Apparently no one was happy about my zen-like demeanor that I boasted about earlier in the week. Okay, most of you lovely ladies that left me the most wonderful comments were, but other than that, not so much. So my mood has since deflated.
First, after the difficult decision that we came to that was to do basically our "trial and error" 1st round of IVF with the Chicago clinic, a woman from a thread that I'm on, felt the need to publicly announce their awful stats and this and that. Okay, no, the stats are no where near CCRM, however, neither where the chances that CCRM gave me. So I feel that their stats can be somewhat skewed depending on who you are. I had a bit of a melt down after that, and was in a funk the rest of the day because it of course had me stressing over whether I was making the right decision. I almost took of my husband's head when he told me to relax, blah, blah blah. Bad day, and while maybe she meant well, and it wasn't intended for the way it came out, I was still very hurt that someone going through this journey would add anxiety to an already stressful situation.
Second, I had dinner with a close friend last night that knows of my infertility struggles and has always been very supportive. We are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to political views, which is fine, that's our right. I typically hide from any and all political talk, and we've always respected each other and just agreed that we disagree and don't discuss. Her talk moved to insurance last night. I casually mentioned that I just wish I could live in a state that mandated fertility coverage. Well she went off on how the government shouldn't get involved and it's not like I would die from infertility and that if someone can't pay for IVF that's the cards they were dealt.
Fucking way low blow on that one. I literally ran from the restaurant in tears and ended up at home sobbing.
Whatever people believe to be right or wrong for this country, that's your right. But telling a friend that well, those are the cards you're dealt, isn't really the best thing to say to someone in my position and I was deeply hurt. Again.
Now, I will at least say that by the time I got to my car, I could see tears in her eyes and she realized that she had not said the right thing, but I had to leave at that point, I just needed some space.
So, goodbye zen, hello infertility.