I got a little bit of good news last Friday. After a bit of concern on my part, due to probably way to much googling, I had reached out to my RE last week about possible over suppressing on the bcps, as that is somewhat common with DOR. They agreed to have me come in this Friday to do a baseline. If I'm suppressed, I'll stop taking the pills a week early. If things look good, everything moves up a week.
That's great news. I'm ready to move on and get this started. The past few weeks or even months have been pretty all over the place emotionally. I wish I had more confidence. I wish I knew if I'd respond. I find myself looking at donor egg options more and more. I hope it's not a hunch that proves to be right, but in my gut is telling me that's the route we'll need to take. I don't know that Chicago, CCRM or anyone can really fix the numbers I've been dealt. The fact is, as many DOR women that have become pregnant, not many (if any) of them have my numbers. It's a scary reality that I'm facing that this may not be a winning battle for me. It's a hard thing to swallow. I'd love nothing more than this IVF to be the perfect storm to create a lasting pregnancy. I'm trying to hold onto a small amount of hope and faith.
My step-sister had her baby last Thursday. I'm very happy for her, but I'm sad for me and what I had always hoped for. I grew up taking care of everyone else's babies. I even babysat well into my mid-twenties. I've always been the girl drawn to them. I knew without a doubt that T and I would be awesome parents. T is the "get on the floor and play with anyone's kids" kind of guy. The guy that makes googly eyes at random babies in the grocery store. How is it possible that we are where we are?
Well...it begins soon. I'll try and remain positive and will post as many updates as I can as this process gets moving.