I'm a very indecisive person. Many of you have probably gathered that from my constant worry over whether I should or shouldn't go to CCRM vs. FCI. I have at times, sent myself into a tailspin over where to go to dinner. So please, know that the anxiety that comes over me trying to decide how to proceed with something as important as this is extremely overwhelming for me.
We traveled to Chicago yesterday. It was so nice to be at my doctor's facility. It's so strange considering this was only the second time I've stepped foot in their facility. The first being my consultation. It was a quick visit. We did the ultrasound and blood work and were sent on our way until the results were ready. We spent the morning walking around Chicago, taking in an art fair, having lunch and doing a bit of shopping.
We got the call mid afternoon. We were told that the 3rd follie, was still rather small at 13mm. My lining was 4.9mm, my e2 was 1277 and my p4 was 3.7. I also had fluid in my uterus. So we had two options.
Trigger Saturday night and come in Monday morning for an IUI, where they would also drain the fluid from my uterus.
Come in again on Sunday for another ultrasound and blood work to see where things are and make our decision .
In my opinion, an IUI with such dismal lining and elevated p4 would be pointless. Even should we choose to cancel the IVF, I did not believe I would regret not doing the IUI. So we chose to stim one more night and return to the clinic on Sunday.
The one nice thing about being out of town was how much I love the restaurants in Chicago. We had an amazing date night. We went out for sushi just a few blocks from the hotel and then went to a cute little coffee bar for dessert. We discussed a lot of things. We talked about the chances of me ever having a better response. There something I can't seem to wrap my mind around...because we know that my AMH is less than .16...my FSH has been close to 20 on multiple occasions, and that's how far I go before moving on to donor eggs. The truth is...I want a child. I want a home. I want us to have a comfortable life. My point of moving on, may come quicker than someone with better odds. It may be coming sooner rather than later. I'm not sure I have it in me to continue to drain all the funds we have on something that has such a small chance of happening when we can move on and have a child by other means (which will also cost a considerable amount of money).
By this morning, I told my husband that I needed to just cancel this cycle. I couldn't move forward with 1-2 follicles and I wasn't going to waste money on even an IUI. We decided we would just go to CCRM, try once and move on from there if it didn't work.
Then we went for my ultrasound, comfortable with our decision, even though it was very emotional for me and of course...#3 had rallied. It was almost 15mm this morning. The doctor on call met with us and was recommended we move forward with our retrieval. The other sizes were 20 and 23mm. Well hell.
We discussed with her the fact that our lining had increased to 6mm, however, I still had fluid in my uterus. We would have to aspirate the fluid at the time of retrieval. The ultimate goal would be to retrieve the three. Hope with all that I have, that they fertilize and make it to freeze. To transfer at a later date when my uterus is in a better state, more welcoming to embryos. If they do not look like they would make it freeze, we would just have to do a Hail Mary transfer on day 3 and hope for the best. Apparently the elevated p4 does decrease my chances of success by half.
She did not believe I would ever be able to have more than 3-5 eggs at any given IVF cycle. We decided to go for it. So for now, I'm putting all of my hope and faith into 3 little follicles. This is a long shot in the dark...but for now, it's all we have.
I trigger tonight. Retrieval on Tuesday.