I'll start with this cycle isn't over for me yet. I'm only 5 dpo. Though my confidence is a bit shattered this cycle. This is actually why our plan over the next couple months is a good thing.
I may have never mentioned this. I'm an accountant by trade. A controller at an advertising agency. In my job, I live and breathe numbers. Numbers to me are very black and white. When numbers don't make sense, they send me into a tailspin. Because of this, I'm not sure Ovacue was the right monitor for me. Don't get me wrong. It seems to have accurately detected ovulation on the same day as my temps and OPK's on my past cycles. However, it comes with a lot of analysis. When the numbers don't look as they should, it's extremely disheartening. At 5 dpo, I should be thinking about how slow the clocks is ticking during this 2ww. Certainly not that my cycle is over and done and I should be moving on, because my Ovacue readings seem to indicate that. Whether they mean that at all, who knows. This is the anxiety that it has caused, regardless.
We leave for a 12 day vacation in July. We're going to Savannah and Hilton Head and I cannot wait. I'm looking forward to the first vacation just my husband and I since our honeymoon last June. I'm looking forward to us celebrating 11 years together. I'm looking forward to celebrating my birthday, just us. I'm looking forward to not being at home the day after my birthday...my would be due date. As we start planning little details like reservations at restaurants and so forth, I came to a decision.
We're taking the month of June off. Don't get me wrong, there won't be protected sex, I'm sure of it. But there won't be monitors, temping, OPK's. Zilch. If this cycle doesn't work. I want to enjoy my vacation. That just so happens to be a potential fertile time for us, if my cycles remain as they have. I want to eat raw fish. I want to drink fruity frozen drinks and drink the best red wine I can find. I want to kick off my heels and have FUN! It's one month off. If we happen to get pregnant "not trying" even better. My husband actually is really excited about the no monitors and pee sticks and wait for it...sex that isn't so scheduled out. I'm undecided about Clomid for another cycle. I'll wait and speak to my doctor about that once we know the outcome of this cycle.
I think it's a much needed breather, during a sad time for me. I thought for sure I'd be pregnant by the time my due date came around. I feel good about all of this. I really, really do.
33 days and counting till vacay.
On a side note, I'd like to say that I had a rare moment of pure joy over hearing about another women's pregnancy. I "met" her on the Ovacue forum and follow her blog. After a miscarriage in November as well, and the ups and downs that come with that, she got her BFP this week. It's been so hard to hear about pregnancies popping up left and right...this news...was not hard to hear at all. I'm so happy for her and her husband and I'm wishing her a healthy and happy pregnancy. Thanks for giving me the hope that this will happen for me!