my blighted ovum a few years ago, I had a botched D&C. The pathology report came back and there was no pregnancy. So six days later I was being wheeled into an emergency operating room 700 miles from home for a D&C under ultrasound with a pathologist in the room to confirm a pregnancy or they were removing my tube. Not cool. Luckily, it had been in the uterus, but I was of course nervous of scar tissue from having back to backs. Going into donor eggs, that was a concern again. 

I looked my doctor in the eye this morning and told him I know there is a fine line between being to aggressive and not aggressive enough. I asked him to find that line and treat my uterus like gold. 

I am home now and doing well. I have less bleeding than I've had in over 2 weeks (odd, huh?) and only minimal cramping. 

I also have these big, fat babies to keep me company. 

Dexter (yes, he's named after a serial killer)
The baby.

The princess.

The boss.

Time for the healing to begin. Starting now.


  1. First of all, how did I not know you have three cats? They are GORGEOUS! Dexter looks pretty awesome, but I think I'm a little partial to the princess... beautiful!

    I sure hope they did treat your precious uterus like gold! And we are not even going to mention metho-thatshallnotbenamed. This is it. A little healing, a fresh cycle, and you're going to be back in business.

    Hang in there!

  2. Bless you heart, bless your heart, bless your heart. That's all I can say. I hope those few cocktails were perfect, and I'm glad your friend was sweet when asking you about everything. I don't know about you, but I kind of like being DD even without being pregnant. It makes me feel like I'm doing something good for my future pregnancy; It just makes me feel like I'm taking a step forward. IDK. Praying for you.

  3. I feel a relief that you sound back to your normal self again! I have been thinking about you non-stop - in a non-stalker kind of way!! Suzanne - something will work out. You will be a mom and an amazing one at that! You will. Hold onto hope. XOXO

  4. Oh wait - I forgot to comment about T's tan! Holy good god! That is one amazing tan!

  5. Your kitties are gorgeous and I am so glad the D&C went as well as a D&C can. I am praying that this is truly the end, that it's done and behind you and that you can heal up and then go forward from there. You WILL be a mom and I am just praying that this is the last painful ordeal you've had to go through. I can't wait for your rainbow. In the meantime take it easy and take care of yourself. I LOVE the blender and glad you were able to splurge. Lots of love and thoughts and prayers.

  6. hang in there, lady. You're a strong woman and I admire your outlook and willingness to push on. I will me KMFX that you do NOT need anything else to bring down your hcg xoxo

  7. Yay for healing to begin! As sad of a situation, you look absolutely gorgeous at the place you had your procedure. Smiling through this=you are crazy strong. You and I (and all your readers) know that by now.

  8. I'm so glad to hear you were able to get out and have some fun. I think it's important to force yourself to get out sometimes.

    I hope you continue to feel better.

  9. LOVE the pictures of your kitties! They are so beautiful :) I'm glad to hear you are healing and feeling hopeful. Praying for good things to come your way!

  10. So glad you had a fun night out as well as some time golfing, and look how cute you are too!!! Praying for you!

  11. I'm glad that you're home and feeling ok after this morning. Also glad you were able to get out this weekend and have a little fun. xoxo :)

  12. Your cats look awesome, as do you at 5:30am. I hope the D&C removed all it needed to and created no issues down the road. Heal well, and enjoy some more margaritas and golfing!!

  13. First time commenter delurking because I have to say how awesome the Vitamix blenders are. We got one over a year ago and I use it nearly every single day. It came with a Vitamix recipe book and I'm a breakfast smoothie-aholic. The best smoothie I ever made from the book is simple - strawberries and grapes. 300 grams grapes (2 cups), 150 grams frozen strawberries (1 cup) and 120 mL of ice cubes (1/2 cup). Blend and OMG! I also make a ton of smoothies with spinach leaves in it - strawberries, spinach and cucumbers. Enjoy!

  14. I'm so glad to read you had a good weekend with your honey, good friends, good food, great drinks and golf!
    And the D&C. Bleurgh. I wish you didn't have to go through that, but I'm glad it's over and that it went well.
    Heal well, dear woman (those gorgeous kitties should help, I think)

  15. VITAMIX! I am jealous! I hear it is the most fabulous device ever!

    Glad you two forced yourselves out into the world and enjoyed your weekend. I know it's hard to do that many times, but it's good you got outdoors. Very impressed that you can actually play golf, and you look great doing it. Heck, you even made that hospital gown look good!

    Praying for a big fat zero for you to avoid the mtx.

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