Tuesday, August 20, 2013

"Slower than molasses in December"

(Thanks N...I couldn't resist borrowing that for my title)

My hCG is dropping. It went from 179 to 80. That's one shot of methotrexate and 10 days later. Yes, I would have love to have been a wee bit closer to 40, but it's dropping. That's what counts. I'll go back next Monday for another check.

The waiting continues.

My donor cycle is getting real. So real that I received the giant bill that I have to pay CCRM before she starts her stims in a few weeks. Nothing realer than having that slap ya in the face! It's one thing to have saved for so long, it's another to actually write that check and see it all disappear from our bank account. All our hopes and dreams just out there.

I've felt pretty good lately. Not overly excited, per say, but not necessarily sad either. More at peace than anything. Could be that I've been so sick that I'm just in kind of a zombie like state, so we'll revisit that statement next week when my body is back to tip-top, fighting shape.

Kinda of in blogging limbo right now with not a ton of stuff  going on. For now, I'll share this...because CCRM keeps their donors identities completely anonymous, we only see childhood photos. I'm obviously not going to share her photos online, but I recently came across the pictures we sent the CCRM staff so that they could help us with the matching process. Here's a glimpse at what a little me looked like back in the day.

I'm also trying to decide on a good name for my donor so I can stop calling her "the donor". Suggestions?


  1. *hugs* been thinking about you so much and I'm glad you feel peace right now. Ouch on that bill but I'm just thankful you don't have to wait six months and I hope the three pass fast so you can get a real, sticky BFP! You've been through so much and I know this will end happily, 2014 starts with hope and a new life. Love and blessings! Also, what a beautiful child you were.

  2. Are you for real sick or sick from lingering hCG? Either way, hope you feel better soon!

    I can't believe your donor is about to start stimming! This has gone SO FAST! I know it's got to be tough to be dealing with high hCG numbers and the let down over the metho shot, but I REALLY hope that having your donor cycle will help ease the sadness and frustration! I'm SO excited for you Suzanne!

  3. Those pictures of you are so adorable! You looked a lot like my sister did at that age. Congrats on getting started on your donor cycle--that's exciting!

  4. What a cutie you were! (Still are)

    I understand why things have been so tough for you lately. I hope you start to feel better once your cycle gets underway!

    I wish I could help you out with a name for the donor. I just don't refer to our donor on my blog at all. If I did, I might call her Ms. D. or something...

    sending you a big hug :)

  5. How cute are you! Glad your hcg is dropping. There is a girl in my 'moms in the making' group that is leaving for CCRM this weekend for a donor cycle. I don't know why I told you that besides that you are not alone in this whole process. We are all standing by your side as you begin to pursue this :)

  6. I think you should call her Melissa. :)
    Love your childhood pics!!! Sorry things are going so slow. That is rough. Thinking of you and hope that hcg drops faster rather than slower...

  7. well, at least that hcg is going in the right direction. I look forward to a reading of 0, but not as much as you look forward to it.
    I remember calling my credit card to increase my limit and tell them there was about to be some LARGE sums of $ put on there from a fertility clinic. I gulped. Shit, man, this is A LOT of money. Do I still think about that money? Not really. May it also be more than worth it for you.
    Those pictures of you are so incredibly sweet. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Such cute pics!! Hope you're feeling better, chica!

  9. OMG Love the dancing pic of you on the right. Sooooo cute!

    As for the donor name, I like Goose. After all, she is laying the eggs and she's also kind of like your co-pilot in this. She is the perfect combo of the classic fairy tail and a blockbuster 80's movie all in one! Can't go wrong! hehe

    1. Okay. I LOVE goose!! T immediately went to "Top Gun Goose" and then said, or like the Goose that laid the golden egg? Ha. PERFECT!!! You rock.

    2. Yay for Goose! It does make it more fun when you can come up with fun names for people. Imagine if she knew you were calling her Goose. Ha! I love it too!!!

  10. GOOSE!!! It's perfect! I love it! You ladies are so clever ;)

    Glad to hear that your HCG is dropping, it might be slow... and we all know how much that SUCKS.... but at least it's dropping. Hang in there, you're doing a fantastic job of staying strong and keeping your head in the "game"

    I'm excited to hear how many eggs are retrieved from Ms. Goose :)

  11. I am so sorry its taking a while...My last one went on for eveah! I wanted to scream!! I am praying you won't need an additional inject!!

    Love the pics too!!!!

  12. It's getting close! Excited for you! Emily's name idea is perfect!

  13. You look exactly the same as you did back then! How fun to see these pictures. I'm getting so excited for this donor cycle. You have so many people rooting for you.

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