Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mother's Day Blues

This is my forth Mother's Day without my Mom. It's a day I typically curl up on my couch. Look at pictures of my mom and simply miss her. The week leading up to Mother's Day I see all the signs in the stores, the radio ads, etc., advertising Mother's Day gifts and cards. Each time I see/hear these little things it brings sadness. It reminds me of what I no longer have. 

This year has been no different except one thing. I'm supposed to be 2 months away from having my first child. This was going to be a bittersweet and special Mother's Day. Instead, I'm remembering my mother and remember the baby that I'm not going to have. 

I just took the first of my Clomid this evening. I heard it can cause nausea and hot flashes and that it's sometimes better to be taken at night. So we'll see. After the last few cycles, I'm trying not to put much hope or expectations with this medicated cycle. We're not really being monitored at this point other than the progesterone check a week after ovulation. I probably will only be willing to do a few months of this before it's time to move on to a fertility specialist. At (almost) 35, I don't feel as if I have the time to wait around. 

Everyone seems to keep telling me to just relax and it will happen. How exactly do you do that? I mean my brain just doesn't work like that. I don't understand how you just turn off TTC and not think about it. Big props to the folks that can, but I'm not one of them! 

To all the Mother's out there, celebrate your babies tomorrow. To all the daughters, celebrate your Mama's, you never know how long you have with them. To all the ladies trying to conceive. I know tomorrow will be just a little sad for all of us, know that there are others out there that are understanding exactly how you feel. 

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