Thursday, April 4, 2013

Why is everyone trying to set off the infertile this week?

Apparently no one was happy about my zen-like demeanor that I boasted about earlier in the week. Okay, most of you lovely ladies that left me the most wonderful comments were, but other than that, not so much. So my mood has since deflated.

Lets recap:

First, after the difficult decision that we came to that was to do basically our "trial and error" 1st round of IVF with the Chicago clinic, a woman from a thread that I'm on, felt the need to publicly announce their awful stats and this and that. Okay, no, the stats are no where near CCRM, however, neither where the chances that CCRM gave me. So I feel that their stats can be somewhat skewed depending on who you are. I had a bit of a melt down after that, and was in a funk the rest of the day because it of course had me stressing over whether I was making the right decision. I almost took of my husband's head when he told me to relax, blah, blah blah. Bad day, and while maybe she meant well, and it wasn't intended for the way it came out, I was still very hurt that someone going through this journey would add anxiety to an already stressful situation.

Second, I had dinner with a close friend last night that knows of my infertility struggles and has always been very supportive. We are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to political views, which is fine, that's our right. I typically hide from any and all political talk, and we've always respected each other and just agreed that we disagree and don't discuss. Her talk moved to insurance last night. I casually mentioned that I just wish I could live in a state that mandated fertility coverage. Well she went off on how the government shouldn't get involved and it's not like I would die from infertility and that if someone can't pay for IVF that's the cards they were dealt.

Fucking way low blow on that one. I literally ran from the restaurant in tears and ended up at home sobbing.

Whatever people believe to be right or wrong for this country, that's your right. But telling a friend that well, those are the cards you're dealt, isn't really the best thing to say to someone in my position and I was deeply hurt. Again.

Now, I will at least say that by the time I got to my car, I could see tears in her eyes and she realized that she had not said the right thing, but I had to leave at that point, I just needed some space.

So, goodbye zen, hello infertility.


15 comments:

  1. Boo! I'm so sorry Suzanne! I wish you could just say goodbye to infertility once and for all. I hate that others have gotten in the way of your confidence. Hoping that the days ahead will reaffirm your choices. Keep moving forward!

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  2. I'm sorry for that. This process sucks and I feel myself, too, getting triggered by BC, threads, comments, everyday life, everything. FWIW, I think you are making the right decision--and I've felt that way all along.

    -Akundera from BC

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    1. Thank you so much for saying that. It really means a lot. :)

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  3. I'm so sorry for what your friend said to you. That makes me so sad. And mad. I hate infertility :(. xoxo

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  4. I am outraged for you! Even if those are her true feelings to say those things to you in that manner when she knows your story.... unbelieveable. I feel like you don't get a say in anything infertile if you are not an infertile. UGH!!! Don't lose your zen. Staying relaxed and calm is best for us non-fertilie friends. Suzanne, I'm sorry that she was so stupid.

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  5. It seems like stats can always be skewed in different ways. I'm sure there are also LOTS of couples who have had success at the clinic you chose, so don't let the statistics get you down (or one woman's interpretation of them).
    I hope your friend realizes how hurtful her rant was, and not only apologizes, but learns from her mistake. I hope you find a little zen again soon :)

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  6. Suzanne, I am really sorry about what happened on the thread, I must've missed it, but you do what's right for you and I know you feel good about your Chicago dr and you should def go for it. I hope you'll continue to post on our thread, 'cause we love and support you and we know your BFP is coming. I imagine how hurt you felt when that happened. *hugs* As for your friend, I am so sorry. She didn't need to go there, at all! If she doesn't' agree with the political statement as a friend she can say she knows how hard this is for you. Just wanna give you a great, big, hug. Hang in there!

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    1. Thank you Amber. You are so sweet and it means the world to me. I sent her a private message and the comment was deleted on her own accord. I still very much like being apart of that thread. Just a stressful week!!

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    2. That explains why she was shown as the last poster with no post. I am glad she at least did that. I really do have a good feeling about your Chicago dr and I'm glad you are sticking around. Soon your baby will be sticking around too :-)

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  7. First and foremost, I want to say I'm sorry people are just dumping on your parade. BUT in all honesty you shouldnt allow them to doubt your decision. Ultimately, you are the one deciding to go forth and know what is best for you at this point. I am sorry your friend opened a new can of worms with her opinion. Most people dont realize infertility is actually considered a disease. Which is why some states have mandated insurance coverage. I gave up on trying to explain to people how infertility affects you physically and emotionally. So keep you chin up you are making the right choice for you.

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  8. Really!?! I don't understand how people can be so insensitive. And it always hurts worse coming from a friend than some idiot off the street. I'm sorry for the hurt both of those incidences caused you. People just don't get it.

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  9. You have enough to worry about without a loser troll's shit storm. :( Don't let them bring down your attitude, friend. Hope your weekend is a good one, filled with zen! :)

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  10. Give me her address, because I want to go beat this girl's ass for you! Seriously, it is so frustrating the level of ignorance among people on the topic of infertility. I bet she would have a completely different attitude if she were infertile herself and spending thousands upon thousands of dollars to do the one thing women have been doing for millions of years. I really hope she feels like an ass, because she should. As my mom used to say, "All you can do is pray for people like that." Really, all you can do is feel sorry for her, because she is ignorant and small minded. ((HUGS)) Suzanne

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  11. So freaking frustrating! I'm so sorry people are messing with your zen :/ I know the feeling, I think we all do and it blows! hugs!!!!

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  12. Big sigh...that's so tough, especially the part about your friend because, well, she's supposed to be your friend. What she said about the fact that you can't die from your infertility may be true, but that's setting the bar kinda low, isn't it? I mean, insurance covers tons of things we're not going to die from. I suppose I could go on and on about the many ways she is misinformed but that's not the important thing. The important thing is that you needed a friend in that moment and you didn't get one. For that, I'm really sorry. I hope that she fully realized the impact her statement had on you. Sounds like she may have.

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